He says he loves me...actions speak louder then words..right?

[ImThatGirl]

imthatgirl, i've tried teaching friends how to act with women. to no surprise, they don't listen. so i have become the guy that swoops in and gets a lot of action cause i know how to. i don't swoop in on friends' exs though. that is a bad thing in my book. not good karma. don't get me wrong, i'm a tough guy with a momma's boy sweet side. it takes a lot for a woman to get on the momma's boy side though.

 

Did I miss something, Ghost? The I don't swoop in on friends' ex's though?

 

I think men that don't get it just don't get it and may never choose to try to get it!

 

Thank you for your input here, Ghost! Truly appreciate it!

[annalise23]

Thats not a bad idea actually, take his stuff to him. I think I will, maybe not today but I can feel this all getting easier slowly, so hopefully tomorrow I may be stronger to do it!

 

We have hi jacked this thread! But at least its all about how similar and pathetic the exs are! I hope Luv is not making up with her ex!!

[ImThatGirl]

I hope she's not either. And if she does, I hope he changes!!!!!

 

It does get easier but seeing them takes us back to square one.

 

I'm at a point of not even being able to imagine spending time with him. Or talking to him face to face. He's my enemy per se. I can't let him get back in!

 

Just to reiterate:

I think all we need is:

Respect, Love, Compassion, Consideration, Compromise

 

And we rarely if ever get those things from them!

[annalise23]

Well after hoping I would not cry today, just had a mini cry with my mum.

Feel a bit better.

Mornings are always bad. once 12 oclock hits I will be ok!!

 

I just miss him. But then I ask what I miss, and its hard to answer which is just weird! How can i miss him but not know what i miss!?

 

How long ago did you break up imthatgirl?

 

Its been since wed morning for me.

 

It helps hearing how strong you sound it kind of rubs off on me too.

 

He used to work alot, weekends he worked at a club so i never got to go out fri/sat nights. Even when we did spend time together alot of the time it was arguing, or me paying for EVERYTHING. Not that i mind but i have to keep telling myself what is has been like.

 

Obviously there were good times. But i think more bad than good. I never felt completely comfortable with him.

 

and i have to wonder why i let some stuff go. The lies, the chatting up other girls. I never even had a go at him. I dont know why. Fear of another argument, resulting in me hearing a list of nasty things. Thats no life.

 

Note to me: If you go back for the quick fix, next week it will be the same. He cant change. He tried in Jan. And look. As much as he tells you he wants to change for you, he is 33 and it is almost impossible or him to stop this defensive streak. You cant talk to him. You have always thought that. And when you do talk about how you feel, he doesnt want to know and blames you!!

[luvmykids]

Hello,

Ive been reading the recent posts......You guys are a huge support to me right now..dont start another thread!

I have my hot water heater up and going...yipee

 

I feel like crap right now....my kids went for the next week to their dads so its gonna be tough..no noise, no distraction of having to care for them!

 

AND NO...IM NOT GETTING BACK WITH HIM! as a stated in previous post! silly girls!lol

[luvmykids]

I think back to the good times and wonder what they were based on? the lies to keep me around? If the good times only revolve around lies then were they really good or just fantasy?

 

I think I have gotten the "hook" out of my mouth!! now the wound of being pulled along by this hook has a chance to heal!

[annalise23]

Hello Luv!!

 

Glad to hear you are not back with him!! Glad your hot water is working, one less thing to worry about!

 

Im trying to forget the good times for now, too painful. Few and far between but my head keeps thinking about them.

 

I feel like crap too. But its early stages and we have all gone through heartache before and come out ok!!

 

chin up and lets keep each other strong!

[ImThatGirl]

Whewwww - Wipes head in relief! Glad your back Luv - - I know it is so much harder when we don't have our children at our hands to focus on! Stay strong -!!!

 

We are women - hear us Roar!!!!!!!

[luvmykids]

Im that girl,

What did the messages say? just curious to heard what kind of sunshine he might be blowing your way?

