ut804 Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 Why do some men keep texting me when I ignore all their texts? I KNOW you will all say that I need to send him a rejection text, but I hate doing this because then that starts a whole argument. so I'd rather just ignore texts and messages from guys I am not interested in thinking they will take the hint. My question is why do they persistently text me over a long period when every time I ignore their messages? Example 1: This one guy I talked to on a dating site. I gave him my number and we talked on the phone. He wanted me to meet him at his house right away. I said no. I asked if we could meet in a public place and he said no because it's cold outside (!?). I thought this guy was a creep for suggesting that. He said he would call me again. He did the next day. I ignored it. Then he called again. Then over the NEXT FEW WEEKS he kept sending me text messages and calling me here and there. I ignored every single call and text. WHY doesn't he get the hint? Example 2: An old friend from college. We hooked up once but he really wasn't my type. I really couldn't stand him because he's such a negative person and complains all the time. So I wouldn't answer calls or texts. IT HAS BEEN 2 YEARS and he STILL texts and calls me!!!! And I have not answered a single call or text in 2 years so WHY is he still calling or texting? I myself would only call someone once or twice and if they don't answer then I give up, so why do they keep persisting??? Now I know all of you will say that I need to give them a rejection message, but that's not exactly the point, my question is why do they still keep trying?? Link to comment
SWEET_J Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 Because they are the type of men who want what they can't have....there are PLENTY of people like this. It's kinda pathetic, but they are out there. My suggestion is if you want it to stop then tell them to leave you alone. Who cares what they think? Link to comment
ut804 Posted December 31, 2010 Author Share Posted December 31, 2010 yeah I know it's my fault because I have to tell them to stop and that i'm not interested. It's just that when I've done this they start an argument with me and I don't like drama so it's easier to ignore the text. most guys get the hint.. but there's always a few guys who will endlessly keep trying and it just amazes me! Link to comment
CSLX9 Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 One reason you keep on messaging/calling is because there could be many many reasons, other than that you're ignoring, that you're not answering. Say someone calls you, but you were at a meeting, so you don't answer. Then you might have been about to call them afterwards or text them, explaining that, but then you either forget or you get distracted. So then they call again and it continues. Of course, some people are just plain persistent. I think some want to show that they are dedicated if they keep calling, even if there are big intervals between calls/texts. One of my friends knew a guy, whom had been rude to her, but even a YEAR after she had told him no and didn't answer, he still would send her a text or two at some point. And eventhough she didn't like him, she did give him kudos for being persistent, which is a plus mind you. But really, this take a hint stuff and ignoring, is a pathetic way to go about it, if you haven't even had the courtesy to drop one line saying no sorry, forget it. Maybe if you did, less would keep texting/calling. There's easily a sense of ''not getting closure'' if you just ignore out of the blue. Hence why you keep on trying to establish contact, so you can find out just exactly what the issue/reason was. Link to comment
SWEET_J Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 Hmmmm..better yet...tell the guy you WANT to get married within the next couple of months and have a baby...chances are they will leave skid marks....lol Link to comment
CSLX9 Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 yeah I know it's my fault because I have to tell them to stop and that i'm not interested. It's just that when I've done this they start an argument with me and I don't like drama so it's easier to ignore the text. most guys get the hint.. but there's always a few guys who will endlessly keep trying and it just amazes me! Even if they start an argument, after that, you can ignore them. So long as you have made it clear you're not interested and wont answer from now on and farewell. Link to comment
shuttlefish Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 Society rewards those who do not give up...it is the way of the American Dream!! "don't take no for an answer" "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again" "Live the dream" "the power of positive thinking" "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take" "never, ever give up" "Life has no limitations, except the ones you make" "Remember: Success is nothing but luck. Just ask any failure." "Whether you think you can or can't, you're right." "An obstacle is often a stepping stone." "Life is "trying things to see if they work" "Vision without action is daydreaming and action without vision is a nightmare." The list goes on and on. This kind of perseverance makes for successful salesmen, businessmen, inventors and especially politicians. America, capitalism and world domination was built on this kind of thinking. That dogged determination, that eternal hope in face of failure, that unshakeable conviction of ones destiny. Every star in hollywood, every top musician, every writer, every artists knows all abut being rejected a 1000 times before achieving their goals. They are successful becuase they did NOT accept failure. This