He says he loves me...actions speak louder then words..right?

[annalise23]

hey ,

did you gals ever get this one from your man?........."I hate talking on the phone"

but when he calls and is blowing sunshine up your rear he can talk for hours?

i think whats good for the goose is good for the gander.....although, Im a hunter so whats good for the goose is a good sky blast from the duck blind!

Then ya let the dogs out of the boat to drag said goose out of the water!

 

OKay, okay....so ive had too much coffee..lol

 

Oh yeah. We used to text more than talk as well!!

 

He ruined all the good holidays for me. NYE I ended up being stranded at 8pm with no plans. He was working at his club and i was going with him. But ended up having to spend nye with my parents.

 

Valentines we had a huge row. He came and left a gift i bought him on my driveway. I didnt even get a card.

 

 

Now im getting better! Really helps when i remember these crappy things!!!

 

And i agree imthatgirl. I allowed this to happen. I should have stopped it a long time ago. I just felt I had to help him work through his issues. But I just cant.

[luvmykids]

the one or two times i spoke my mind didnt go well...the first time we took a "brake" because he said that things werent working....the second time he threw my purse at me and told me to leave or he was calling the cops!

both time i was expressing how i felt about the way he treated me..hmmm? cant handle the truth i guess.....he needs to put on his "big boy pants" and get a clue!

[annalise23]

Everytime I spoke to mine about how i felt about the way he was being resulted in a similar way. I got the line 'then why are you with me'

one time i said i dont know but im not anymore! he laughed. Days later we were back together.

 

It is so that they cant handle the truth. I always approached calmly so not to get him on the defense.

 

It was always after we broke up that he would admit he was wrong and had issues.

 

But befor it got that far, he was right, i was wrong to even bring up my feelings. Im not some emotional girl I wasnt always on at him. Just when he did something terrible. Like lie!

[luvmykids]

this is soo helpful...because as i read your stories and see that they are soo much like mine and when i read yours, im thinking ..man what a jerk she was with..then hello, lightbulb! Mine did the same things almost to a tee! Ive been soo busy thinking, what did I do wrong and making excuses for his behavior that I coudlnt see what i was "Feeling"...i should have trusted my gut..I always used too. WOW!!!! ive been a sloppy, rose-colored-glasses fool!

 

good thing that i forgive easily...except this time, im going to forgive myself insted for being such a dummie!

[ghost69]

we should have a section just for annalise, thatgirl, and luv. lol. i checked this thread an hour later and there are like 4 more pages. wow

[luvmykids]

Everytime I spoke to mine about how i felt about the way he was being resulted in a similar way. I got the line 'then why are you with me'

one time i said i dont know but im not anymore! he laughed. Days later we were back together.

 

It is so that they cant handle the truth. I always approached calmly so not to get him on the defense.

 

It was always after we broke up that he would admit he was wrong and had issues.

 

But befor it got that far, he was right, i was wrong to even bring up my feelings. Im not some emotional girl I wasnt always on at him. Just when he did something terrible. Like lie!

OMG! are our men brothers, cousins, the same guy? I heard the exact same thing.."then why are you with me" among others like, I cant give you what you need..but i want you to move in with me and i love you! of course he loves me..he was getting what he wanted and didnt have to work for it....again..waht i fool i WAS!

[annalise23]

Yep I would even blame myself for trying to talk to him. I would think 'man i was being silly. i shouldnt have tried to talk to him about that, it was silly of me.'

 

You can only take so much before you start sinking.

 

The past few weeks i felt i was hitting my head against a brick wall.

 

We really do have similar stories. And when we read each others its like 'what the hell is she doing with him' - so we must be right!!!

 

I always made excuses for his behavior, no money, debt, stress, his life being brought up.

It wouldnt change. And i think part of me felt sorry for him.

[annalise23]

OMG! are our men brothers, cousins, the same guy? I heard the exact same thing.."then why are you with me" among others like, I cant give you what you need..but i want you to move in with me and i love you! of course he loves me..he was getting what he wanted and didnt have to work for it....again..waht i fool i WAS!

 

I got that too!!!! One time he ended it saying 'im not good enough for you, you deserve better. if someone told me this story i would think i was a real jerk'!!!

Then he would come back saying i cant live without you blah blah...

and i believed it!!

 

That 'why are you with me' annoyed me so much!!! What kind of response is that!!](*,) ](*,)

[luvmykids]

we should have a section just for annalise, thatgirl, and luv. lol. i checked this thread an hour later and there are like 4 more pages. wow

 

just supporting each other ghost..we are not lucky enough (yet) to meet someone like you! Our supportive little ghost-man!

but then again...its not about luck..its about being smart with our hearts!

heheheh, I rhyme!

[annalise23]

we should have a section just for annalise, thatgirl, and luv. lol. i checked this thread an hour later and there are like 4 more pages. wow

 

lol!!! It really helps to talk on here though! Especially with how similar we have all had it. And all been in the relationship a simiar amount of time!

[luvmykids]

did ya ever get this line?.......

Im never going to find anyone....im going to be alone forever. I just said..yes you will.....this is one of many time i tried to walk.

I have to be honest..i felt sorry for him even though i KNEW what he was doing by saying that..which was to get me to stay and feel sorry ofr him..which i did..FOOL..FOOL..FOOL.

what i should have said was: well if ya knew how to treat a woman you wouldnt have to say something like that...and theen should have followed up with..that too bad that you cant figure it out because i have and im going to find someone who has it figured out....wow. the things we think of saying AFTER the fact!

[annalise23]

Its like reverse psychology. They talk badly of themselves so we talk them up.

 

I got all kind of lines i have lost count! I felt sorry for him. Its hard to hear the person you love talk about themselves in a bad way. So you defend them and forget that actually, what they are saying is very true!!

