tough night

[macgyver4ever]

Those are some good goals to set for yourself.

 

You are much stronger than I am. I would be crying my eyes out. Especially that this came from no where, this has to be hard. I saw mine coming from a mile away. I knew she had feeling for a coworker, and knew she was hiding the fact that she was seeing him. I tried everything to make it work, but it wasn't enough.

 

Realize it's not your fault. Whatever they may tell you, they are excuses for them to get away with it. My ex had all kinds of reasons for why she did it, but none of them were any good. I didn't compliment her FAST ENOUGH? I don't laugh hard enough at your jokes? Come on? Are you 11?

 

My ex had a pattern of cheating as well, but denied it again with loophole excuses. I thought she had changed, and was an incredible partner for 3 years. Then she cheated, never forgave herself (although I did) and did it again because once is never enough.

 

Cheating is selfish. You don't need it in your life.

[broken7]

I hope that things have gotten easier for you. What kept you sane enough not to try and contact her? Thats what Im scared of, Im scared of having a weak moment and texting him. I dont want to do that, I dont want to be weak. I know if I contact him he will have justice knowing im still here.

 

Your right I would have never thought he would have done this to me, but I should have seen it coming. His past with women is horrible, hes never been faithful, and I clearly couldn't change that. He also tried at first to blame me, asking why I had texted him so many times today. Trying to make texting on the same level as cheating...he was grasping. I was surprised that I stayed strong, and said "I dont ever want to talk to you again."

 

Im doing the whole NC thing, one day at a time...I will just have to run away from my phone if I fall to a weak moment.

[macgyver4ever]

I turned off my phone, and when I need to talk to someone I called my parents or a friend.

A relationship is a habit. You might need to fill it's place with friends and family until you are able to make it on your own. Without my family and friends I would be a wreck. I'm still not good because I had to talk to my ex last week. I was happy and upbeat, acting like all was rainbows and butterflies, but it still kills me. To know the person you love the most could hurt and disrespect you in such a way is the worst thing in the world.

 

Start keeping a journal. Write down what you would want to say to them. Try to sort out your emotions. Coming to this site has helped as well. Researching why people cheat also aided me in seeing what an immature, cowardly little girl my ex was.

 

Start working out. It clears your head and makes you more confident and attractive. It's worked well for me.

[broken7]

I will for sure take your advice...im so confused right now, but new I had to get away. Im one that will let my mind start playing games, I will be good, but then something will make me think of him and there I am upset and wanting to know why hes caused me this pain. Im definetely going to keep coming back to the board, it helps to see people who have been through this.

 

I just dont get why people cheat, why not just end it, then go for the other person. Why cause the person who has been there for you for so long, so much pain.

 

What sucks worse then the cheating, is the way he acted on the phone. He said it would hurt not to talk to me, but how, and why...hes got this new girl in his house tonight. He cant be hurting to bad.

[EvaGina]

 

The thing is, you KNOW you will get over it...

 

My ex cheated on me, in front of my face, he did a whole lot worse to me as well, and when I saw him a few weeks back, with the mother of his child (who he cheated on me with, got pregnant when she was 16 and then cheated on her) all I felt was sorry for her

 

I was pathetic, not tough like you So You will do fine

I hope you stick around and get to know our little community

[broken7]

So here I am on day one at 5pm. Ive stayed strong, not texting or calling, no breaking. I cant and I wont..Ive had my ups and downs today, just thinking of this other girl in his life. But I know she wont be someone who will change him, he will cheat on her as well. Thats a situation Im glad to be free of, now its just getting over the habit that he has become!

[texami]

keep it up, broken7!!

 

i've just read your thread, and i'm thinking you're a strong chic! don't dwell on the other girl... as you said, she'll be in your shoes soon enough.

 

best of luck.

[EvaGina]

So here I am on day one at 5pm. Ive stayed strong, not texting or calling, no breaking. I cant and I wont..Ive had my ups and downs today, just thinking of this other girl in his life. But I know she wont be someone who will change him, he will cheat on her as well. Thats a situation Im glad to be free of, now its just getting over the habit that he has become!

 

 

hello again sweetheart

I am so proud of you!!

Good to hear you are so sensible about the whole thing, but not repressing your hurt

[broken7]

Ok so here it is 10:30, and I have not called or texted him. Although he did text me...he sent me a text saying "Are you infront of a computer." Something random, but he would always ask me to check things for him if he wasnt able to get to a computer. Why would he ask me, why not ask his new girl, or another friend? I was clear last night that I never wanted to talk again.

