Differences on life plans especially money

Hi I am 45. I have been seeing my partner for the past 6 years. Originally when we got together I was not that keen. We are just different people. I am quite conservative, and a saver. My partner had gabbling debts which he has never told me the level of debt that he has been in, has been previously married and has a child. He rents. He has a good income, higher than mine but we fair ok to some. When originally approached about going out together I said no. We are too different I come from a poor migrant family and want to own my own house etc and a few other things. He said we you can not help who you fall for and we would work details out after. I finally gave in and care for him deeply.

I have not put that much pressure on him but a few times a year I snap. We have not set up a joint account together. He told me he is not interested in buying a house despite being on a school principals wage. He wants to continue to pay $200 per week in a two bedroom unit, rather than go halves with me on a $300,000 aud home ( his share would be $150,000 ) I have no idea what he spends his money on.he has no desire to make any long term plans with me in terms of investment. He is due to inherent some money when his mother passes I have no idea of the amount and he does of really care about it as money does not interest him. He loves going on holidays and going out to dinner. He plans those with me. In fact that is all I feel he cares about. He has a son that he supports financially and sees In the The holidays.

I had become pregnant but had later miscarried. Every time it came to making any payment for medical bills he has left me to pay. He has latter offered to pay half. But I do not understand why at the time he leaves me with the bills. To this date he has not paid half. This payment of half also extends to anything household. He has paid for bits and pieces, but is never organised with payment of bills. He wants me to move in with him, in his rented unit. I am so so so upset. For six years I have waited. I made it clear that when we got to get her theses terms are not negotiable. I am tired of living like I'm in my college years . Going to my boyfriend house that is dirty. I am turning 46. I have been saving hard and want make plans together. I do not want to live day to day. My parents made sacrifices and I have made sacrifices so that I can have a better life. My partners bother died at a young age and all he thinks about is having fun, and paying nessary bills. We were meant to go to an open home and I spoke to him about his lack of interest and then it came to a head.

Am I being picky in saying I do not want the life he wants. Am I being precious being cranky that this was something he could have told me in the last 6 years????? I feel betrayed. I'm sick of going out to dinner and holidaying I need to have a grown up life, with a future plan. I care about him and he always tells me that he loves me but I feel that it is the case of why by the cow when you can get the milk for free. Some opinions would be apreccaited. Since I cracked it with him 3 days ago we have not spoken. I told him that the relationship has to have a use by date, and sometimes despite how much you love someone, sometimes you can not make the love work. I have been really sad without him what do Ido.

Has marriage been discussed? Marriage is not the end all be all but it sure clarifies if a man sees you as his life partner, soulmate, mother of his children, etc.

Sounds like you have lots of things you want that you haven't communicated. At your age, I wouldn't waste time not communicating. If he's happy with what he has now, with trips and dinners, let him be. That's his life. But don't try to change him.

Sadly, sometimes "love" isn't enough. Your values are so different on this one issue, but it's an issue that's vital to your happiness and sense of well-being.

The miscarriage and his subsequent behavior are extremely telling. It seems like he's a fun guy when things are going well, but not the responsible, caring adult you long for and need.

I agree. You can't change him, nor he you. Deciding what to do next depends solely on how much you're both willing to compromise your values.

We have not set up a joint account together.

This is good. Don't.

If the dating thing with this man has run it's course, then it has. He has compartmentalized his life and likes it that way. Your desire for a committed relationship with shared goals is natural, but you've come to realize that you simply cannot have that with this man.

Given that all relationships are voluntary, it makes no sense to stick around and resent this man for all that he does not offer. He has demonstrated his level of commitment to you by not disclosing his financial problems, and that doesn't make him 'wrong,' it makes him uncommitted.

Neither of you is a villain--and you don't need a better reason to walk away, grieve, heal and pursue the kind of relationship you want someday with someone else who wants the same things.

Head high.

Sadly he is making it very clear that he doesn't intend to make you a true partner in his life. He wants to have a perpetual dating relationship. Some people are comfortable with that (especially after a bad marriage) and what he'll probably do is just have serial GFs one after the other where when one gets tired of waiting for a 'real' life together and partnership and leaves, he just gets a new GF, rinse and repeat.

He doesn't want the commitment of a house together, and if he is set to inherit money, he may have other plans such as moving into his family house when he inherits (and not sharing the ownership with you), or taking that money and buying his own house but not sharing ownership. He just doesn't really want to blend with you financially, though he will 'let you' live in HIS place that he still controls.

So i think after 6 years you need to quit throwing good money after bad. Which means if it is really clear he won't marry you or really meld his life with you in a shared permanent home, you are going to have to leave. He may snap out of it if he realizes you will leave him if he doesn't start acting like a real couple with you, but it may not. You have to be prepared for what you see is what you get, i.e., he is never going to buy a decent place with you and never share equally with you financially.

And it is frankly pretty cheap/nasty that he doesn't help with the medical costs of losing a baby that you made together (if your insurance didn't cover it). He may just be stingy and cheap, and you really don't want to hook up with a person like that. People who are totally selfish with their money and will stiff their own partners financially will be selfish in other ways as well. So he just isn't a good candidate for a true partner and you probably need to move on.