We keep playing this stupid game! He confuses me..

[HotCoko]

Ok let me start off that I've been talking to this guy for months. At first it started out as a friendship and in some ways it still is. We have good conversations and he calls me all the time and every night on the phone to talk about our day or whatever.We just have a good time when we're together or on the phone, we'll just flirt or play around and laugh. He makes me feel good. At first he wanted a friends with benefits type deal but I told him that I'm not that type of girl. He was cool with it, he doesn't seem like he's interested in me just for that, because if he was.. he would have bailed months ago. I haven't done anything with him even though he tries to get fresh with me from time to time and I tell him to stop. He stops without a problem.

 

He's a nice guy & he is very charming and funny, I tried not to but I'm having feelings for him hard. So one day we went out to the movies and we went over to his place. We started playing videogames and out of the blue, we kissed at one point. It was very sensual and romantic. We couldn't keep our hands off each other for awhile. There would be a point where we would stop & talk, and then we'd kiss again later on. It most have happened three times during that night. It was getting late so I decided to spend the night at his house, we didn't have sex or anything nor did he pressure me into anything. We just laid asleep in the same bed cuddling until morning came. It was weird the next morning, because we hardly said a word to one another. We got up and he took me home.After awhile he started becoming distant and started acting funny. He stopped calling me and I found myself calling him and most of the time he would be unavailable. He wouldn't answer HIS CELL PHONE! Come on, that let's me know he was avoiding me. I started wondering what did I do or say for him to act like this. I would call him and he would get an attitude with me, saying crap like I was ugly and he'd quickly get me off the phone.So I said, I don't have to take this mess from him so I stopped calling him.

 

A week passed and here he comes calling me out of the blue apologizing for his behavior. I was angry with him and I told him that I wanted nothing to do with him, & that I was confused as to why a friend would do someone he cares about this way. All he could do was say that he was terribly sorry. I still wasn't hearing it, he started crying and he said please don't leave, I love you.I heard him say those three words and he threw me over for a loop. It sorta made me sink because I already have feelings for him. Then again I'm confused because I don't know if he's sincere or not, when we're together he acts like he wants me more than a friend. He was like I'll give you time to chill out alright.. stop acting crazy alright? He then told me that he had to go and he'll call me later on tonight like he normally did before that night we spent together.I gave in and I was like sure.

 

Time passes and we're not going anywhere, I told him how I felt about him & yet we're not going anywhere, as far as being in an exclusive relationship so I'm getting tired. He acts like he has feelings for me yet he doesn't want a relationship with me, I don't get it? .So one night I call him and he's chilling with some other girl. He was like I'll call you later, I'm about to handle some business with some chick I met at the club. That hurted me terribly, I didn't let him know it, I said well go handle your business then. I can't be mad at him because we're not in a relationship but now I'm thinking, how could he care about me if he's willing to sleep with some random chick he met at the club? That sorta p*ssed me off and I got disgusted with him at the same time. What kind of man have one night stands like that?

 

So I stopped calling him again and this time, weeks pass. I actually started talking to another guy that was cool but I'm not really feeling him like my 1st crush. We'll just call this guy crush #2.So out of the blue, crush #1 calls and he's like he's mad at me. I'm like why? He then says that I hurt him, that I can't call a friend anymore that I ended up being a stranger. I then made a sly remark and I said, well I didn't want to disturb you while you're handling your business. He laughs and he tells me to shut up. So I started telling him about crush #2 and he seems to get very jealous. He starts asking me a whole bunch of questions like, how serious are we?What does he look like. I started going on about how much of a nice guy crush#2 is and he starts smacking his teeth, he then says he gotta go and he hangs the phone in my face I laughed because it's funny. He calls back apologizing and says that he was out of line again. As time passes crush#1 ,makes all of these little comments saying that I always have time for crush#2 but never anytime for him anymore. I told him that I can't wait forever for someone to make up their mind about what they want, I have to move on. He seemed very upset and he told me he had to go again. I haven't talked to him in awhile and I miss him.

