Well... just saw a photo of my ex with a new guy.. advice/motivation please!

Well, I made the mistake of checking my ex's instagram yesterday and seen a pic of her with a guy saying "fun on my day off". We decided a few weeks ago to break up for good after a few months of a rocky relationship long distance. About a week ago, after a week of NC I reached out to her and found out she went on dates with this guy after meeting him through a friend at a party. She regretted it, said it meant nothing and that she loved me. Also said they kissed (I'm sure more happened) after the second date. We talked for a week off and on and I just had a hard time getting over it and knew I needed to move on. Well she told me she wanted to be "alone" and was happier this way and agreed but reiterated there was no one else. Then yesterday I seen the pic with them together. Any advice and inspiration, I'm going complete NC now which I've struggled with but just feel this delayed my moving on!

Best to cut off all ties. Block her or uninstall those apps. It's about you now. And I say this from a common place. I broke up with my ex and 1 week later she was with someone (and still is after 7 weeks). Looking at her updates will only cause pain. If she has your email and number she can reach you if she wants.

Yes, you are best to cut all ties and proceed with the belief that things are over for good between you. Work on yourself, rediscover your hobbies, passions, work out, hang with your friends, date when the time is right. She's dating someone else now, so I would not ever initiate contact with her. If she contacts you I would tell her that you are not interested in friendship with her but if she changes her mind about your relationship to give you a call (that is if you still want her). That leaves the door open while you move on. But the key is that you actually are moving on and not waiting around for her to decide to come back..you go out and live your life and enjoy it and the people in it that choose to be there with you. Otherwise I would keep radio silence with her and disappear from her life altogether. whatever you do, do not ever chase after her, in fact, chances are that any contact you do have with her will be perceived that way by her and will push her further from you and closer to him.

Funny that she lies about there being someone else, but broadcasts it on instagram. Do you want to be with someone like this? She also said she wants to be "alone." Focus on yourself, block her completely, and even ask your friends not mention her. You've simply got to heal, and you will not with her dating updates.

The only thing you can control right now is your healing and the speed of it. If you want to drag it (the healing) out forever, keep looking at her posts. DO you have and younger family members? I found hanging out with kids therapeutic-- 4-8year olds. You have to keep an eye on them while they entertain you, so it can help in keeping your mind off your ex.

Good luck!

Personal experience. Cut her off. It is over for good. Hard to believe and much easier said than done. But don't torture yourself any more.

The reason you check, or at least the reason I did, many times, is to try and further understand the "why" of what happened. However, it's never answered, it only further confirms the "what", which is what you already know. Each time you check on her, you are only confirming she left you, and she is now with someone else. However, it never confirms if she left you for him, or if he appeared magically at the right time. Both could be true. One may be more true than the other. But ultimately, every time you check, you have only re-confirmed she is not with you and she appears happy. But even if it answers those questions, you still want more. Why not me? Why didn't you say/tell/help me know.??? Nothing can tell you that other than her, which she won't do. It's not a comfortable conversation for her, and she won't say what isn't comfortable to say.

Like I said, I've been there. I feel bad for you because it's a cycle that is very difficult to get out of. However, once you are out of that cycle, you will look back and realize it never helped you. Not once. And then you realize the only thing that did help you was when your brain finally became exhausted with processing the information, let it go, and you lost interest in knowing anything further. Unfortunately, you need to get yourself to that point. Your cycle will continue until you do.

While in my cycle of checking, I finally said, "Ok, you want to hurt yourself more? Have at it. Let's see what she's up to!". Dumb idea every single time. Discovered nothing new, but re-confirmed she wasn't with me. And to this day, I still know nothing more about the why than what I did from day 1. For me, she was interested in other people, not me. It was only until I stopped allowing myself to ask "why" that I finally started to let go. Until that happened, it was utterly exhausting each and every day. I still find myself asking why on occasion, but I don't want the answer anymore and I stopped processing it. It would hurt more to know why than it does to not.

You really don't want to know why, you just don't realize it. And if you did know why, it would then hurt to know she was hurt by someone else, and still didn't come back. Finding out she has broken up with someone and hasn't contacted you will take you further down then you are right now.

Good luck. I feel for you.

stuck in this place too, thanks for the post

Thanks, for the comments. I think the best way to approach this is obviously cut off viewing anything of hers as she can't see any of my social media profiles any longer. I'm going full approach that this is completely over. I think it's funny how she tried to tell me there was no one and going on a date with him while we decided to take a break was a huge mistake because she loved me. It sucks thinking about what they are doing as I can only imagine now they have been on a few dates but I'm trying to be done thinking this way. All that I can work through though, why would I want to be with someone like this and she is obviously moving on so I'm trying to completely 100% focus on working out and my career. If I even think of a possibility of talking to her I'm just reiterating to myself "its over, she was not a good gf, you just feel like there is no one else right now.. it will be fine. Never going to be a backup plan!!!

That sucks man. I've been there. I posted here 4 months ago, still way not over my ex, where I had called her from private number and a guy had answered. I then hung up, was even more destroyed if that were possible...then, a fraction of a millisecond later my whole outlook changed and I healed instantenously. 4 months past and NC and no longer care anymore. Use this to kick start your healing like I did mine.

If you are not together and she is seeing someone, chances are it ain't you. You seem to have the right idea, bud. But try not thinking about what they are doing. Easier said, yes, but keep trying. There will come a day where you don't care anymore but you have to keep remembering what she did to you.

I think the toughest part for me now after reflection is knowing she's a good looking girl and guys have already approached her for dates. I know this was probably happening when we were together so that stings to think about how she even handled it. I just imagine her riding this "single" life and hooking up with these guys to fill the void and just enjoying the freedom of doing so (I know she was somewhat like this last time she interned in NY). I guess it would eventually catch up with her though and I'm just not the type of guy that feels good about doing that myself. I'm just trying to not concentrate on that though and concentrate on myself but that is my biggest obstacle at this point.

When my ex first started dating her new bf, I found it devastating so I know how you feel. Over time (and with no peeking) you will realize that not going ahead with your life (whilst she has no problems doing it herself) is a waste of your time. Nowadays, when I see a pic of them together (such as popping up in my news feed as we're not friends/ I don't peek) I just smile and sort of get proud that it no longer effects me

Stop looking at any of her social media, photos, etc.

Move on. she has already.