How can I let him know...?

[maybetomorrow]

There's this guy i met at the beginning of the school year. He is a senior and i'm a freshman. We are neighbors...never knew it until we rode the same bus together. To make a long story short, he asked me to be his girlfriend about two months into our friendship and i said no for a number of reasons. Time passed. I was going thru some tough times. He was always there for me and I started seeing him as more than a friend. I decided to tell him how I was feeling but took it all back because of some other stuff that happened. I never offered him a complete explanation other than to say i was very confused...which i was.

 

Time passed again...our friendship did not change one bit. I still feel horrible for leading him on like that. So now, finally, im completely sure of how i feel towards him. Except that...

 

A. I don't know how he feels about me and everything that happened.

B. I don't know how to let him know how I feel again.

 

I usually dont have a hard time with guys but it seems that i simply cannot flirt with him. It really kills me to see him all the time and feel as though we're not going anywhere...I rejected him once...told him i liked him...took that back.... How can I let him know that i deeply care about him as more than a friend after our history together?

[DN]

Welcome to eNotAlone.

 

Tell him that now that you have go your life under control you feel that you would like to start dating him and see if anything could develop. Say that you always found him attractive but it is only now that you can act on those feelings. Keep it fairly low-key and see what he says.

[maybetomorrow]

The first time i rejected him, it was because i purely saw him as a friend. The second time, when I took everything back, it was because i was doubting my sexuality. All of a sudden, I realized I was crushing on my best friend (a girl). I know he'll probably ask me why i've changed my mind ~again~ (IF he is interested). I don't feel ready to tell him the real reason...yet. So how do i get around that?

 

Also, how do i bring the subjet of "us" up in general? I put myself out there once and was forced to take it all back. How do i start the conversation? Is there any other way to let him know? k, so maybe I'm looking way too much into this but i really care about him and it makes me really nervous after what happened before.

[ghost69]

make a list. i've gone through this with my ex. i made of list of what i want to do in my life. things i need to change. things i've already changed. i think you should show that you have made your life better and how he could fit into it. then present the list.

[maybetomorrow]

oh c'mon you guys...anything else? suggestions? comments? whatever you have to offer. im slitely desperate here.

[ghost69]

 

 

 

not going anywhere...I rejected him once...told him i liked him...took that back.... How can I let him know that i deeply care about him as more than a friend after our history together?

 

i believe you may have already lost your chance with this. that's what i call playing games. i bounce out after that on a chick.

[maybetomorrow]

i believe you may have already lost your chance with this. that's what i call playing games. i bounce out after that on a chick.

 

*reality slap* yes, you're prolly rite. i wasn't trying to play any games though. i was extremelly confused. AHHH!

i can't believe i've missed out on such a great guy. this kinda blows...:sad:

[iblv]

Be honest and tell him why you pulled back and what's changed in you since then. Then tell him how you feel now. Honestly, you may have lost your chance since rejection, however gentle and well intended, hits a guy pretty hard. But, you'll know you tried and he'll know you're interested. And if he's not willing to explore anything deeper now, maybe he will later. At least hopefully you'll preserve your friendship with him.

[ghost69]

tell him you were playing games and you are sorry. jk

 

don't pressure him for flirt back with you. just keep ur chin up and if you see him just say hey and ask how he's been. least you can do. at least you still have comm open.

[maybetomorrow]

tell him you were playing games and you are sorry. jk

 

How does..."Hey, so umm sorry for playing with your feelings.That is soo last year. Wanna be my boyfriend?"...sound? lol

[maybetomorrow]

Be honest and tell him why you pulled back and what's changed in you since then. Then tell him how you feel now. Honestly, you may have lost your chance since rejection, however gentle and well intended, hits a guy pretty hard. But, you'll know you tried and he'll know you're interested. And if he's not willing to explore anything deeper now, maybe he will later. At least hopefully you'll preserve your friendship with him.

 

 

We're still really close friends. I've trusted him with more about me than most of my other friends. That's the thing...i rejected him and he still hung in there. So i don't know. Maybe honesty is the way to go after all. I guess i'll just wait and see what happens...

