What to do if you think you're living with a Pervert.

For many years I have often walked in on my Dad watching porn. He would sit on the computer from the moment he gets up and until he goes to bed not letting anyone have use of the family computer. The only time hes gets off it is to eat etc.

Often when using it, as soon as you type in the first letter of a word the searchbar would display every porn site. I'd often have to comepletely clear all the history/downloads/images because they are FULL of porn and my young niece and nephew would often use the computer and I would never forgive myself if they saw that.

Recently the computer broken, full of viruses etc. So now my dad is using MY laptop, which I solely use for university as my course is in graphic design. I cannot get near the laptop to do anything, and when I do again, I have to clear everything. The searches would be for "woman s pig/dogs/horses" or moms ing sons etc. Mostly incestual porn or even of women using the toilet or in the shower. I have tried everything as I am SO embarrassed and angry that he is using MY laptop to look up things that surely arent even legal!? I have tried putting apps on my laptop for anti porn and safesearches on everything, which he got a neighbour to remove as he couldnt get onto any adult sites.

The tip of the iceberg was today when my mum and I arrived home and I walked through the door and he had porn blasting at the highest volume, with every door of the house open and my 9 year old niece sitting 5 metres away in the next room in silence.

I asked if she heard anything strange but she said no she was watching a movie on her tablet. I know he would never hurt a child and doesnt watch that sortve thing (believe me, I know what he watches and thats not his thing, thank god) but the man has a serious porn addiction. I remember being blamed when i was 11 years old little girl and my mum found loads of porn on the computer and he said I had been watching it all. I didnt even know what porn was, I even tried running away when she was telling me what was found because I didnt want to know. Thats how low he will sink, blaming his young daughter.

I have tried telling my older brother, but he ignored it. I dont want to tell my mum as it will break his heart but its getting outve control, I can give the man a byball watching it on the laptop I have to take to university every day and use in a hall full of people but I cant sit by and let him watch sick porn with my niece in the next room alone. I am at the absolute end of my tether, I am so depressed and alone knowing this is going on under my roof. He even watches it whilst we all sit in the next room eating family dinner.

Any help would be greatly appreciated as I am completely alome in this.

Hide your laptop from him. And tell him he can't use it because you don't want all his porn sites popping up every time you use your browser. Porn sites are also notorious for being full of viruses and ads that contain phishing scams etc.

I also think it is time for you to move out. Your father is an adult and you can't control him. His porn addiction is his problem and not yours, and you can't control him. You can tell him what you think, that he's a porn addict and he needs help. But then that's it and you need to let it go, and move out if you find him too disgusting.

btw, even if you find it disgusting, porn (adult porn) is not illegal and many many people do watch it. I know it offends you, but if it's not illegal, and your father wants to do it, then he's going to do it and it's his house and not yours. So if you find it that repugnant, it may be past time for you to move out and earn your own money and get your own place rather than relying on him for money. Frankly it's not YOUR roof, it's his and your mother's roof, and if you're over 18, you don't have to stay there if you're unhappy with how he lives his life including the porn watching.

there is also a good chance your mother already knows and chooses to ignore it. Plenty of spouses know their partners are into porn and don't really care and see it as a hobby and not a sin. She may not like it, but chooses to tolerate it. If you already had that incident when you were 11 where it came out that he was using the computer for watching porn, then she already knows he does it and chooses to accept it rather than see it as a crime worthy of divorce. Your father's sexuality is really his own issues and between him and your mother, and not something you should get involved in at all by trying to police his sexual outlets.

So time to let it go, and get a job and move out. Many people put themselves thru school by working part-time and student loans rather than living with their parents.

Hi

As well as undertaking a full time university course, (38 hours) I also work a minimum of 20 hours a week, for the upkeep of my car. I also have never asked my father (or mother) for money, nor do they ever give me money, as I WORK for my own money rather than 'living off him' did ask for advice, however being told to move out and get a job is not really a solituon, is it....? Thats more of a brush the subject under the carpet approach.

I also doubt that if i did live under the same roof as a sponging, jobless scroate it would alter this problem. I asked this on a forum for those who have been in similar positions to give advice on what theyve done. I know many people watch porn, i am not naive, however I also know many people find sex with animals etc distasteful, I dont think it's a matter of me being prudeish or anything like that. I also know that beastiality is an illegal crime, and if caught in possession of images depicting humans in a sex act with animals, you could face prison or a fine.

However, I greatly appreciate the first stage of your advice, but I kindly will disregard the latter!

You are coming from the place where it is OK for you to preach to your father as to what his sex life should be about. You shouldn't! And if you're living under his roof for free, they are giving you money in the form of paying the mortgage and feeding and housing you which you don't have to pay.

Look, i understand, it is kind of gross and no one wants to think of their parents as sexual beings. It is uncomfortable. And to have an awareness that he's really into porn is even more annoying. But that's what it should be to you, annoying, not cause for wanting to run him out of town on a rail or label him a pervert. His sexual choices are his own, and in tdoay's world, it is the norm that men watch porn and you will have a hard time finding a man who doesn't do it (though men will do it to differing degrees and frequencies).

I have been in a similar position where my father was a really annoying person to live with (for other reasons). And the solution there was to move out. I didn't have a right to dictate how he lived in his own home, so I chose to move out, and I moved out as soon as I was legally able to do so.

