Is this weird?

Hi!

I wrote my story in this forum some months ago, you can check my profile if you are interested. My question is... I've been NC since April 29.. deleted cell number, facebook and everything. The point is im really better and see things differently than before. Im really happy with my life right now...

So... why do I find myself wondering if she would text me in my birthday in 26 days? Why am I still reading the second chances forum? I still wonder if we could work this through even when im not even sure what i feel for her now... its pretty weird for me but I would like to have a coffe with her and hear how she's been and whats she up to but i haven't because im not sure if that would hurt me, it's been so long since the last time I knew anything from her that I dont even know why i wonder this things from time to time.

Thanks in advance for the answers.

You're not ready, if you're saying you're not sure. If you're not sure about something, don't do it Stay strong and enjoy your b-day in a good company of friends.

Wow...I'm going through the exact same thing. 7 months post BU, now 2.5 months of NC. I made all the classic mistakes, and tried everything to get her back. She said we could be friends, but very rarely initiated. I quit torturing myself and finally let go and went NC. I have pretty much healed, and have been dating an amazing woman for the past month and a half. I'm perfectly happy where I'm at now, however, I still find my thoughts drifting to her a few times a day. Like you, I'm not quite sure how I feel about her either...more like a mix of mostly indifference sprinkled with a hint of sadness and a dash of longing lol, and I know nothing of what she has been doing, except that she has been seeing her ex-husband from 20 years ago. I too would like to get a text saying "Hi, how are you?" or to catch up over a coffee, but it will never come from me. I've lost 80 pounds and made so much progress with myself in the 7 months since, and I really don't want to jeapordize that, so I just keep doing what I'm doing. I keep telling myself this will eventually pass...at least I hope so

I can relate to what you are saying JRico...It is definitely a weird spot to be in!

I think what you're feeling is normal. Feelings for people don't go away overnight. NC certainly helps you move on with your life and learn how to live w/out the person but feelings for them can linger on and off for awhile. Perhaps it's because your b-day is coming up and you're wondering (hoping?) you get an acknowledgement from her that day that has you thinking like this more now.

I still wonder about all of my exes from time to time, even the one from 20+ years ago. It's not because I want to rekindle anything, it's just more that I'm curious about their lives. She was important part of your life and you may always wonder about her occasionally. I agree w/ sky09 that if you're uncertain how you will feel meeting her or contacting her to catch up, don't do it. You feel ambivalent about it for a reason.

Keep on living your life and know that this will pass. You will think about her less and less. Make fun plans for your b-day and enjoy the day! Hugs!