[AznSalamando]

I guess you should try your chances since if he let you know his feelings before theres a good chance that he still has feelings for you now, especially if he still hung in there. Usually whenever I feel that there is no chance for me, I just put my feelings aside or behind a wall somewhere so that it doesn't affect the friendship, but if theres any hope of something happening, I start to let some of it show.

 

Recently it was the same thing with this girl who I am really close to. A while back, I actually started to fall for her and I let her know ahead of time. She told me she was afraid of opening up and trying something that would make her get out of her comfort zone, and at that same time her ex boyfriend found out that I was interested in her and started wanting her back (even though he dated another girl after he broke up with her). The guy is actually a friend of mine but not that close really, and I actually treat him well. Point being, she told me she needed time and that she couldn't see how it was possible for us to date because of our semi-distance (30 mins) and our schedules. I was not sure if she meant wait or she was trying to rekindle anything and give her ex a chance. But at least I let it be known that I had feelings for her and that I wanted to be a part of her life.

 

Somewhat of a rejection, I guess I just decided to put my feelings behind and treat her as a friend. Eventually I just felt that we could only be friends, or at least for the time being. But recently she started to leave messages and catch my interest, and came up in a coversation that had passed trying to respark any relationship with her ex. But im not so sure if she still/or ever had feelings for me. She was never clear on that, and she never said that she didn't. So at this point, I figure its best because to me being rejected twice is too much to handle, I already let her know once and she should know that I still feel that way about her (even though one time I told her that my feelings had passed so that she could feel comfortable with me as a friend, but she seemed a little disheartened by that).

 

I am not sure how to go about it either... I am not sure if she still wants to give US a chance, or whether shes just looking for somebody to be there and talk to. Pretty much I just want her to go out and let me know whether she just wants me to wait right now or whether the only thing we'll ever have from what she sees so far is being friends. But its so ambiguous.

 

I guess it goes both ways, your not sure if he still likes you and he probably isn't sure you like him since you rejected him then liked him then rejected him or thats what it seems. Maybe if there was a way to make it clear without putting your friendship or emotional stability in jeopardy. I wish I had a straight answer but from my experience it doesn't help much.

 

Let me know how it turns out, I am hoping for the best for you.

[ghost69]

We're still really close friends. I've trusted him with more about me than most of my other friends. That's the thing...i rejected him and he still hung in there. So i don't know. Maybe honesty is the way to go after all. I guess i'll just wait and see what happens...

 

don't push for it. but maybe show a bit more interest now. if you back out this time if he does come around. you are done. cya.

[maybetomorrow]

AznSalamando,

 

Thank you for your reply.

 

Maybe that's what he has been doing...hiding his feelings. I've tried to give him some hints during the past week nd I think he has caught on. Like, yesterday, he texted me and asked what i was doing. I answered by asking him what he was up to...then he was like...just thinkin about you...! how great is that? in my experience, that definitely isn't a comment that happens between friends. And then, he was just being really sweet nd stuff.

 

Now, we have to somehow get out of this "friend zone" we've gotten stuck in. That is the main reason why i cant flirt...it simply doesn't feel normal. On the phone nd online though.. completely different story...so i guess i'll just let things go...nd see what happens.

 

Newho, thank you for your story. And I wish you the best of luck as well.

[AznSalamando]

Same here... its really hard to realize what flirting around is and what showing your true feelings are for someone. How to actually cross the line between playful and friendly flirting to exposing your true feelings to someone. Its hard, because we're too used to being so flamboyant with people that when it comes time to be serious, its hard to be taken seriously.

And just the fear of losing that person's friendship if you became too serious with the whole issue... you just end up toiling around at the boundries between friendship and a intimate relationship.

I am still in the process of figuring out how she feels... she hasn't done enough to make me feel as if she really wanted something. And maybe I have been doing the same, but it almost feels like a game though, as if we don't want to be the first one to give in and kinda want the other to show more cards before we show ours.

[Altruist]

OP, you're the one who put this guy on standby after he'd played his part by telling you that he liked you. It's up to you now to tell him that you now want more than just friendship. You can't expect him to put himself out there again after you made it clear that you were not interested in a relationship.