am I better off single. Should I try to lose more weight(Body image issues)

[Motown_romantic]

Ok, It all started when I was 17 years old, recently coming out of the closet and finally realizing that I have finally found a niche being a gay male. Well at the time I came out and was starting to look for guys I was about 315lbs, wearing a size 50 pants and XXXL shirts. It was that summer that I realized and most gay men told me that if I didn't lose the weight, that I was guaranteed to be single. Being 17, vunlnerable and wanting to find someone to call a signifigant other, I felt like I had to lose weight. I would see all my gay friends at the time, all skinny and perfect and I wanted to be like them.

 

4 years later, I have lost a total of 120lbs, I now wear size 34 jeans and a medium shirt. At 6'0 i'm at 195lbs right now. But the problem is I still can't get guys to look at me, well... ok.. they still say no, but they at least think about it. I know guys still think i'm fat even when I lost all of the weight. What makes me even more angry is seeing guys, who don't do anything for their body, don't excercise, or anything but they still have boyfriends.

 

I think it's because Iossibly need to lose anotyher 15 lbs.. but my brother and dad who are both doctors and my cousin who is a personal trainer and my friends tell me that I am getting too skinny.. but gay men aren't saying that...

 

Should I lose more weight or do I need to consider plastic surgrey

any advice will help

[jsx730]

Keep in mind that weight isn't necessarily fat.

 

Have you thought about building a bit of muscle?

 

With a good diet and a solid cardio routine, you should fall right where you need to be, and you can try for a little muscle definition to fill in the gaps.

 

Skinny doesn't necessarily mean attractive.

 

For Example:

 

I'm ~5'9" and 150lbs.

 

I pretty much stay at 150lbs whether I keep my stomach defined or not. 150lbs with a little muscle definition makes me look 15x more attractive then it's current state (girlfriend named my stomach "Bubba" lol!).

 

The easiest thing to do, depending on yoru situation, is to run on a regular basis, eat healthy, and do some situps, pushups, and leg lifts for deinfition.

[answersguy]

JSX hit it on the head. It's not the weight, it's the definition. But it may be something beyond physical appearance. It may have something to do with your overall confidence too. I'm not gay but I know people in generally are alot more attractive when they project happiness and confidence.

[adahy]

Sounds like you're looking more for a "niche" than anything else. Gay men are usually quite accomodating in that regard, so I could see you finding acceptance there. I'm not gay, but the gay friends I have always seem to be searching for 'new recruits'. Anyway, you've done well getting into shape...congrats! Now work on the inner you. Sometimes the harder try to gain acceptance (love, etc.), that harder it is to get. Weird how it works. Be comfortable with who YOU are, create your own "niche", and let people come to you. They will. Neediness and desperation aren't attractive, and people can smell it a mile away. Create an air of superiority around yourself and blow other people off if a situation presents itself. Confidence and strength is attractive, and more people (women and men) will be drawn to it.

[rocio]

Try to find a way to meet more people. It sounds like the gay men you're surrounding yourself with are not the kinds of people you need in your life. Do you really want to be with a guy who wouldn't accept you at 15 lbs heavier?

[Ohso]

It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking "There's something wrong with me". The gay world can be very vain and there's pressure to conform to the accepted norm of what attractive is.

 

Speeking as a gay man I find a bit of weight quite sexy, I'm not talking about rolls of fat but a bit of bulk. It's all down to how a guy carries himself though. I've got a gay friend who's your height but weighs over 200lb but he carries it well thanks to a bit of excercise to tone up the muscle and pull bits into place.

[Erk]

Well, if you are looking to be normal weight yeah you might want to lose that extra 15 pounds. I don't think you are "too skinny" yet, by the calculations on the body mass index calculator.. but yeah, working out might help. [if you are looking to improve your image]

[Ohso]

Just remember to do it for you and not anyone else.