 

I don't know about crush#1 really.. I really want to be with him more than crush#2. But he never addresses a relationship, I don't know if he's scared of commitment or what? I'm confused about if he's really sincere in his feelings or not because he did want a FWB type deal with me. What is everyone else's take on this?

 

By the way I'm new here, I hope I didn't bore you guys with my long story! But I'm confused as to what I want and what he's after...

[crazy300]

Ok according to me, thats loud and clear. Crush # 1 is no good for you.

He taking you for a ride.

Know it hurts to hear it, and I know you dont want to accept it...but honestly speaking, do you deserve a guy who does that to you? really??

 

I really think hes playing games with you, using you and is up for no good.

If he was genuinely interested, he would have asked you out, and you would have been in a relationship with him by now.

 

Let him go. Its tough, but yeah you'll find someone better!!!! I promise.

[mademoiselle]

How old are you? Because if you're 20+, he might be playing you, but if younger, he might just be confused. Then again, he seems to have had lots of experience with girls, so me might still be playing you. I don't know tbh but either way, you deserve better. Move on and don't wait for him. Good luck!

[HotCoko]

How old are you? Because if you're 20+, he might be playing you, but if younger, he might just be confused. Then again, he seems to have had lots of experience with girls, so me might still be playing you. I don't know tbh but either way, you deserve better. Move on and don't wait for him. Good luck!

 

I'm 21 & he's 22. I don't know I'm confused, he seems really sincere in his feelings for me. I mean if he was playing me, why would he pretend to be jealous if I started talking to someone else? It wouldn't really phase him.But I have grown seriously tired of this guy yet I still want to hold onto him. He's a really interesting guy & he's the only guy that can make me laugh, have long conversations with. He's the only one I feel a connection with. Every other guy is just so blah to me. Why doesn't he want a relationship with me if he obviously have feelings for me. Then again maybe he doesn't.. He wouldn't sleep with other people if he truly cared. I don't get it. I think he may be playing me, I'm just too stupid to realize it.

[Batya33]

He's not playing you in the least. You agreed to hang out and hook up with him - and spoke to him for months on end without him asking you out on a proper date - the only proposition he made was to be sex partners. You made yourself available to him to chat endlessly on the phone, hang out and hook up without him having to lift a finger to make a date with you so this is not confusing in the least. He is treating you consistently with how you treat yourself- like a woman who feels she deserves only to hang out and hook up with some guy who doesn't want to date her or be in a relationship with her. The only reason you think you're confused is that you're realizing in hindsight that it feels a little crappy just to be his hang out/hook up pal and phone pal so rather than make a choice to treat yourself better you are turning it on him and claiming he is confusing you.

 

For me, I don't have time to chat endlessly on the phone with some guy who can't be bothered to step up to the plate and ask me out on a proper date he plans in advance - maybe we have two or three phone conversations but if he wants the pleasure of my company then he needs to ask me out. If he doesn't he's not a bad guy he's just a guy who's not that into me and that's cool. I don't have time to waste hanging out and hooking up - and maybe I'm a little spoiled because in my experience men who are sincerely interested love nothing more than to call me in advance and ask if I will please go out with them on Saturday night - whether it's to go to a free museum, to go to dinner, to the theater or some combination of the two.

 

Then, after 5 or 6 dates like that - or around the two month mark, perhaps he will bring up being exclusive and perhaps we will start dating regularly where we both put in effort to make plans (of course I put in effort from the beginning but I find it works best for the man to let him do more of the planning and initiating in the beginning. And perhaps some of those later dates will be renting a movie and making dinner at home but that is when we are a couple and when he is more than happy to have me as his girlfriend.

 

So, figure out what you're worth (it doesn't have to mirror what I said I am worth, that was just an example) and I would stop blaming this guy for "playing" you or "confusing you" and instead do the more challenging thing - look at your choices and how you treat yourself.

