Met my ex up earlier a month of NC. Need some input

So she broke it off a month ago and we've been NC ever since except I caved in today and texted her to catch up on things. We then met up to talk as I wanted to apologize how I messed up on the relationship by being the "angry" bf at times and didn't get my act together until now. It felt good that she took my apology and she said she would've been the one apologizing. So I told her about my new job and she was saying her new job is great also and has been busy.

Then she brought up what we've been up to and I just said i've been too focused on improving my life and she had also told me she just kept being busy after the breakup. I caved in and said I miss everything we had and she just said it was hard for her also as she got lonely at times. She even brought up if I was dating anyone and I told her I just wasn't ready and am more focused on improving myself. I thought she got the hint that I wanted her back then I asked her and she told me she was just meeting new people but not dating anyone. It kind of hurt me a bit cause it seemed like she was getting over me.

Earlier before we met up she told me she was just trying hard to move on and was questioning me if it was a good idea to see each other. That's when I said i owe her an apology and stuff. I thanked her for the memories and she said it was a learning experience but didn't mention anything about missing it. She mentioned that she didn't regret anything so I hope she meant she didn't regret being with me for the past 4 years. We ended it with a goodbye hug and in good term friendships and she told me if I ever need anything, feel free to contact her.

Oh man I miss her so much but I don't think she'll ever want to get back together. i was her first BF since she was 18 and she's now 22. What do you guys think? I think she just wants to live her life single during this age. It hurts but I feel a bit better..

What was her reason for breaking up with you?

Sounds like she is ready to move on (if she hasn't already). If she wanted to give you guys another shot, I am sure she would have given you some sort of indication.

She won't tell you if she was seeing someone because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

If I can give you some advice DON'T contact her even though she said you should feel free to do so.

If you decide to contact her, you will always put your heart on the possibility of you two getting back together and this will only lead to further disappointment.

I know 4 years is a long time (I just came out of a 4 year and 8 month relationship) but I think it's best for you to find yourself again and establish what you really want in life.

Give yourself proper time to heal and move on.

Sometimes it's just not meant to be.

Good luck.

Too soon for anything. You've planted the seed and showed her that you are getting better (for yourself, not her).

Thanks and yes I definitely won't contact her.

Her reasons were we wanted something different, we were different people I guess she meant incompatible (4 years together and she realized this). I'm her first everything and I'm pretty sure she just wanted to focus on herself and enjoy her single life as I did take away some of her youth years. As hard as it is I'll keep myself occupied on other things

You were one of two people yesterday considering breaking NC to make amends.

But the over all advise is to be clear on your expectations and to know whether or not a meeting can help you or hurt you.

These rarely seem to go as well as intended. Yes, you may have gotten to say some things you wanted to say but mostly you have now taken a step backward and need to begin NC all over again.

We are really good at denial when we kid ourselves and say we need to speak to them without any expectations. Then when we walk away empty handed it hurts all over again.

So now some or all the of the progress you have made may have back slided and now you need to start NC again.

You have gotten your answers. . I am so sorry it didn't go the way you wanted it to.

Let this bring you some closure. . and continue the good work at getting with your life.

Im glad I got the closure and now I have to face it. I was just surprised by her decision. I considered her the one even if she had her crazy flaws. I thought I was her one also and her parents were surprised she broke it off.

It's going to be a long road ahead. Do you guys know why she wouldn't want to get back or mentioning getting back together later on? I mean she even mentioned it was so hard for her trying to move on and it was tough for her being alone and always wanting to keep busy. I just thought it would've been easier for us to stay together but she mentioned that we got comfortable with each other

Time to stop questioning her actions and decision and look to your future.

Time to stop questioning her actions and decision and look to your future.

You are right. I just know there was more to it than what she stated

It doesn't matter anymore.

Im glad I got the closure and now I have to face it. I was just surprised by her decision. I considered her the one even if she had her crazy flaws. I thought I was her one also and her parents were surprised she broke it off.

 

It's going to be a long road ahead. Do you guys know why she wouldn't want to get back or mentioning getting back together later on? I mean she even mentioned it was so hard for her trying to move on and it was tough for her being alone and always wanting to keep busy. I just thought it would've been easier for us to stay together but she mentioned that we got comfortable with each other

I broke up with someone this year. It really didn't matter who was the `dumper' or the 'dumpee' It hurt like utter hell walking away. It was one of the more heartbreaking experiences in my life, second to my divorce. It still hurts at times. Don't be surprised that she's saying she's having a hard time moving on and don't read too much into it either . No one and no relationship is all bad. You both mourn the good things about each other and it's a major adjustment for both sides.

Just because it hurts isn't reason enough to return.

In some cases but not often, one sides skips off unscathed. . But I don't think it's the majority