The texts just keep coming

Hi everyone. This is my first post, though I've been a long time lurker/reader of this site. Just thought I'd share my most recent experience and maybe gain some perspective from others. I've seen many posts on this site about "breadcrumbs" and that's exactly what has been my most recent experience. A little background; I dated a girl (non exclusive) for a few months. I have not seen her since May. Long story short things didn't work out due to long distance and us really not being on the same page. She was just out of a relationship (didn't know that at first) and I got the feeling that she was looking to just jump straight into a new one with me. A little "too much too soon" behavior in my opinion and I wasn't looking to rush anything. Rebound red flag for sure. After it ended between us she moved on very quickly and has been dating someone else for the past several months, which is fine. She told me about the other guy and I accepted it, told her I wished her the best of luck, and walked away. Though during one conversation she did admit that she still had feelings for me and missed me. The issue is that she won't stop contacting me. I have told her on a few occasions that we need to stop communicating, I'm not interested in friendship, and if she's dating someone I'm not interested in being in contact with her. Yet she still texts me, usually about once a week but sometimes more. It's usually idle chit chat but she has thrown me the typical "I hope everything is good" breadcrumb on occasion. I have not initiated any contact with her in months. Recently I got a random text from her asking if I'm dating anyone. I answered her question with a simple "no" but didn't ask her about her current dating situation, which I think she may have been fishing for. Personally, I find it hard to ignore someone, it's just the way I am. Unless someone screws me over but that wasn't the case here. We never even really broke up per say, we just went our separate ways. She is actually a very sweet girl who I did enjoy spending time with, but she's obviously not respecting my wishes. I know that her reasons for contacting me could be numerous (attention, boredom, interest, curiosity, etc.) and the reason is selfish at best, but I'm interested in opinions on why she can't let go of this connection, especially since she's involved with someone. I'd think that he'd have her full attention by now, no need to be contacting me behind his back. I would be open to seeing her or dating her in the future, if we should reconnect at some point and we are both single, so I'm concerned that if I go completely NC on her it may be burning a bridge completely. I realize that by responding to her when I told her we should not be in contact has pretty much shown her that I'm not going to ignore her, so I've dug myself into a hole of sorts. Any opinions are appreciated. Thanks.

Why don't you just block her number?

How do you know it is behind his back?

I guess I don't know for sure she's doing it behind his back.

If you stop responding she will stop texting.

I'm interested in opinions on why she can't let go of this connection,

Here's a few guesses since that's all anyone will give you is a guess:

1. She's keeping you engaged for backup in case the guy she's currently dating dumps her.

2. She's nuts and needs to jump from one relationship into another. (there is actual evidence towards this "guess" being accurate)

3. She's is testing you since you told her you don't want her as a platonic friend and you don't want to keep in touch.. yet you keep keeping in touch.

4. She's seeing just how long you'll respond to her "crumbs" which when you do, you give her an ego boost.

5. She's looking for a piece on the side and you are as good as any since she already knows you.

6. She keeps contacting you because you let her.

Well yes, #2 is accurate. Like I said I just feel like a jerk ignoring someone. But it seems that it may be my only option at this point. I appreciate the replies.

#6 is accurate as well. She broke up with you. You don't have to be polite...don't reply.

^^^ Yep.. I tried to go back in and add that No. 6 "wasn't a guess" but for some reason it wouldn't let me into the edit screen.

@ Op: Stop answering her. Or... answer her with something like "Have you broken up with your new boyfriend?" and then go radio silent until she responds to your question with a "yes." At that point you can decide if you want to pursue her again but if you do.. be wary of No. 2.

If she's says "no" then just don't reply again. Period.

Yeah I realize I made a mistake by stating that I didn't want to be in contact and then replying when she contacted me. That was dumb. As far as her jumping from one relationship to another...that's true. She went from her ex, to me, to the new guy with virtually no break in between. But I didn't know she was on the rebound until later. For all I know, she went back to the ex Lol.

She is obviously someone who likes to always have a man (or two or three) on tap to contact whenever she's in the mood to chit chat for an ego boost or to relieve boredom.

But the thing is, a person can't bother you UNLESS YOU LET THEM. So the key to stopping this contact is for you to block her and stop responding. Your words say 'leave me alone' but your actions are responding to her and continuing the contact. so she's 'getting her way' keeping you on tap as a 'friend' because you keep acting like a 'friend' and responding to her.

So block her entirely. And she needs TOTAL SILENCE to any contact with you and eventually she'll quit using you like this because you won't give her any reward for bothering you.

She is obviously someone who likes to always have a man (or two or three) on tap to contact whenever she's in the mood to chit chat for an ego boost or to relieve boredom.

 

But the thing is, a person can't bother you UNLESS YOU LET THEM. So the key to stopping this contact is for you to block her and stop responding. Your words say 'leave me alone' but your actions are responding to her and continuing the contact. so she's 'getting her way' keeping you on tap as a 'friend' because you keep acting like a 'friend' and responding to her.

 

So block her entirely. And she needs TOTAL SILENCE to any contact with you and eventually she'll quit using you like this because you won't give her any reward for bothering you.

Thanks for the input. In my gut I know that I will have to ignore all contact from her and I'll have to take the risk of burning that bridge entirely. Since she won't listen to me I have no other choice.

>>I would be open to seeing her or dating her in the future, if we should reconnect at some point and we are both single, so I'm concerned that if I go completely NC on her it may be burning a bridge completely.

If that's the case, then you can tell her that you'd be open to it IF she is single and you are still single, BUT that you don't want to be her friend or maintain contact with someone who is dating someone else. So tell her not to contact you unless she has broken up with the other guy and is interested in dating you again.

Then the next time she contacts you, you don't respond other than saying, 'so, does you contacing me mean you broke up with that guy and want to date me again?' If she says no, then you say, 'then nothing has changed. Please don't contact me unless you are interested in dating me again. As we've already discussed, i'm not interested in being friends with exes who are dating other people.'

and every time she contacts, exact same message. No chatting or talking about what you're doing or anything else, just straight to repeating your own goal rather than playing the 'let's be friends' game with her.