Establishing Boundaries & Reducing Conflict in Your Adult Child Relationship

Getting along with your adult children can be challenging. The transition from childhood to adulthood brings on a whole new set of responsibilities that can be difficult for both parent and child. It's not uncommon for parents and their adult children to clash on a variety of topics, from finances and relationships to independence and authority. If you find yourself butting heads with your adult child frequently, there are steps you can take to establish boundaries and reduce conflict.

Many parents often forget that their adult son or daughter is another independent human being with their own opinions, needs and wants. After years of raising children, it can be hard to switch into the role of an observer or facilitator. Getting overly involved in your child's life can lead to arguments and unnecessary tension. Establishing boundaries between you and your child is an important part of creating a healthy adult relationship.

One way to do this is to let go of the notion of "fixing" everything. This doesn't mean you should abandon your adult child - far from it. It does mean that you recognize when it's their problem to solve, not yours. Your adult child may need to work through things for themselves in order to learn and grow; as a parent, you can let go of trying to control or make decisions for them. Respect their choices, even if they're different than yours.

Communication is a crucial component of any relationship, especially between parent and adult child. Being on the same page could prevent many arguments before they start. Make sure that openness and understanding come first by scheduling regular conversations without finger-pointing or accusations. Remember that your child is an individual who values respect, constructive criticism and feedback. Choose your words carefully and try to be as supportive as possible without shedding any doubt on their character or judgment.

Taking a step back could also lead to more peace and harmony with your adult child. Try to avoid making judgments and offer words of encouragement instead. Compliment them on their successes no matter how small and acknowledge their failures as opportunities for learning and personal growth. Show that you are truly listening and attempting to understand their feelings by asking further questions and offering advice if asked, even if it goes against your beliefs.

In addition, setting aside time for the two of you to spend together doing activities you both enjoy is an excellent way to strengthen your bond and improve communication. Doing something fun such as going to a movie, playing games or taking a walk can help reduce stress and break down barriers that have taken years to build up. Having leisure time together also gives you the opportunity to discuss difficult topics in a less confrontational environment if needed.

Don't be afraid to reach out for help if the situation gets out of hand or communication becomes impossible. Sometimes getting an outside opinion can be beneficial in helping you learn new ways of dealing with the situation and resolving any issues that exist between you and your adult child. Spouses, family members, counselors or mediators can all provide insight and advice that could make all the difference in easing tensions between the two of you.

The relationship between parents and their adult children is not always easy but it can be managed with patience, understanding, respect and empathy on both sides. Take time to listen, communicate openly and honestly and don't be afraid to compromise. With these strategies in place, your adult child may be doing better than you think.