 

Just because he is jealous it doesn't mean he has feelings for you - he might simply be selfish and want to make sure you continue to be available to hang out and hook up. And, not everyone who has feelings for you will want a relationship with you -- and your behavior has shown him that you are cool with hanging out and hooking up so why should he tie himself down with you?

[RayKay]

I'm 21 & he's 22. I don't know I'm confused, he seems really sincere in his feelings for me. I mean if he was playing me, why would he pretend to be jealous if I started talking to someone else? It wouldn't really phase him.But I have grown seriously tired of this guy yet I still want to hold onto him. He's a really interesting guy & he's the only guy that can make me laugh, have long conversations with. He's the only one I feel a connection with. Every other guy is just so blah to me. Why doesn't he want a relationship with me if he obviously have feelings for me. Then again maybe he doesn't.. He wouldn't sleep with other people if he truly cared. I don't get it. I think he may be playing me, I'm just too stupid to realize it.

 

Just because he does not want someone else to have you; does not mean he wants to have you. He likes the attention; it is an ego thing for him.

 

Seriously honey, you did the right thing by telling him enough and not talking to him anymore, I suggest you do that again. He has told you he does not want a relationship with you; believe it, and move on.

[HotCoko]

Ok I see where you're coming from, it's not really that he's playing me.I'll just say that I'm confused honestly. In a way I feel like he is playing a game, everytime I try to break away,he comes back being all sweet & I fall for it everytime!I try to limit myself to him but he's really hard to break from, his charm and charisma is really addictive to me. That's the problem, I put up with just being friends because I think I'm addicted to just being around him.He really is a fun person to be around. I never met anyone like that. It's obvious I should move on or at least stay friends with the guy. My intentions at first was to just be friends and in a way, I'm still cool with that. However I let my feelings come into play and it messed with me BIG TIME. I really wasn't into him at first and just hanging out was the cool thing to do, I think my problem was that I was hoping that it would blossom into more by just hanging out with him which was a mistake from the get go.So your right I really can't be mad at him. I'll just have to move on because obviously, I'm not relationship material for him.

[Batya33]

He's not playing a game. He never said he wanted to date you and he never said he wanted a relationship with you and thereforeeee, you are overanalyzing his actions and trying to determine - despite what he said clearly, many times, whether he really does want a relationship. That is a game that you play with yourself. Usually I say to watch actions not words except when a person says from the beginning "I don't want a relationship" listen to that. And I know of no examples where a "nice guy" would ever (!) want to risk offending a lady he wanted to date by asking her to be sex buddies. A man who asks you to be his sex buddy very likely does not want a relationship with you.

 

Please do not take it the wrong way that he doesn't want a relationship with you. What I would suggest for next time is to be relationship material, act like relationship material - no more getting attached to someone unless he is asking you out on proper dates and has intentions of dating you with the potential for a serious relationship. Unless you just want a fling - I mean, truly want, not just settling for.

 

It's also time to get new friends and interests because my guess is you are addicted to him because you are bored.

[HotCoko]

Just because he does not want someone else to have you; does not mean he wants to have you. He likes the attention; it is an ego thing for him.

 

Seriously honey, you did the right thing by telling him enough and not talking to him anymore, I suggest you do that again. He has told you he does not want a relationship with you; believe it, and move on.

 

Wow I didn't even think of it like that! It's amazing how other people can read & see into something you're totally blinded by. Maybe it was an ego thing for him, maybe I wanted to believe he had feelings for me. I feel like a fool right now. I'll have to move on, it won't be easy but I have to. Meaning no contact at all. Sigh.. Back to square 1 again.. . It's just so hard to find the right guy that actually wants a relationship, having a crush sucks..

 

Also Batya33, I agree.. he didn't play me I really played myself in a way.Time to refocus my energies in more IMPORTANT things than some guy.. you're so right!