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Hi all!


OK! so my sister ISNT suicidal... but she might as well be because she's KILLING her potential to be great!


My sister and i have a HUGE age gap and she is younger than i am... she is in her teens (14) and at that age where stubborness is a way of life :s


My problem is that in her group of friends she is the most popular, her friends are very sweet but not productive, so she sees herself as an achiever no matter what she does... thereforeeee she does VERY LITTLE in school! (she is good in her studies... its the extra curric. stuff im talking about) She's so talented in the playing hte violin and has given up on it claiming she's had enough! my paretns and i have NEVER pushed her... but now we feel that she's straying away into doing nothing for herself when she has SO MUCH potential! She was invited to join the orchestra and she didnt even tell my parents until her teacher called us up.


I'm worried about her. When i was her age i LOVED being active in school! my sister has BRILLIANT talents and we encourage her all the time... but she NEVER gets inspired and would rahter "hang out" with her friends!


How do u inspire a girl like that? without making her let go of her friends?

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Maybe she just dind't enjoyed it, and that is why she is not interested anymore.


"How do u inspire a girl like that?"



Why don't you help her find something else she is talented for and most important, that she also likes? Don't try to lead her in the direction you think would be appropiate (or you'll see how she resents it and gets away from you), help her find her own path, and encourage her on that path.

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She loves computer stuff! and we ALWAYS encourage her to do them... but she wavering away from that too! We do try to encourage ANYTHING she shows interest in... and my parents have exposed her to EVERYHTING!! from dancing to drawing to cooking to sewing, to EVERYTHING that a parent could expose her to! she LOVES reading books ONLY when there is a reward available (thats how i got her to read her first novel - 1 chocolate per chapter she read)


She doesnt seem to show interest in anyhting! All she does now is watch TV, and talk to her friends (as soon as hse gets back from school - shes on the phone)


I am worried about her... my parents want me to talk to her, because ive been there and done that... but i ALWAYS had some interest in extra stuff.


I think my father will be taking away the TV priviledge from her today because of the whol orchestra situation...

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I think my father will be taking away the TV priviledge from her today because of the whol orchestra situation...



And you said you're not pressuring her into anything? Maybe we have a different concept of pressuring someone into doing something.


Also, let me guess, by "exposing her to dancing, drawing, cooking, etc" You mean that she was forced to go to dancing classes, cooking classes, etc? My mother did that, and I hated them, not because of the activity, but because I wasn't allowed to choose.


By the way, I can totally see the actual picture being way different from what you've told us here. From the reaction of your parents (taking away the TV privilege) to the title of your post, it does look to me that this girl has been pressured, in different ways, into participating in activities she is not interested in.


"Suicidal sister" don't you think that is a little bit of exageration. What about the TV privilege thing, if she wasn't forced to play the violin, why is she being punished for not doing it?

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I am worried about her... my parents want me to talk to her, because ive been there and done that... but i ALWAYS had some interest in extra stuff.

but this isnt about you, and if anyone compares her to you she will be hurt, annoyed, feel like she isnt good enough and resent YOU and your parents.

I think my father will be taking away the TV priviledge from her today because of the whol orchestra situation...

Why? becuase she doesnt want to do something that they want her to do?

thats just nasty.

She is going to really hate you guys for that... itll be the kind of thing she will bring up in ten years time and tell all of you how hurt she was and how unfair it is... and she'll be right.

My parents did that kind of thing to me and it just made me worse, I completely shut them out of my life.


think about it, shes FOURTEEN, hormones, boys, social dilemmas... just let her grow a little, ok? However she feels fit.

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I can see this only ending bad for all parties involved. I was brought up like this, always being compared to my brother he was always in the Beta club in school, had after school activities and what did I do? None of that so my parents always pushed and ridiculed me for it and you know what I have hard feelings towards all three, my parents and my brother to this day and it still hurts being compared. Let your sister do her own thing and unless she's getting into trouble leave her alone! It's not your place to do anything about her or force her into any activities that she isn't interested in just because you were into all that stuff. As for your father taking her tv away because she didn't like something that he wanted her too, that's only going to hurt him in the long run when she turns 18 and moves away and wants nothing to do with any of y'all... and yes, this is very possible and likely to happen if you all keep this up pressuring her

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Hi all... thanks for all the replies!


I think i may have phrased something wrong....


My paretns NEVER compare me and my sister because im TOTALLY different than her... i was rebelious, she isnt! at all!! I'm a science sort of person and she's a creativity kind of person... so we're as different as day and night! but still best friends


My father isnt punishing her per say. he's just limiting the "nonsense" shows that we watch at home which isnt relevant to her!


All the things she was exposed to were things she approahed my parents and asked them to send her to them... ALL of them!


She has a good head on her shoulders i KNOW she wont get into trouble... with my sister thats a given... unlike me she just lets her friends influence all that she is capable of... the violin thing is the one example... she would even try to skip school if she finds out her best friends arent coming to school. THATS why im worried... shes leting her friends run her life! and i dont want that to happen to her...


all the stuff she's into is TOTALLY differnet to what i was into! she used to undertake projects and film editing before all this and now she's losing interest...

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