GQstatus Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 This is going to be long, and I apologize, but I REALLY REALLY REALLY need some advice please. A little background... I grew up in a nice middle class neighborhood. Got just about everything I wanted. Excelled in sports from a very young age. My parents were high school sweet hearts, and did a great job raising me and my older brother. From the outside looking in we were the "perfect family". I was always a little mommas boy, but always craved my dads attention from a very young age. He taught me ball, and taught me how to skate (hockey). I remember as a child I always wanted to spend time with him. He worked out of town quite a bit, and any chance I got I wanted to play sports with him. Well, around age 12 or so, I started to "rebel". Started hanging out with kids from "the other side of the tracks", tried smoking, pot, etc. I wasn't really bad until about 14-15 though. For some reason around that age (14-15) I knew eventually my parents would divorce. I couldn't really put my finger on why, I just knew. They never fought in front of me and my brother, and for the most part we still had that nice household. This is when I really started getting in trouble. Got my first minor consumption at 14, was stealing, breaking into cars, just being an idiot pretty much. The local cops knew me well from sports, and knew my family very well also (have a big extended family). They would always call home instead of bringing me in, and it was always my mom having to come get me, discipline me etc. I lettered and played varsity hockey starting in 8th grade, by 10th I was kicked off the team for poor academics. That is the same time my dad kind of just started ignoring me, and it was obvious I was a failure in his eyes. My mother, god bless her sweet little soul, did everything she could to try and straighten me out. It got to the point when the cops called, she told them to just bring me to juvy. She'd cry, and sob begging for me to just tell her what was wrong, and got sick of watching me throw my life away. So I spent a couple weeks in juvy, and treatment on a couple occasions. During all of this, my dad was laid off from his sales job he had for 20+ years, and it was my moms perfect chance to finally move to the west coast like she always wanted to (we grew up in the midwest). So by age 16, my parents were off to the west coast, along with my brother. I didn't want to leave the midwest, and during the time my parents couldn't control me anyway. I went to live with a friend of the family. About 3 months after we all parted ways with eachother, I got that phone call. Both of my parents were on the phone, and I already knew what I was about to hear. I hung up the phone, actually threw it accross the room, and continued messing up my life. I called my mom the next day and said if they were getting divorced I wanted to move out to the west coast with her. She explained she couldn't handle me, and my father was moving back to the midwest to take care of me. I'd never hurt so much in my life. And a week later, walking down the street to school with a buddy, I see a green car pull up on the boulevard. I look over and see my dad, and wasn't even excited to see him. I gave him a hug, and felt cold, and angry. He got us a 2 bedroom apt, and immediately got a job with UPS until he could find something more stable, to take care of us. I spent 90% of my time with my gf, and HATED being home alone with him. I saw the hurt all over his face from the "seperation" at the time, and felt no remorse for him. We didn't say more than 2 words a day to each other for the next year. They ended up finalizing the divorce 4 months later, that's what my mom wanted...my dad wanted to try and make things work, but her mind was already made up. They still remained on good terms, and talked every couple days. For the next 2 years I flew out to visit my mom twice a year. We slowly rebuild our relationship, and became extremely close like we once were. During this time I also started to turn my life around. I quit hanging out with my old crew, quit doing drugs, and started to get more serious about getting my diploma. I don't remember the exact moment, or time that my dad and I started to get close again, but it happened. We started doing things together, bbqing, golfing, going to my families cabin etc. We started laughing and joking like we used to, and by 19-20 years of age, my dad became, and still is my best friend. If it wasn't for my parents divorce, I honestly think I would of never had a decent relationship with my dad, and I can't be more happy with it now. 2 years ago at 21, I decided I needed change in my life. I was working full time making good money, but I felt empty. I decided to pack my things into my car, and move out west with my mom until I found a place out there. I've seen my dad cry three times in my life. Once when my gpa died, then when my gma died, and the day I drove away. It was one of the hardest days of my life. All my friends came over to see me off, and we were all standing outside taking pictures. I planned on saying my goodbyes to my friends first, and my dad last. But my dad quicky came up to me, hugged me tighter than I've ever been hugged in my life, and cried. We hugged for a good 2 minutes, both crying, and by this time all my chick friends that were there were all bawling. He told me he loved me, and said he couldn't watch me drive away. The last two years have made me who I am. I feel in love with the west coast, met a whole bunch of cool people, and found a place to call "home". I called my dad at least once a week, and he seemed to be doing good. He's dated here and there, but nothing too serious. This brings me to now. I came back to visit over New Years (my dad), and some stuff happened back west where I got kind of stuck here (another long story lol). So I've been here for the past 2 months, applying for places back out west, and will be moving back within the next month or so. Since I've been back, I've noticed my dad's not the same. I know he's depressed, severely depressed at that. He tries to play it off, but I KNOW something is terribly wrong. If I ask him, he blows it off and acts like everything is fine. I talked to a couple of my aunts (his sisters) and they've noticed the same thing. They tried talking to him, but he won't budge. I know losing my mom was the worst thing that has ever happened to him. And after almost 8 years I think he's still broken. He's a good looking guy, has a great job, his own place, a motorcycle, plays golf religiously, absolutely the funniest man you'll ever meet, great personality etc...but he's dying inside and I don't know what to say or do to just get him to talk to me. He's always been like this, and it's one of the reasons my mom couldn't do it anymore. He's EXTREMELY prideful and stubborn, and deals with everything by not dealing with anything at all. He keeps it all in. Depression runs in my family...his sister is manic, my brother was just diagnosed with bi-polar a few years ago. His family deals with pain with drinking. I wouldn't say he's an alcoholic, sometimes he drinks more than others. Lately, he hasn't been drinking that much. I just know I'll be gone soon, and I want to feel ok leaving not worrying about him. A very good friend of mine lost her father a month ago suddenly, and I can't imagine losing mine. I'm taking the time I do have here to spend with him like old times, but he seems so damn sad all the time. I'll ask him if he wants to go golfing, or go have a drink, he doesn't want to do anything. He has a couple good friends from work, who he bowls with, and golfs with (leagues) once a week, but that's it. He talks with one woman in-particular online daily. And has talked to this same woman for a year or two from another state. They send eachother gifts and stuff, but they've never met. I asked him once "Why don't you guys just meet, you talk all the time" he says "What for? she's in another state"..OK, so WHY ARE YOU SENDING EACHOTHER STUFF? He could EASILY find a woman in his area to date, his buddies try hooking him up but he never follows through. It just bothers me, and kills me inside to see him like this. ITS NOT HIM! I want to see him happy. I just don't know how to approach the subject with him. Should I just be straight forward, and be like "Look I know something is wrong, and I want to know what it is". I don't want to make him feel cornered, but this is bs. My mom is also worried, she tried talking to him, but nothing. And she keeps telling me "You are the closest to him, talk to him, make him talk". I don't know how. If anyone has any advice or opinions on how to go about it, please let me know, it will be GREATLY appreciated. Link to comment
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