He says he loves me...actions speak louder then words..right?

[luvmykids]

Well, I got my closure..(I hope)

I left him a message and said what I had posted earlier ( about following up with actions after such a statement). I wished him luck and hung up. I just wanted him to know that you cant do that to someone and not expect them to be hurt......hope I got my point accross!

[luvmykids]

next time he just shows up you need to lay it down for him. ask him not to come around anymore. if you have mutual friends, you need to make time with them and ask that he not be contacted to come hang out and vice versa. this is ridiculous that he keeps 'showing up'. somebody is obviously tipping him off as to your whereabouts.

 

I think your right....i have noticed that shortly after I get there, his friend, which is my good friends husband, is off using his cell phone away from the group. then, here he comes sortly after that....he doesnt even stay..just makes his appearance and leaves. mind games and minipulation i think.

[ImThatGirl]

I don't know if I should say "good job" getting your point accross.

 

As long as it's not a cry for him to react, then good job. Get your points accross and then say good riddance!

 

I think it's a bunch of mind games and manipulation too! Be strong! And always post here if you are feeling down! Everyone is so helpful!

[luvmykids]

No, its not a cry for him to react..I needed him to know why I felt hurt and that he shouldnt do this to other people either..he probably doesnt care either way but i had to say my peace.....

IN my honest opinion...I know that he wont respond to that kind of message because he knows hes wrong and he hurt me...I dont want him calling me like he did every other time. I can get through IF he leaves me alone.

[ghost69]

you should be able to get through even IF he does contact you. you need to stick it in your mind you are moving on.

[luvmykids]

Yeah, you would think I would. He can be pretty persistent sometimes.

The phone calls, showing up... you know the game.

 

I just have to stay strong this time. I have taken him back so many times before.

[ghost69]

next time he comes out and even glances at you, have your middle finger ready.

[luvmykids]

next time he comes out and even glances at you, have your middle finger ready.

 

LOL, I cant be mean.

Maybe i need to start?

[ghost69]

that was just a joke. sorry. all i'm saying is you have to be headstrong for yourself. do not let him manipulate you. you have to realize that this is very controlling how he can do this to you and has done in the past. you need to learn to NOT accept this behavior from anyone.

[luvmykids]

I hear what you are saying ghost..thanks for the pep talk...God knows I need one! I realize that he was just using me..

Everything was on this terms and when he saw me slipping away, yet again, then the sweet talk and sunshine was laid on thick..and I mean thick! Ive been a fool. I think Im hurting more because Ive allowed this to carry on for months! A friend of mine said something that struck me odd...

She said that maybe he has something for my b-day and is just waiting for things to cool down.....same thing he has done in the past...he waits a week or so and then thinks Im over whatever pissed me off this time and tries to get back in my good graces. I cant handle that anymore.

I honestly think that he knew it would make me angry the way he talked to me last weekend, and thereforeeee, picked a fight to avoid having to do anything for my b-day....

Keep in mind that he was blowing sunshine about getting me a necklace, he had to do some back steping to get out of it so he picked a fight....thats the way i see it anyway!!

[ImThatGirl]

luvmykids! I hope you are doing well today and staying strong.

 

Okay - what Ghost said, if you don't want to be mean, then at least feel mean. Does that make sense?

 

You have a man that makes promises to you and never follows through. You have a man that ignores you whenever he'd like to. You have a man who strays away for weeks.

 

Not sure about you but that's definitely not what I dreamed about as a little girl!

 

I noticed you say often things that show you take responsibility for allowing him to treat you this way.

 

We do need to take responsibility. We are enabling them to treat us badly. We teach them that they can get away with this stuff.

 

Another thing I noticed - that you say it will be harder "If" he contacts you. I used to have that issue too. Still not sure if I'd stay strong or buckle if my ex actually called me. But I pray that I will have the strength to be strong and not go back.

 

P.S. My ex dropped off my cell / car charger on my doorknob this morning. Made me sick to think he was in my bubble!