[EvaGina]

Ok so here it is 10:30, and I have not called or texted him. Although he did text me...he sent me a text saying "Are you infront of a computer." Something random, but he would always ask me to check things for him if he wasnt able to get to a computer. Why would he ask me, why not ask his new girl, or another friend? I was clear last night that I never wanted to talk again.

 

he might have wanted to im you?

but it DOESNT MATTER, becuase you're doing so well!!!

 

ha, hes going to get hte shock of his life when he realises that you ARENT going to talk to him again, that this istn just a game!!

 

good on ya!!:scatter:

[sydny]

Hang in there, broken7!!

 

Habits can be very hard to break, even if they are hurting you............

..but you deserve better! A notorious cheater is a notorious cheater, and not worth wasting your time and energy on.....even tho' it can be hard to get started on the new path!

 

It sounds like you're doing OK - good on ya, girl!!

 

Stay strong!

[Clanger]

GO GIRL

 

Hold on there, you are doin sooo well

 

At the end of the day you are better off shot of him, but as everyone says its a new routinue that takes a while to get used to

 

Do something to make yourself good, go shopping, have a girly treat, have your hair done.. its a good way to pep yourself up and make you realise you dont NEED a looser like that

 

When i was 17-18 i was with a really controlling guy for 1 1/2 years (not violent at all just liked to know what i was up to 24-7)

I made that decision to get out of there and he wouldnt leave me alone.. flowers every day.. cards, calls jewellery etcc

Istuck firm cos i knew i was in the right place.. even tho it ment being alone.

The most satisfying thing for me was at the time i had very long hair, that i allways wanted cropped short and hed allways say i dont want you to get it cut.. the week after we broke up i treated myself to a new hairdo.. sounds silly but it really sealed the break for me and made me feel fresh and ready to stick a big 2 fingers up to him and move on with things

 

Sorry for the waffle you stick in there.. it will be ok, and you WILL find someone who will treat you better than that!

 

Take Care

Cx

[rosie76]

You have my sympathy for going through something so rotten and my respect for doing it with so much dignity. Best of luck staying strong with this. If it helps at all, remember the person you will be missing so painfully is NOT the person he is. You didn't fall in love with someone who would cheat on you. Mourn the loss of the relationship but remember that he himself, at this point, deserves nothing from you but your disdain.

 

Good luck.

[broken7]

So here it is Day 2...Ive stayed strong, haven't talked to him. Never returned the text from yesterday, and didn't hear anything from him today, but I didn't expect to. Ive had rough moments, but over all it hasn't been that bad. I know this wont kill me, it will just hurt for awhile. I honestly think he will be very shocked by the end of the week that I have made no attempt to contact him. It hurt yesterday when I got his text, just bc its like this is all no big deal to him, that he just expects I will be there still.

[EvaGina]

So here it is Day 2...Ive stayed strong, haven't talked to him. Never returned the text from yesterday, and didn't hear anything from him today, but I didn't expect to. Ive had rough moments, but over all it hasn't been that bad. I know this wont kill me, it will just hurt for awhile. I honestly think he will be very shocked by the end of the week that I have made no attempt to contact him. It hurt yesterday when I got his text, just bc its like this is all no big deal to him, that he just expects I will be there still.

 

why should that hurt you? YOU know he is wrong... next week he will be climbing the walls, ego in tatters...

 

You are doing SO WELL

[broken7]

Im really happy ive managed to stick to what i said! That I would never talk to him again! Now im just in the process of getting over him, breaking the habit. Part of me wished he would try to call or text today, but thats just me hoping that he cared, and this last 2 years meant something to him. But then I realize it doesn't matter, why do care about a guy who doesn't care about me. Who would go behind my back, and purposely hurt me like this. Tomorrow is day 3, the longest I have ever gone without talking to him...Im looking forward!

[treefrogkate]

I just found your post (I'm on travel for work so I haven't been here much).

 

Good for you for staying so strong! The only reason he would have to text you is to try to prove to himself that he still matters to you, and giving in to that gives him the power.

 

Stay the course, and good luck! It sounds like you're doing great!

