ShySoul

Always felt this helped put things in perspective: I won't break my back for a million bucks / I can't take to my grave So why put off for tomorrow / What I could get done today Catch up on all the things I've always missed / Just start livin', that's the next thing on my list

From what I've seen I think some people tend to have addicitive personalities. They throw themselves into whatever thier focus is on. I imagine an alcoholic might be prone to this. I've also known former alcoholics to do it with religion, becoming devout and born again. I understand wanting to do a good job with your work. I especially understand feeling like leaving things to others means they won't be done properly. But you can't do or control everything. Trying to will eventually burn you out. My best friend became so stressed over work it made her sick to the point she ended up in the hospital. That wouldn't help anyone - you, your family, or your co-workers. Everyone needs to take time for themselves and appreciate what really matters in life. There will always be more work to do, another meeting or presentation. The business will keep on going, trading out workers as needed. But your children are only young for so long. Don't lose the moments with them. When you look back on life it's those moments that will mean the most. Make time for them. Family comes first.

Sorry that happened. File it under "not meant to be" and know there are plenty of other guys out there that will keep in touch and initiate. You'll find someone better suited for you who will be able to fit you into their schedule.

Thanks for the article. I know I used to hear jokes about all her songs being about breakups with people she dated, but it actually makes sense. She's good at taking real personal feeling and putting them down in a way others can relate to. Haven't followed her in years, but most of the songs I did like from her tended to be the sadder ones. I'll take the heartache in Back to December over the rainbows and unicorns of Me. Well said. Life is the full spectrum of emotions. Sometimes you to connect with the down to appreciate the good.

Or culture to culture. There's no universal standards and whatever is in fashion today can fall out of fashion at any time. Physical standards are ever evolving. What's important is that the person you're with can appreciate your form of beauty - inside and out. Thanks for the history listen lolita. I wonder why that topic never came up any time I had to study Ancient Greece? 😉

On one hand, I easily get annoyed with superficial conversations and crave deep meaninful conversations. On the other hand, I don't like to open up too much unless I feel I know and can trust you. So it's a mixed bag in my book. Overall though, I'd lean on the side of having those conversations early, as soon as you are both comfortable. Deeper talks are when you get to know the real person, who they are at their core. You see just what their values are and where they stand on things that matter to you, things that will determine just how far this is likely to go. Why wouldn't you want to know those things? My personal experience comes more from a get to know someone as friends then devlop romantic interest in each other perspective, but I think these topics have come up fairly early. Relationships come up as a topic naturally and I try to be an open book on my views. Generally that openness and honesty gets reflected back. Of course, since we're just friends (at least at that point) that's bound to relieve some of the pressure and tension. I'm sure it's a little harder when it's a date situation. I feel like everything is more sped up these days. People need an answer now and have to know where this is going and if it will work or if they are wasting their time and should just drop it to move onto the next potential person. I'm wondering if that's what you are feeling? Could it be tied to the dating app culture of immediately swipe this way to accept or swipe the other to reject? There's always another profile, another possibility. So if I need to figure out right now by asking these questions if I should invest the time or if I should move on. Personally, I think a lot could be gained by slowing down.

Of course I'd be saying these things if a knew you in real life. As someone who has always been harder on themselves then anyone else, I've spent far too much time saying similar things to myself as you do. I've beat myself up over and over on being stupid and foolish. I've convinced myself I would fail at things to the point I did fail. And I've questioned why anyone would love, me, especially a women. I get how you feel. But I also know that all those times I was wrong, just as you are wrong about being incompetent. You are a good person, worthy of so much love. You have strengths and skills, you just have to look deep and find it within you. I have a feeling if I knew you in person, I'd likely be drawn to you and more supportive. I'm drawn to someone more modest who might need a little confidence boost. You actually seem like a good person to me, just wish you could see it for yourself. Agreed. Fantasies, particularly sexual ones, tend to be outlets for things we feel are missing in our day to day life. If you can find a healthy way to gain that confidence and control in your life, that should help with these thoughts. And again, there is nothing wrong with having a fantasy and even playing it out in a safe, consenual partnership.

Do whatever you're comfortable with and can handle doing. Be nice and polite, just as you would with anyone. Anything else is up to you. If you aren't up for conversations, maybe feel uncomfrotable around him, that's natural. You don't have to be best friends and hang out alot. Nor do you need to avoid him. Just do what you are okay with. If that means just a polite hi and leaving it at that, then that's fine. All the uneasiness you're feelig, he's probably feeling some of it too. So try not to make it a bigger deal. There's no need to be nervous or react strongly. Just stay calm, relax, and go on with your day. Even if it's akward at first, it will get better and you'll be fine.

I also feel that if others perceive something about me by the way I dress or look, that has just as much to do with them and their personal opinions and biases. They have every right to feel as the are going to feel. But I learned long ago to not judge a book by its cover. How many tech companies create devices that change how people live, make bundles of money, and have lax dress codes? How many times has someone been dressed up nice and proper, only to be found out to be a rude jerk? We're in an age where people can work from home in pjs and be just as productive as wearing a suit in an office. Appearances can be deceiving. How you look on the outside may not be accurate to who you are on the inside.

