ealmdm Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 My fiance and I have been together for five years now, and we are supposed to get married next month. Honestly, though, I'm a little worried that we will just end up unhappy and divorced only a few years down the road. It seems we've gotten into this horrible pattern of him ignoring me and me retaliating for him making me feel unloved by attacking him. I don't mean to, but I feel so ignored sometimes. He spends 90% of his time at work ... I do understand that he can't help this ... but when he has a free afternoon, he spends the entire time playing games or visiting with his brother. I understand that he needs to do other things besides spending time with me, but I feel like he NEVER wants to be with me anymore. He says that he loves me, he won't leave me ... I've even tried to make him ... and he thinks that if we get married everything will be ok. I guess I just need an unbiased opinion ... Link to comment
NKP Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Talk to him befor you get married, yous both need to make sure this is what you still want Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 welcome to enotalone. put the wedding on hold, right now! I don't think these are normal "cold feet." it sounds like you two have some serious issues you should work through before geting married. Go to counseling together, and then decide if you still want to get married. you shouldn't get married just because you have booked the caterer and the wedding hall. Link to comment
willow2900 Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 you shouldn't get married just because you have booked the caterer and the wedding hall. I agree. Is the rest of your life and your happiness worth a few thousand dollars?? Link to comment
ealmdm Posted March 23, 2007 Author Share Posted March 23, 2007 I know that I love him and that I want to marry him ... I just wonder about him ... we talk and talk, and he always reassures me that he wants nothing more than to marry me. I guess, he just doesn't understand how lonely I am sometimes ... or doesn't care Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 I think you two should fix things before you get married. Have you two had any pre-marital counseling? Link to comment
ealmdm Posted March 23, 2007 Author Share Posted March 23, 2007 No ... I think we probably should, though. I guess we have major communication issues Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 If its happening now, it will happen after the rings and vows. He may change for a little while, but from the sounds of things you are not top of his list. You should sit down and tell him, its either more attention to you or you will not get married and you might even leave him. Marriage is a big step, but it is no way a relationship fixers or a magic cleanser of all the past issues. Everything you have you bring with you. Link to comment
ealmdm Posted March 23, 2007 Author Share Posted March 23, 2007 Maybe I will try taking a break ... Maybe he won't take me for granted so much if he remembers what it is like to live without me ... Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 I don't know if taking a "break" in the relationship is the best way to go. Maybe just put the wedding on hold while you two get some premarital counseling. And if that doesn't work, then go on a relationship break. Link to comment
ealmdm Posted March 23, 2007 Author Share Posted March 23, 2007 You don't think it would help him appreciate me? Of course, I guess even if he did realize how much he would miss me, it wouldn't help us understand why we do and say the things that we do to each other would it? So yes, I think we will try counseling, and if he won't I am definitely taking a break. Thanks for the advice. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Well, I am just thinking, don't take 2 steps back from the relationship, just one step at a time. Tell him straight out, that you love him, but want to make sure that your issues are ironed out before you walk down the aisle. I think that's fair. And if he isn't being cooperative, then take the break. Just take one step back at a time. Link to comment
ealmdm Posted March 23, 2007 Author Share Posted March 23, 2007 I think you're right I just wish that I could explain how I feel to him in a way that he would understand better ... I guess that's where the counselor comes in, though Link to comment
Scout Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Maybe I will try taking a break ... Maybe he won't take me for granted so much if he remembers what it is like to live without me ... I don't think that's a good pattern to start, although I can understand why you feel tempted to give it a try. At least try counseling first, and give it a good honest try. It can take several months to make noticeable progress, although often much less that time, too. Link to comment
mxfun Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 I agree that you should put the wedding on hold until you can get some therapy together. Every single issue you have now will still be there after you get married. As far as a relationship break; it could make him realize he misses you, but things will come back full circle again very quickly. I wouldn't advise it. Good luck to you. Link to comment
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