[broken7]

Ok heres the update, i suck lol. I fell in a trap and he made me feel sorry for him, so needless to say i spent everyday with him for the last 2 weeks. Very bad move on my part, b/c it just got me reattached and broke everything I had worked so hard for in the days of NC. Well today we go to lunch, and I bring up "us" and if he thinks we should try to fix whatever is left, try to make things right. Rebuild trust, and so on. He goes on to say how he enjoys not having a girl in his life, the drama, everything that goes with it. I said then why have you hung out with me for the last 2 weeks, and made me think we were repairing this. He said you and I get a long, and have good sex. I was so disgusted, I picked up my trash threw it away and walked to the car. He followed, he got in the car, and went on to ask "If we are working on us does that mean no girls can stay over at my house?" I was so disgusted, how could I have ever loved this man. I pulled up in his driveway, and said "I dont ever want to speak to you again, please respect that this time and dont call." So here I am back at Day 1, if I would have just stayed strong the last time, Id be closing in on weeks of NC. Well its better late then never, heres to Day 1.

[lostinwilderness]

Broken,

 

I am sorry that you had to find out again just what an A**hole this guy is. Don't beat yourself up to much for going back to him. It is easy to look at it logically and know that you could not have expected anything different from him after he has shown this patern. However, it is a lot harder to do.

 

I hope that you will look at this time as a leason learned. He has made his values very clear. You now know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if you go back you would never be more than a F*** buddy to him. That surely does not make you feel any better, but maybe it can make the choice to make (and keep) a clean break a little easier.

 

Keep your head up and enjoy days 1 through infinity on a better road!

[treefrogkate]

OUCH. I'm so sorry, that is horrible.

 

At least you were able to see his true colors. "If we are working on us does that mean no girls can stay over at my house?" Are you kidding?!? I'm sorry I laughed (it's probably not funny to you now, but I hope it will be in the future). Who asks that?!?

 

Good luck, and we're here for you if you need us.

[broken7]

Thanks guys! Treefrog trust me I was in shock when he said it, hes so not the man i fell in love with. My thought now is out of sight out of mind..Ive now learned it easier to not talk to him, and slowly move on, then to be apart of his life, and how he uses me as just another girl on his list. Its been tough, but Im staying strong, I have to, this man is just pure evil. Its time he sees what life is like without me there. He will go through a million girls, thats just him, he has to have someone always there. He could be married and still it not be enough, clearly, two ex wives, two divorces b/c he cheated on both of them. Im better off to run in the other direction! Im just mad at myself that it took me 2 1/2 years to realize the man he really was, or the man hes always been. Well atleast Im still young, and have my whole life ahead of me to start over.

[treefrogkate]

You're exactly right, you've got plenty of time to find a guy who's going to be completely smitten with you, and only you!

 

And I know how it feels to have "wasted" your time... I was with my ex-husband for a grand total of 6 years, and felt like that time was wasted. But honestly, I learned a lot about myself in that time, what I will and will not tolerate in a relationship, and what I want out of not only a relationship, but life. Trust me, once you're over the hurt of this relationship, you'll discover just how much you've learned from it.

[broken7]

Im for sure in the hurting stage, I havent talked to him, hes texted me twice today, but with random things, nothing important. It hurts to know this guy that I gave so much to, and loved so much, could just pick and and be with other girls. Hold me one night, and then turn around and hold another girl the same way. Makes my stomach turn, but Im glad I found out now. Its just time to stop thinking about him, and start thinking about myself. I feel like its time to be selfish and do things that make me happy. My stomach hurts, and im really sad right now, but Im holding strong, just trying to make it through another day.

[broken7]

tough situation, just trying to stay strong and make it through. So I haven't talked to my ex, but he knew Id be in his area today, we have mutual friends. My roommate and I have to drive to his street where the guy my roommate is dating lives. We have to pick him up, because we are all going camping tonight. Anyway my ex texts me and writes "She stopped by on her way to visit her mom, just giving you a heads up." She = girl he cheated on me with, he texted that b/c he knew Id have to go by his house and her car would be there. This sucks, I just texted back "Cool enjoy." Now my stomach is killing me...just trying to be strong and not show weakness.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

don't worry about showing weakness... your feelings are your own, and everybody hurts when they discover they have been involved with someone who lies and cheats. but do stay strong and DON'T contact him or respond to his texts because he is obviously still dating other people and has no intention of being faithful to anybody.

 

you really should block his number and texts to not be reminded about him. really, he obviously has a long history of cheating and lying to women. his little text today was a pre-emptive LIE in advance to cover for the fact that he has a woman over and knows you will see it. he obviously thinks if he wears you down you will eventually hook up with him again, but what will you get if you do that? more lies and feeling bad about yourself, because he obviously wants to have multiple women and doesn't appear to regret hurting you either.

 

so do yourself a favor and block him on your phone and email. also, explain your situation to your mutual friends, and ask them to please not talk about him to you, or about you to him, since you have broken up and you don't want to hear more about him because just want to get over it.