The Regrets of my Unhappy Marriage: How Knowing Too Late led to Painful Realizations

It was a normal day like any other. My husband appeared a bundle of joy and happiness, but little did I know of the struggles he endured before me. We were married for 4 years when suddenly, news of his troubled childhood dropped like a bomb. I was completely taken aback, my heart heavy and crushed under the pressure of guilt. It still remains etched in my mind--had I known the unhappy circumstances my husband had grown up in, we never would have walked down the aisle.

It took me months of digging, uncovering memories of his past that had been kept from me. It was an effortless journey, illuminated in the form of photos, tears, and broken sentences. Piecing it together slowly, I learnt that his parents never married. His mother was the breadwinner and sole thinker of the house, with no one to share her anxieties. My husband bore the brunt of extra responsibility and financial burdens since a young age. Everyday possessions seemed like treasures, leading to a perception of deprived upbringing. Nothing made sense yet, every answer my husband gave me seemed to complete a daunting puzzle.

My heart sunk as more stories began to unravel. There was a deep-rooted fear of being accepted, body language reflecting cautiousness and chest heaving with nostalgia. With each story, I began to understand just what kind of life he had dealt with growing up. I can’t tell if my husband is unable to forgive himself or his parents, or both. The empty nostalgic look of regret in his eyes makes me want to take away all of his misery and offer whatever solace I can manage. But how can I draw close when his past stands tall between us?

Though I can’t undo it all, I try to lessen his melancholy through my actions. Endless conversations, late-night walks in silence, little acts of kindness--all these are my methods of declaring my unwavering love for him. It’s only after all this that I can finally comprehend his thoughts about his past and reflect on my own thoughts. How could I have chosen him, despite his complicated history and long feuds? As I fumble with my own questions, I feel his warmth on my shoulder, like a reminder to accept all his vulnerabilities while being willing to move forward.

Our union has survived many storms and even thunderclouds. I may not have known all the hardships he had gone through as a child, but I can certainly rely on my decisions now and recognize their beauty. We chose us. Life perhaps isn’t fair but it surely can be beautiful. If only I had known his unfortunate circumstances to begin with, then I could have more compassion and empathy during our difficult times. But, fate intervened, and my decision to marry him stands the same. Our marriage unites us through our shared laughter and silent moments, where he proves that it is okay to make mistakes, but not okay to remain paralyzed by them. In essence, I try and make sure that, now, he feels both protected and heard in this union.

This entire episode inspired me to imagine a happy, peaceful existence for us and strive towards it. I will continue to cherish our relationship and bind us closer together—while being grateful that, even with its nuances, we still chose each other and are trying to help one another heal.