Paranoid about being dumped again

[pip]

Hi everyone I've been seeing this really nice guy for about 2 months now and things are going really well. The only thing is that I've been burned in the past when I was dumped by someone I was in love with (it messed me up badly & took me ages to get over it) and I've been totally paranoid about being dumped ever since.

 

How can I stop this from getting to me? Just when I feel like I'm falling in love with this new guy, I keep getting scared & freaking out at the thought of getting dumped again (even though the relationship is new and there's nothing at all wrong with us).

 

I find I'm always saying really defensive things to myself, like "Don't get too close to him" or "watch out for the first sign of trouble and quickly end it in order to 'get in first' and dump him before he can dump me". I know that's a bit messed up & paranoid, but I can't help it.

 

Has anyone ever experienced this before? I'm 25 now and I want to be able to have successful relationships and eventually settle down with someone. I'm scared I'll never let myself get close to someone

[musicguy]

I too get paranoid about getting dumped when I'm in a relationship because I'm usually the one getting dumped. Try to just go with the flow of your relationship

[Brooding_Goddess]

I tried reverse psychology - thinking & believing what a great partner I am and that there is no reason for him to flee because he would be missing so much qualities in me. Sometimes I suspect it stems from low self-esteem, and how good we feel about ourselves at the moment the question pops up.

[Northalius]

Well, I've never experienced your feelings personally, but, I'd feel it's best you just come forth and let him know how you feel; either that, or see a counselor.

 

I think it's okay to feel these feelings. It's a defense in your mind, from getting hurt again; however, it can hurt you (your relationship, specifically) also, in the long run, as you might've already known. You'll be closed in from certain feelings that've come naturally to your boyfriend already, and it'll be a one way street relationship. If anything, this might make the relationship fall apart! So, you must make the choice:

 

1) Let go, take a chance, tell him (and a counselor?) how you feel; not let the past rule your present and future?

 

Or...

 

2) Keep holding onto these feelings, eventually ruining this and every other relationship you'll be in for the rest of your life?

 

Your second option is only making the relationship almost 100% positive to break up... just about; eventually, he might be opening up to you, but you're closing up to him, and it's going to create friction.

 

Your first option depends upon how openly you communicate with your boyfriend! How much you're willing to let go of the past, to save the present and future.

 

I'd go with the #1.

[annie24]

well, that's life, and life is all about risks. you won't get dumped if you never date anyone, but love is a risk you take.

[Brooding_Goddess]

I wish some day everyone in this world can have a tool where they take minimal calculated risk when they enter a relationship!

[musicguy]

yeah, that would be nice

[Wandering_Sword]

I wish some day everyone in this world can have a tool where they take minimal calculated risk when they enter a relationship!

 

But where would the mystery and fun be Part of the intrigue is the ability to fall and the greater ability to reap the benefits. I would have no problem going through all this again For love... I would fight a horde of ten thousand by myself or face the dark loneliness.

[annie24]

I think the only thing you can really do is to watch out for warning signs and red flags. If he isn't calling you and asking you out, if he'd rather hang out with his buddies than you, if he only calls you to have sex, all bad signs. Read the book, "he's just not that into you" and if your boyfriend doesn't sound like the guys they warn you about in that book, he's probably ok, so stop worrying

[Orlander]

pip, the things we focus on in life tend to come true. Focusing on the negative only brings more negativity. Instead, focus on the strengths of the relationship with this new guy and try to stay positive about the outcome.

 

Orlander

[elithepi]

pip, the things we focus on in life tend to come true. Focusing on the negative only brings more negativity.

Orlander

 

So true...We tend to make our own worst nightmare come true....