[luvmykids]

I know how you feel,

I took his clothes that I had here the day after telling him "im done"

I wasnt much but I didnt want it in my house!

I have had enough! I have a hard time staying mad at anyone for too long...

my emotions are all over the place right now! ONe minute I dont give a crap and the next Im sad....this too will pass. I just hope sooner then later!

[SexySadie7]

Hey I'mThatGirl and luvmykids.. i think we are ALL dating the same guy!

Amazing, how many qualities or traits you have just listed that sound just like my ex!

 

"I can't believe how much your situation sounds like my own.

 

The constant words like "to make your head swell" I heard and yours saying "your big head."

 

And more including constant disrespect, inconsideration, selfishness, ignoring me, silent treatment.....

 

It sounds like your bf or ex bf is very conflict avoidant, insecure, controlling and not worth your time."

 

 

I don't know if I could say he was controlling, (in fact he was almost indifferent, which in a way, was worse)

and these behaviors were a very frequent happening in our relationship too: constant disrespect, inconsideration, selfishness, ignoring me, silent treatment.

Hey, you wanna start a post on how to deal with a guy who treats you like garbage, and how to get over him and get back your self-respect?

 

Cuz my guy said he was going to take me out on my birthday, said he'd call me right after he got done with work... he never even bothered to call again!

You wanna talk about disrespectful?

 

I don't know how I could of been so gullible and easy led astray to keep putting up with his rude behavior! What was I thinking? I know there aren't many available single guys.. but really, this kind of guy we are all discussed can leave you emotionally crippled I'm afraid if you let him.

It's funny cuz I had a long evening spent with a friend. He's never mean or dismissive to me, we can talk about all kinds of stuff. I never feel like I'm "imposing" on him. Nor does he ever ignore me.

If I can get a friend to treat me like this.. then why cannot my lover/bf be as nice?

I don't see the point of keeping making myself miserable wondering why he cannot be more considerate to me....

I'm tired of his head games. Aren't you weary of this? Cuz I found this type of behavior to be so taxxing... You are always sitting there like a detective trying to figure out why he's being so crummy to you?

Usually you have no clue what's brought on his rude behavior. One night we spent together and got along great, wonderful sex.... in the middle of the damn NIGHT he suddenly gets up and says he doesn't want to sleep with me!

I mean.. i don't know. it was like dating Dr. Jekyl/Mr.Hyde.. I got tired of all his little fits and acting like the "drama queen". Life is hard enough to have a SO putting you thru the mill, isn't it?

I guess cuz he was a good looking guy he thought he could get away with it. Sorry, fella, but looks only get you so far I think.

 

If your personality sucks or your manners it really affects the quality of the relationship, don't you think?

[luvmykids]

Get this one......

Last week we had gone through a drive through for a fast lunch, okay...

They messed up my order and as we were pulling out I said to him that forgot something on my order and he said..oh well..to late now. we werent even out of the parking lot. I thought maybe he could go back through but he didnt.

THEN, we get home and he is eatting his sandwhich and it was made wrong.. he gets really pissed off and gets in his truck and goes alllll the back to chew them out cus his sandwhich was made wrong. hmmmm?

KARMA BABY!

as he was storming out the door to go back there, he turns and looks at me and says: do you want me to get the part of the order they forgot on yours?

I just said: nope, im already done eatting.

[ImThatGirl]

Wow, Luv!

 

Here's a story for you... Last night my bf and I spent together, he suggested we go to McD's before heading home after shopping. He had already commented earlier "You're too good for McD's, that's right!"

I said no, I was not going to eat McD's, I'd eat at home. He pulls over to another lane quickly mad bec I didn't want McD's. I told him he could go through and get something. Nope, instead he throws a fit and ignores me the rest of the evening - and refuses to eat anything.

 

Jerks.

[ImThatGirl]

Get this one......

Last week we had gone through a drive through for a fast lunch, okay...

