Adopted a kitten from my cousin and it was a complete disaster

[Ellanoreee]

I'll try to keep things less complicated by using names.  My cousin, let's call him Jack, lives with his mom.  He's 35 and a nice guy.  He has a female cat who he lets in and out of the house, she ended up pregnant.  Don't ask why she isn't spayed, because she should be.  A few weeks ago, I was at their house with my 10 year old daughter, and the kittens were all about four weeks old.  My daughter asked if we could get one and I said we could, but we had to wait until they were done nursing and could separate from their mom.  Jack told me it'll probably be a couple of weeks and then his mom will want to kitten to leave the house.  I said that was fine.  I know that his mom is a difficult person to deal with and even though the kitten should ideally be with their mom longer, I have experience taking care of little kittens and at least one will have a good home.  I don't live in the states and there aren't animal shelters that could have provided care, otherwise I would have suggested he take them there to be with their mom longer.

Anyway, yesterday Jack's sister in law (who I also know, obviously) texts me and says that Jack's mom wants the kittens out of the house and is talking about going to dump them, so if we want to take a kitten, we should.  I already have three cats at home besides this kitten, so I couldn't take more kittens.  Otherwise, believe me, I would have.  I took a shower and my daughter and I went over and got the kitten.  I told the mommy cat I was sorry and promised to bring her baby back to see her later, and then we left and took him to the vet.  He appeared anemic by the look of his gums, but other than that, his vitals were good.  I know that they weren't being cared for properly because he looked MUCH more tired than the last time I saw him.  They didn't have actual cat food, and the mom was refusing to feed them.  I know this because I saw, and I'm pretty sure it's because she didn't have milk herself.  I had to remove the fleas from his for a while after we got home.

A few hours later, Jack's sister in law calls me and tells me that the mom cat is "freaking out" and that she (the sister in law) is currently driving to my house to get the kitten back.  I told her that she shouldn't do that because the cat is already not feeling well, and my daughter would be really upset, and if we do that then the poor mom cat is going to have to lose him twice.   She yelled at me and said that I didn't have a choice.  That Jack was under a lot of stress lately and she would be blamed if he got sick from the stress of the mom freaking out.  I was perplexed because I'd already talked with Jack about our taking the kitten twice and he was fine with it, and so was his mother.  Not that I agree with her wanting to dump the cats somewhere, that's a different story.  I asked the sister in law to place give me Jack's number or his mom's (I'd communicated with Jack through instagram before, not through his phone number) so I could call and speak with them.  She wouldn't let me call them.  She even told me to just go "grab the kitten out of my daughter's hand so we can go."  I told her I'd go with her, but I'd be bringing the kitten back tonight.  I got to Jack's mom's and Jack said it was totally fine, that he wanted me to take the kitten and the mom was fine, saying that she was going to call the daughter in law anyway to tell her not to bother me about it.  I was shocked, because his daughter in law was literally in my alley yelling at me that I had no choice but to bring the kitten back who I was worried wouldn't live if I brought him back to a place where he wasn't properly cared for.  Mama cat was already adjusting and she greeted me and rubbed up against me.  I think she knew what was happening.  I got home and the daughter in law messaged me that her in laws much have just wanted to inconvenience her and then said sorry to me and asked me to tell my daughter sorry.  I was soooooo confused! Like, what was the point of all of that, and especially not even allowing me to call my own cousin to see what the heck was actually going on.

I'm so thankful that the kitten is with us and being cared for.  He's eating as if he hasn't been given food before, which makes me sad.  But I'm just glad he's ok.  I guess my question is, what do I tell my cousin's SIL?  It was such an odd thing and my initial instinct is to tell her it's ok and accept her apology, but this was really upsetting to me as a mom and as a person who was trying to advocate for this kitten.  

[Wiseman2]

As long as the cat is now well taken care of and your daughter is happy with it, that's the important thing. Try to let the dust settle as far as the family's attitudes about it.

[Coily]

Sounds like this in-law was wanting to be dramatic for some reason. I would hold off on any contact with her for a long while. Mostly due to the yelling in the alley and refusing to give you the phone number of the cousins.

Your household is safe, sound, and content. All is well.

[MissCanuck]

This is really not about the kitten at all, but rather this woman's unhinged behaviour. 

11 hours ago, Ellanoreee said:

my initial instinct is to tell her it's ok and accept her apology

I wouldn't do this. It wasn't okay and she needs to get a grip. Telling her it's okay gives her tacit permission to do it again.  Instead, I would tell her that the kitten is safe and sound and you're happy to have him in your home. Leave it there. 

I would also encourage you to not feel like you have to follow this person's orders. Work on saying "no" when someone barks at you like this. 

[Ellanoreee]

5 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

This is really not about the kitten at all, but rather this woman's unhinged behaviour. 

I wouldn't do this. It wasn't okay and she needs to get a grip. Telling her it's okay gives her tacit permission to do it again.  Instead, I would tell her that the kitten is safe and sound and you're happy to have him in your home. Leave it there. 

I would also encourage you to not feel like you have to follow this person's orders. Work on saying "no" when someone barks at you like this. 

Yes, you're right.  I realized that I need to get a lot better at saying no.  Thank you for your answer.