Navigating Disagreements With Your Mom: How to Stick to Your Boundaries While Keeping the Relationship Intact?

It's always interesting when you think of your relationship with your mom in terms of rules, because having clear-cut expectations adds a bit of structure and understanding to the dynamic. After all, everyone needs to have a set of boundaries in place in order for a relationship to flourish and be healthy.

But for those moments when the one rule that establishes this relationship is broken, it can be hard to know what to do next. Maybe you noticed your mom, who usually follows this boundary, making an uncharacteristic decision that goes against her own values, leaving you feeling hurt and confused. Your heart may have started pounding, and it would be normal to experience a range of complicated emotions.

When something like this happens, take a step back and remind yourself that it's a normal part of any relationship to have differences of opinion, and that it's okay to feel shaky about where things stand. That doesn't mean you can't voice your side of the disagreement in a respectful manner, however. Make sure that your mom knows how you're feeling and how her actions have made you feel. Expressing your true thoughts is important, but make sure it's done in a way that doesn't come off as an attack or overly confrontational. Taking the time to thoughtfully and overtly communicate how you are feeling can often help both parties come to a more grounded understanding of each other.

Realizing there are times when we don’t agree is part of being in a healthy relationship with anyone. No two people will ever completely agree on everything, so it's best not to try to force your own beliefs onto someone else. Instead, talk things out and explore why your differences matter and why they have shown up in the first place. Understanding the root cause of the issue may help both of you accept each other’s opinions and feelings more openly.

Though breaking the one rule that sets the foundation of your relationship with your mom is tough, it doesn’t have to mean the end of that relationship. In any healthy relationship, talking through disagreements is important. Even during difficult conversations, remind yourself and your mom that fighting isn’t the same as failing. Instead, creating a space to hash out your mutual differences in opinion is the best way to reinforce your bond and can help you both create meaningful opportunities for growth.