Unless you are wililng to drop a dime on your father and call the cops and report him for watching bestiality porn, there's not much you can do here. And in the U.S. anyway, it would do no good, because it is not illegal to watch it, though it is illegal to engage in it. I agree it is gross, and your father seems to have wide ranging tastes that are outside the norm for many people, but you can't dictate what he does just because you find it is gross.

So your options are report him to the police (if he is indeed doing something illegal in your jurisdiction), but that would destroy him and your mother's life and could very well alienate them from you for life (not to mention throw you out of their home). Or you could try talking to him and tell him how you feel and that you think he needs help. Or you could try talking to your mother and see if she can get him to go get help. Or you can move out. But that is the extent of what you can do.

My choice would be to try to talk to him and my mother, then if nothing changed, to move out. I woudn't want to see my father go to jail (and in this country what he is doing is not illegal so it wouldn't happen anyway). I'd consider my parent's sex life their own business, and wouldn't want to interfere with it either other than to make a recommendation they get help if they were engaging in something I considered harmful to them. They're adults, and live their own lives and make their own choices. You can't do that for them.

Your computer is a laptop. Carry it with you. Insure it and lock it in a locker at work or school if that is easier. If your dad wonders where it is, say whatever works. It is none of his business where your stuff is, so it also isn't important to tell him the truth. Just say something to end the conversation: "I don't have it with me" or even "I left it at school." Do not engage with your father on this topic.

I agree about moving out. I get how hard you are working; nonetheless, I would make a moving out a high priority. I would not be comfortable in the same house with this man, knowing how thoughtless he is and utterly without boundaries or respect for others as evidenced by his behavior.

He is your dad. Much that is normal to you is unthinkable to others. To be a dad, and make it possible for your child to walk in on you while watching porn, is in itself a boundary violation. I suggest that he intentionally allows others to walk in on him because he enjoys imposing himself on others, if only by making them see and hear what he is looking at. The porn he chooses is in the same vein: humans imposing themselves on animals; women being filmed while in a presumably private space.

Keep your laptop with you. Assert your boundaries. Move out as soon as feasible. This needs to be a higher priority for you. When we grow up with a parent who runs roughshod over other people's personal space, as your father did and does, we don't understand the concept of boundaries. We make our boundaries so close to ourselves that it is almost as if we have none at all. This is why you let him use your laptop, simply by leaving it about. Don't.

You will not change your father. Your mother knows. You need to look out for you.

And if I were your sibling, I would not want my niece in that house, ever.

I am sorry, I know I am writing about your family in a way that may be hurtful. I am gravely concerned about the breadth and depth of your fathers' habits, and how they have impacted you. I really want you to be somewhere else as soon as possible. I don't even want you sleeping and showering there. I am having a deeply visceral reaction to your post. The feeling gets worse, not better, as I try to challenge it and make it go away.

Please understand you are right about your father's behavior, and that what you can observe may be the tip of the iceberg. He enjoys violating other people's privacy - your thoughts are private, but not when he lets you - even as a child - "accidentally" see his porn, forces you - and your young niece! - to hear his porn. He is violating your boundaries in a smart, intangible way, by forcing his porn upon your brain. Where does this behavior end?

Since your father is not going to change unless he wants to, it's up to you to change what you do and how you act/react.

Take the laptop with you. Make a user sign-in and password so that's it's locked to others. Set the browsing history to "private" so his websites don't pop up when you're using it. And yes, start thinking about moving out. Moving out would not be "brushing it under the rug." You're addressing the problem by realizing that you can't change him, but you can change what you do.

Also, speak with your sibling about your niece and nephew. It's up to him/her to decide if the kids can still come over under those circumstances. All you can do is make him/her aware, but ultimately you are not the parent.

Lavenderdove, this isn't about respecting her father's sexuality. He is doing this stuff in plain site in front of CHILDREN. That is close to abuse in my opinion. And the stuff he is watching is illegal, incest and bestiality are not legal or normal fetishes honestly. He is putting his daugther in danger by putting this stuff on her laptop. You think it's normal sexuality to watch porn all day every day loudly while other people including a 9 year old are around? He has a problem, this is not ok behavior.

Put a password on your laptop, try to keep it with you at all times and call him out for being a pervert. Tell him you don't care if he watches porn on HIS computer in private where no one else is around but doing it while other people are trying to live their lives is not ok. Honestly you could probably report him for watching it so loudly while taking care of your cousin. It might be the wake up call he needs to get help.

I have tried putting apps on my laptop for anti porn and safesearches on everything, which he got a neighbour to remove as he couldnt get onto any adult sites.

The tip of the iceberg was today when my mum and I arrived home and I walked through the door and he had porn blasting at the highest volume, with every door of the house open and my 9 year old niece sitting 5 metres away in the next room in silence.

These are the root problems. The fault is on the OP's dad for:

1. Exposing young children to pornography

2. Getting a neighbor to hack into the OP's laptop and crack his security codes.

I dont want to tell my mum as it will break his heart but its getting outve control

You will have to. He crossed the line by doing this around a niece AND by getting a neighbor to break into your school computer.

Until then, hide your laptop (don't put it in a hot car though).

And the stuff he is watching is illegal, incest and bestiality are not legal or normal fetishes honestly.

Incestual porn isn't illegal- they're actors, not necessarily related in real life. Bestiality porn is only illegal depending on where you live.

However, unless she's willing to call the police on him for that, it's a moot point.

Tell him you don't care if he watches porn on HIS computer in private where no one else is around but doing it while other people are trying to live their lives is not ok.

Again, that would be her trying to change someone, which likely won't work. It's his house. Unfortunately, that means he can do what he wants in it.