sydny
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Posts
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The deal with staying is that there is no more deceit, behind-the-back stuff going on. He's not 'allowed' to see prostitutes and I'm not 'allowed' to see other people - but you can't rule other people's lives.... ..so it's a matter of trust - on both sides......and if he goes on the sly, I don't need to be sh.holmes to catch him(have my reference points) - then he's OUT! We'll see....
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Give up men altogether? No, no - no chance of that happening ...and at the moment I've decided to not give up on my man (yet) either. We are doing some major 'springcleaning' on all levels of our life together, and are tackling the big problems that have come to light first. One,possibly two addictions combined with scars from a childhood that must have been sheer hell at times (particularly compared to mine) have priority here as well as the wellbeing (on all levels) of our kids. It seems we've started off well on this slippery slope - I know there will be slipups and setbacks, but I'm willing - to a certain extent!! - to do this to get us onto a new positive path. Not back where we were - too much has happened - but perhaps a parallel path... It's been some intense weeks - which is why I haven't been posting - but I think so far so good. A lot of you may think I'm a fool for going another round ](*,) - some may wonder why I haven't already walked - but I have reason to believe that by working on it, chances are that the sideprojects will lose their appeal too. The OW already has - she was already demanding and ordering my hubby around as though they'd been married for yonks. VERY bad idea on her part We seem to have come closer through this - time will tell more. I'll keep you posted. Wish me strength and wisdom to do what is best by all - to make the right choices at the right time.
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treefrogkate and locke2121, guess what - he said there's a difference to whether he's the one sleeping around or whether it's me!! if i ask for a divorce, he will say no.... ....but if i put too much pressure on him, he's gone!!! Can someone see the logic in that - i can't!! Locke2121 - if i were sleeping around he would have a major problem, 'cause he doesn't share!! Ain't life grand?!!
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Temptation can strike anywhere, anytime - what counts is how you deal with it, how hard you (want to) 'fight' or resist.............. I think your hubby knows where he wants to be, and by leaving his phone around, he's underlining the fact that she's no longer 'around'.... Sounds like you guys will be OK - give him some space, don't bring it up and things should work out fine! Be there for each other and hang in there!
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Hang in there, broken7!! Habits can be very hard to break, even if they are hurting you............ ..but you deserve better! A notorious cheater is a notorious cheater, and not worth wasting your time and energy on.....even tho' it can be hard to get started on the new path! It sounds like you're doing OK - good on ya, girl!! Stay strong!
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Thanx much for your input - in times when thinking clearly can be difficult, it does good to hear what others think of this mess.... [quote=treefrogkate;1493134 When we get married, we commit to and expect an exclusive relationship with that person, not that person and his 7 hookers.] Somewhere along the line i was told that if i'd made my 'monogamy-claim' earlier, that i'd said that was one of the 'conditions' of marrying we wouldn't be here today...... he would never have agreed to this.....
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Married for a good decade, children, house, a way-above-average sexlife, the perfect couple according to friends, my hubby hit me with a double whammy after christmas. he'd actually been considering an affair with someone from work - and during the discussions on this one, he mentioned he'd been seeing prostitutes. Not often - six maybe seven times since we've been together.Trouble is, five of those times were in the last year!!! It hit me for six - there we were having a great year, and yet he needed to relieve the pressure that was building up!!! He was no longer prepared to live by the rules society was forcing on him, he had behaved himself well for over ten years, his body is his to give to whom he chooses, it' just a man's thing etc etc. I was even told i shouldn't take it personally,it's not my fault, he loves me and can't bear the thought of losing me! And yet when the pressure becomes too much to bear, he needs to go .......!!He tells me not to get so worried and upset, it's not so important, i can't be everything to him and i DO have his kids and house, we share our everydaylife - and that if he's happy and satisfied he can do more and be more for the kids and me!! I just can't help feeling if i'm not good enough on all counts, then maybe its time to look around again!My trust is wobbly, i find it had to believe him, does he REALLY mean it, and i wonder what the hookers can give him that i can't.................. Riding this emotional rollercoaster is wearing me out -and i've got to keep it together for all those who depend on me! It's good to let it all out and to know i'm not alone with this kind of thing!