message is broadcast everywhere, television, all media, self help books, biographies, education, counselling, authorities figures....right down to elementary schools. Is it a small wonder why men translate this kind thinking into the pursuit of women. Especially when for some women, playing hard to get is a sport to them...expecially when it pays off. The sad truth is if your not doing this, then someone is doing it to you....on a personal level, yesterday, I had a salesman follow me out to parking lot...right out to my car to try to finalize a sale. It could seem his eyes gleaming, like a tiger about to make a kill. He failed, I won...to fight it out another day Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 guy #1 - he sounds creepy, glad you didn't meet him. i think it is fair to block his number. guy #2 - you said he was a friend. maybe he still considers you a friend, even if you do not. there's no real nice way to say 'we're not friends anymore.' so i guess i would just slowly trail off contact with him. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 i agree that "persistence pays off." while sometimes the girl is annoyed, sometimes, he finally wears her down. lol. i know several relationships where the man persued the woman for years before she finally relented, and now they are happily married. Link to comment
IsThisIt Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 i agree that "persistence pays off." while sometimes the girl is annoyed, sometimes, he finally wears her down. lol. i know several relationships where the man persued the woman for years before she finally relented, and now they are happily married. I suspect those relationships are anomalies. Relatively straight forward findings in social psychology suggest that in the vast majority of cases, persistence doesn't pay off when one party is not interested in the other. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 I suspect those relationships are anomalies. Relatively straight forward findings in social psychology suggest that in the vast majority of cases, persistence doesn't pay off when one party is not interested in the other. I agree. I would probably say that 'persistence pays off' less than 10% of the time. I know if a guy kept coming onto me after i told him no, i would call the police next. Link to comment
shuttlefish Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 I suspect those relationships are anomalies. Relatively straight forward findings in social psychology suggest that in the vast majority of cases, persistence doesn't pay off when one party is not interested in the other. Yes, but one only hears of the success stories. The message come from the victors not the vanquished. That's the problem. No one ever tells the tale of how they gave up after a while. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 ^^ lol, those stories aren't as interesting. "I met this cute girl at the bar. I got her number. I called a few times, we played phone tag. I asked her out again, but she said she wasn't feeling well. i called her about 6 more times after that, but i never heard from her again." Link to comment
shuttlefish Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 ^^^^^ Maybe ENA needs a thread category for failure stories. A place where people can post how they didn't succeed! Link to comment
CSLX9 Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 ^^^^^ Maybe ENA needs a thread category for failure stories. A place where people can post how they didn't succeed! Hahaha, well... In a way... Those categories already exist... By the way, about your American Dream. One once said that it's called a dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. . . And hey annie, did you notice you used the word creepy? again. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 Some people aren't particularly tuned in to social cues, so for them, multiple texts, phone calls, etc. with no response are not discouraging. Then, there are those who feel as though they have nothing to lose -- they don't really care if they look desperate or stalkerish if there's even a possibility they might be successful (I've known a few of these, for sure!). Then, there are the delusional, who make up excuse after excuse for why the person isn't responding, and they keep contacting because "she's just busy" or "maybe his phone isn't working" or "maybe aliens abducted her and she hasn't been able to check her messages." ;-) My rule is TWO times, and I'm done -- at least for romantic relationships. I contact the guy once and he doesn't respond, I might wait a bit and try one more time. No response the second time and I'm out. That's it for me. Sometimes, I don't even go past one time -- it really depends on the situation. I can definitely take a hint, though. No response generally means "I'm not interested," or, at the very least "I'm not interested enough." Link to comment
ut804 Posted January 1, 2011 Author Share Posted January 1, 2011 thanks everyone. next time I'm going to give a clear "im not interested" message, even if that means he'll get upset and start an argument... I just don't get why some people don't get the hint, but they probably think I'll give in if he calls enough times. but as for my old friend, how do you 'dump" a friend? If I told him 'stop contacting me I don't want to be friends with you" that sounds kinda harsh Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 1, 2011 Share Posted January 1, 2011 yeah, with the friend, it is tricky. i'd just stick to a few emails a year. talk about your hot new bf/crush/etc. Link to comment
ut804 Posted January 1, 2011 Author Share Posted January 1, 2011 yeah thats a good idea Link to comment
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