 

FOOL FOOL FOOL that is me too!!

 

I went through this 1 and a half month ago. I really wish I hadnt caved. I would be so over him. But this time I am stronger and put up with too much.

[luvmykids]

we are prob'ly going to get kicked out of this forum.....hope not! its turned into a personal support system for us 3..we all 3 know what we need to do and are just here getting each other through it.....

[annalise23]

Yes we need someone else to give us a kick up the *** to remind us of what we have put up with. These talks have certainly helped me, helped me to feel less guilty. I sometimes start thinking its me! its all my fault! But its not. And reading your stories helps me to see that!

 

I just cant wait til the pain goes away when i think about him. Again, I really cant understand why i miss him. When he wasnt a jerk he was lovely. but it was few and far between

[luvmykids]

Its like reverse psychology. They talk badly of themselves so we talk them up.

 

I got all kind of lines i have lost count! I felt sorry for him. Its hard to hear the person you love talk about themselves in a bad way. So you defend them and forget that actually, what they are saying is very true!!

 

FOOL FOOL FOOL that is me too!!

 

I went through this 1 and a half month ago. I really wish I hadnt caved. I would be so over him. But this time I am stronger and put up with too much.

I went through this about 1 1/2 months ago also.....NYE was the issue that time....had me hanging about making any solid plans with me, knowing i had other thing i could be doing and waited for the last minute to blow me off...i just said: fine ill go with my other plans..i did and didnt talk to him for almost 3 weeks..he was calling and chasing me down....getting i the face of a man that was interested in dating me....Mr.jerkelton went up to this guy and said: she wont answer or return my phone calls..is it because you are (insert naughty word that starts with an "F") her? it scared him off and there i was..back, thinking, here we go again..like i said before..not sure if i went back because it was jsut easier then dealing with that crap or if i thought that was just his way of showing he loved me? which would be one of the many excuses i made for his behavior.......wow... he really had me wrapped around his finger, didnt he? :splat:

[luvmykids]

i was feeling guilty also..why? I broke up with him because i wasnt getting what i needed........im not selfish at all, but i think i was feeling that way when i broke it off and that caused guilt...not anymore...my confidence came and tapped me on the shoulder and when I turned to see who it was...it slapped me square in the face..thats when i went from sad to pissed.....now its only uphill....with a big shove from my friend, confidence..and you guys of course.

[luvmykids]

My confidence was sooo blinded by the *sunshine* he was blowing me.

guess what? my confidence showed up with *sunglasses*!!!!

 

everytime you 2 see someone wearing sunglasses...think of that statement and smile!

[ImThatGirl]

I'm trying to catch up!

[annalise23]

Ill never forget NYE this year. I still cant believe I got back with him after it.

 

I think us ladies are 'saviors' trying to save the ones we are with. But enough is enough. We cant do it at the expense of our own sanity!!

 

Its easier to go back because it takes away the 'im alone' pain. Even though we know the relationship is doomed, its not nice to feel alone. Especially when you are used to being in this situation.

We know the same stuff will happen days/weeks/months away yet right now i think gosh it would be easy to forget it all and start again. Til next time!!!

 

Thats all i can say to myself now. Be strong. yes its easy to go back. We are human and obviously still care even if a little bit. If we didnt, we wouldnt be on this website all day!

 

But if we go back, it wont change. And how long do you stick around for it? Til you no longer have a life because you are dancing to his tune? I know I am a strong person, yet I would let things slide through fear of arguing. Not that i was scared physically, but mentally. He hurt me so much sometimes.

Telling me he would go F some other girl at his work...

 

it was because of these times that i hated arguing. so let it go. and that is not right!

[annalise23]

My confidence was sooo blinded by the *sunshine* he was blowing me.

guess what? my confidence showed up with *sunglasses*!!!!

 

everytime you 2 see someone wearing sunglasses...think of that statement and smile!

 

I so will!!

[annalise23]

I'm trying to catch up!

 

wondered where you had gone!

 

we have been busy!!

[ImThatGirl]

My ex eventually said that the reason I brought things to the table for discussion was because I could not live without drama. Hello?? How does having discussion or communication have to = drama!

 

I also began to analyze myself. A couple months ago, due to his criticism and lack of showing he cared, and him telling me I over analyzed everything, I pretty much hated myself. Momentarily.

 

When we got through that rut, I decided I'd never listen to any of his suggestions - I did start telling him "why are you with me then?" Just because I got tired of it. Why be with me if you think I do EVERYTHING wrong?

 

He didn't like that either..... I stopped letting him have the upperhand and told him without positives, I'd accept NO negatives.

 

You two are a big help!

[annalise23]

You should be able to communicate with each other and tell each other how you feel. Otherwise issues will build up and turn into big arguments. I cant believe your ex said you were causing drama by talking about things!!!!

 

Winds you up doesnt it!!

[ImThatGirl]

Other points I have to make right now for some reason.

 

Early on, I mentioned I had emailed a family member to tell her when I "could" make it to lunch.

 

He pointed out - - - > "It's not all about you! You need to learn that!"

From there on, I didn't make it about me at all.

 

I think he taught me that because it was all about him. Selfish @@@@

[ImThatGirl]

And secondly another lesson from him:

 

"You're not going to change, are you? I can tell you right now that being stubborn and standoffish won't work."

 

So how else should I be when you put me down, I should have asked. When he put me down or treated me badly, my choices were 1) cry 2) be defensive 3) be quiet but that lead to sulking quietly = standoffish.

 

I eventually got back to standing up for what I believed in rather than beating myself up and holding everything in. Since I stood up for what I believed in, I was a you know what, and he always turned it into fights.