For me how I look does not make feel good in the slightest. I will do what I need to for basic health and hygiene. That's just being respectful to myself and ensuring I can stay healthy enough to keep living. Otherwise, I couldn't care less. Clothes are there to protect me from the elements (and protect the eyes of the innocent from a sight that doesn't need to be seen 😉). They don't reflect the real me. My physical appearance is also not the real me. So I honestly don't see how looking better would make me feel better about myself. If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, what does looking good even mean? Good by whose standards? What I would consider looking good will vary wildly with what others will think. If its all a matter of individual tastes and preferences, is it something I really want to devote much time to? If I'm more comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt then the latest trend, what difference does it make? I've always been more focused on the inner world. The body is a shell. Who we are lies within... our thoughts, our emotions. I feel good when I can find peace with all the swirling thoughts in my head. I feel good when I am acting from my heart and helping someone in need. I feel good when I use my imagination to build something creative. It all comes from traits within me, not outside of me. And I feel the same with others. I won't be able to say what you were wearing five minutes after we part. But I will be able to say how you made me feel and the kind of person I sensed you were. I'd actually say its the reverse for me. When I feel good, I think I look better. Think that in general. When a person is truly happy with themself, their aura shines. It doesn't matter the outfit, the body, the accessories.. they have a natural confidence and belief in who they are and what they are doing. That will draw people to them. I keep the same look on the outside. But its when I've stopped caring about how I appear and just focus on being the real me inside, that's when I've got compliments on both sides - internal and external.

Armyguy, I understand how it is when you really like someone. Even when you know its not going to work out, you still want to cling to that hope. You still believe something will change. When someone gets in your heart, you can't just move on and try to meet someone else. Your heart wouldn't be in it if you tried. So don't try. Don't try with her and don't try to meet anyone else. Right now should be about you. Put a pause on relationships at all. Give yourself and your heart time off. Take time to feel all the emotions you are feeling and go where that rollercoaster takes you. Take as much time as you need. This is your story, no one else. Be as close to her as you want, while respecting her wishes if she isn't interested romantically. Be a friend because (contrary to what many will say) being friends with someone is usually a good thing. Focus on enjoying your life and having fun yourself. Eventually, you will be okay and find yourself in a better mindset.

You said you were done and didn't message him. He returned in kind. Sounds like both of you came to the conclusion you didn't want to continue. You were perfectly justified in being upset. In a relationship you actually want to be together. If he wasn't able to be around and spend time with you, then he wasn't in the right space to be having a relationship. You shouldn't be expected to stay in a situation that clearly wasn't making you happy. In my opinion it may have been better to actually tell him it was over and why. That could have provided the closure you now seek. It also would have been nicer to him and may have left him with something to think about. As it stands now, he may actually see you as the one who left him and not realize what his actions did to you. Not saying you were wrong, just that clean breaks tend to be better for both parties. Reaching out to him is not necessary. However, its not about what is necessary, its about what will make you feel better. If you believe you'll be better with one last contact, saying your piece to him... You should do it. If you are okay letting this be how it ends, then don't talk to him. Every person has there own way of healing and finding closure. Do what feels right for you.

Sorry for your loss. If you do get another one, I'm sure it will be loved tremendously.

When I was 22 I chatted with a 14/15 year old girl online. We communicated on and off for four or five years. I never tried to hit on her or insinuate there could or should be anything between us. I just thought she was a remarkably mature, intelligent and fun person whose conversations I enjoyed. Was I being creepy or doing something wrong? I find it interesting how quick people are to label someone they don't know and haven't interacted with. Could she be a bad person who he should avoid? Sure. Could she be an okay person who made a really bad mistake? Sure. It's good to be careful and cautious, but why assume the worse of people. Not everyone is a predator with ulterior motives.

I just mentioned her age because I knew you were bound to get people saying that's inappropriate and telling you to forget her for that very reason. The point was to say that it doesn't have to be an issue depending on the people involved. The lie is the real sticking point here. It wasn't right and wasn't fair for you. But trying to put myself in her shoes, I can understand her reasoning. You see the instant reaction everyone here had - she is a creep who is manipulating and grooming you. It's entirely possible that was the reaction she thought you would have. And once you start with a lie, it becomes harder and harder to stop. Telling you the truth would lead you havig to decide if you were okay with her age, would hurt you from the lie, and risk ended a friendship. Perhaps she was just too scared to face all that. Doesn't make it any less wrong or sad, but I'm just trying to think of all possibilities before reaching a conculsion. I'd look at the entire relationship. Has she said or done other things that you find questionable? Has she tried to pressure you in any way? Has she actually tried to scam you? When found out, did she try to cover more or is her explanation in line with what you know of her? You didn't even say if you were officially in a relationship with her or where exactly things stand in terms of romance. I gather you are at least considering it. When did those feelings start coming up, from either side? One moment or action doesn't define a person or a relationship. It's the pattern that counts. So look at the pattern and decide just how well you think you know each other. I will agree though to not get too attached if you have not met in person. Having a friend online is fine. But don't get ahead of yourself and think there is a deep romance until you are physically around the person. In the end, none of us know her or her motivations. All we can do is speculate. You are the one who actually knows her. So trust your instincts. If you can't take the lie, then stop things. But if you still believe you can continue talking with her, then do so. I'd be cautious, as someone who lies should understand they need to earn that trust back. The call is yours.