They messed up my order and as we were pulling out I said to him that forgot something on my order and he said..oh well..to late now. we werent even out of the parking lot. I thought maybe he could go back through but he didnt.

THEN, we get home and he is eatting his sandwhich and it was made wrong.. he gets really pissed off and gets in his truck and goes alllll the back to chew them out cus his sandwhich was made wrong. hmmmm?

KARMA BABY!

as he was storming out the door to go back there, he turns and looks at me and says: do you want me to get the part of the order they forgot on yours?

I just said: nope, im already done eatting.

 

 

Just thought of something. Are you sure he was missing something on his sandwhich?

 

This just rubs me the wrong way. Like maybe them forgetting something of yours, gave him the thoughts to make an excuse to get out of the house...?

[ghost69]

all of my exs love hanging out with me. i don't think i have a single one that gets sick or can't stand me around. i'm friends, well, we still talk, with all of them. may not be everyday, but no bad blood. i apologize for guys that are like this. i'm not a pushover nice type of guy, but i'm a momma's boy. i know how to treat a woman. why guys treat women like crap like this and then think that it's okay to keep coming around, buying gifts, etc. i have no idea.

 

i tossed one of my exs mom's bfs out of the house cause he broke in when i was there. he is a bodybuilder too. i was so freaked out for harm to my gf that i had the power to toss him out. arm behind the back pushing him back out the door. crazy. i'm bigger now though and it would be much easier to do than it was then. and her mom invited him back over like a month later after that because she missed him. and some people put up with this crap like in this situation. nuts. but guys are crazy just like a lot of girls i know too. it goes both ways.

 

i'm glad you are doing much better 'kids'. it takes time, but you just have to do it.

[luvmykids]

It wasnt something missing..they added a sauce he didnt order on it and he didnt like it..

He came right back with a new sandwhich.

[luvmykids]

Thanks for apologizing for men who have no clue!

I do have to say that he has done some very nice things for me also.

It just lately the bad out way the good...every time we talk about moving in together or taking things to the next level...he freaks out and starts acting like a jerk...

MInd you that he is the one bringing up moving in together and has been since we started dating..way early in the beginging he brought it up.

HOw am I not s'pose to think that his is pulling my chain when he "talks" about all this stuff and then acts the way he does?

[luvmykids]

I was married for ten yrs.....

IM not sure I could live with someone right now.

I just want some more of his time and to make plans in advance insted of him calling last minute and expecting to to come running.

He tells me that I sit by the phone and wait for him to call, which I dont!

I have a life...he gets mad when I go out with friends or even by myself.

I never had a cell phone before dating him, but got one so he could reach me if I wasnt home...but yet he says I sit by the phone...maybe thats what he wants me to do? I dont know..but it isnt going to happen!

Another thing,, hes always asking me why I love him..I finally told him to stop asking because it was driving me nuts! This is just too confusing and currently a mess!

[ImThatGirl]

Okay - gotcha (with the sauce / sandwhich) How rude!

 

He sounds very insecure. You know ya can sit and analyze forever and he will probably always be the same. Remember that!

[luvmykids]

I know I cant sit and analyze forever, but I do a lot sometimes. It all goes back to the first post...actions speak louder then words. I told him that too.

NOw I will say..TOO LITTLE ,TOO LATE!

[luvmykids]

Is that you in your pic?

If so, we look a lot alike...weird huh?

[annalise23]

Wow luvmykids, I feel like our situations are almost identical- we even share the same birthday!

 

I ended it yesterday (probably our millionth break up) however this time, I mean it. For the past few weeks I just got so fed up and tired of it all.

Its when he starts texting, emailing and showing up at my door that makes it 10 times harder. I really hope he doesnt contact me. And if he does I have to be so so strong as I cannot go back.

 

Its so hard but I keep focusing ont he light at the end of the tunnel and have to remind myself it will be worth it in the long run.

 

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life in this situation? NO!!

[ghost69]

i've never been married, thank gosh. i haven't been in this situation either. guess i'm either lucky, or i don't let it happen.