When to Draw the Line: Dealing with In-Laws Who Want an Invite to Your Wedding When You Want Them to Pay

Weddings are a joyous occasion of union, a time to celebrate with family, friends and future-in-laws. But when certain obligations fall onto only one side of the aisle, resentment and animosity can fester like an untreated wound. When one party expects the other to foot the bill for their wedding without offering any recompense, it can put the couple in a difficult and stressful situation.

This is precisely what occurred for Melissa and Tom, whose in-laws expected them to pick up the tab for the bulk of their wedding celebration. After numerous requests from both sides of the family to chip in, Tom and Melissa finally mustered the courage to tell their in-laws they would need to pay their share of the expenses or else reduce the number of their guests.

Little did they expect that their in-laws would simply ignore their request and keep on inviting their pals, as if nothing had ever been discussed in the first place. This very same scenario is repeated all across the country, as brides and grooms find themselves stuck in between the demands of their families and the demands of their wedding budget.

So, the question remains: What can couples do when their in-laws refuse to pay their share of the wedding costs, but still invite more and more people?

The first step is to speak to both sets of parents—and soon!—regardless of how uncomfortable the conversations may be. Let them know why you asked them to cover part of the costs and how their nonpayment will greatly affect the budget. Do your best to remain calm, collect, and composed, but make sure you emphasize the need for a financial contribution or an adjustment to the guest list.

Of course, many couples want to make their in-laws feel special on their most sacred day. If you feel like a financial contribution is not possible, then offer alternative options such as a speech during the ceremony or a reading at the reception. These gestures may not cost your in-laws money, but still demonstrate that you recognize their presence and importance.

If your in-laws are insistent on hosting a grand wedding but unwilling to pay for it, you may need to explore other means of financing. Talk to your significant other about opening a wedding loan, or cutting back the guest list with the fewest relatives possible and accept only gifts from other family members. it may be necessary to draw the line before things spiral out of control.

This was the course of action for Tom and Melissa. With help of close family and friends, they were able to narrow down the guest list and stick to a reasonable budget. On the day of their wedding, they were feeling grateful and relieved, knowing that they had taken the steps needed to ensure the success of their big day.

At the end of the day, couples should know that they have the final say in the matters of their wedding and financial decisions, even when faced with pushback from their in-laws. Although it’s important to show respect and consideration to both sides of the family, settling the wedding details should be a joint effort. It can be hard to set limits with your in-laws, but ultimately, it’s the best thing for you, your spouse and your pocketbook.