 

anna,

do take the stuff over to his house when he is not there!! I thought my man was not home when I went over and he was...would have been better to just leave it there on the porch....I was the last time i looked him in the eyes and he seemed a bit amused. (by the look in his eyes) He knew I would get angry about the way he treated me last weekend and he KNEW i would be bringing his stuff over..guess im too predictable....well all I have to say is PREDICT THIS! GOODBYE

[luvmykids]

Whewwww - Wipes head in relief! Glad your back Luv - - I know it is so much harder when we don't have our children at our hands to focus on! Stay strong -!!!

 

We are women - hear us Roar!!!!!!!

 

that made me laugh! thanks

[ImThatGirl]

In response to your post Anna -

 

Two weeks ago today, I had enough. He ignored me once again for the evening in my home. He was mad because I am so stingy and refused to eat McD's and was upset that he refused to eat because of that. Stupid - but typical of our relationship. Especially the ignorning.

 

He works close to where I live (further drive from his own home.) He had to work on Sat. I couldn't bite my tongue. I asked him if he'd even be staying with me if he didn't have to go to work or see his daughter (also closer to my location) on Saturday.

 

He blew up. Jumped up from his bed on the couch and said "I'll show you I don't care about saving gas! I'll go home.!" I tried to get him to stay. I then got angry and made it clear if he left (again,) it was over.

 

He could not communicate about anything! Discussions / communication? Not in that relationship!

[ImThatGirl]

Hehehe - trying to catch up to everything at once!

 

Anna - You know if you see him, it will possibly take you back to square one! Please be careful!

 

Good times? What are good times?

For so long, the only advantage to being with my ex was that I had the opportunity to "co-exist" with someone. There were few good times. I always knew he'd shut down and be his normal stubborn, unaffectionate, selfish self.

 

And I tried to be strong. I believed in him. I held onto his words that he loved me even though his actions did not show it. I supported him through terribly difficult times. I made excuses for him (he was indeed going through tough times but still I didn't deserve how he treated me.) I told him several times that if he did not love me he should go. It always boiled down to he loved me and wanted to be together.

 

Damn Men!

[luvmykids]

I cant wait for the warm weather... I like to run and keep in shape..not to mention the awsome tan. I always feel my best in the summer time.

I will see how many men tell me then that i need to put on weight!

 

yeah right....117lbs is not too thin..ive always been small! he just wants to fatten me up and sell me to the highest bidder...LOL

 

okay im getting my humor back....good sign!

[ImThatGirl]

Well after hoping I would not cry today, just had a mini cry with my mum.

Feel a bit better.

Mornings are always bad. once 12 oclock hits I will be ok!!

 

Hugs - Just keep remembering you will feel better!

[ImThatGirl]

I cant wait for the warm weather... I like to run and keep in shape..not to mention the awsome tan. I always feel my best in the summer time.

I will see how many men tell me then that i need to put on weight!

 

yeah right....117lbs is not too thin..ive always been small! he just wants to fatten me up and sell me to the highest bidder...LOL

 

okay im getting my humor back....good sign!

 

 

hehehehehe

 

Did he say you were too heavy? My ex rarely said anything negative but would not say ANYTHING positive.

 

You know they can't do that! That would make them Vulnerable!!!!!!!!! Bleh! That would make us know we could find any guy we ever want and a guy that would offer more than they did, like we deserve!!!!!!

[ImThatGirl]

Fatten you up and sell you to the highest bidder? lololol

 

Fatten us up and then complain that we gained to much weight and they couldn't be with us any longer!

[luvmykids]

imthatgirl,

mine was going through some tough times also....huge lifestyle change.(getting full custody of his son)

anyway...he wanted to do it all on his own..he would always say..you know how to be a fulltime parent..I dont..let me do it my way. I never told him how to handle his child..just offered to help if he wanted/needed it. he wouldnt even let me do that...............

[ImThatGirl]

Wow.... Big Change!

 

And kind of comparable to mine.

 

My ex.... Told me after we dated for awhile that his ex of 3 weeks from several months before was 5 months pregnant. And the child "might" be his. I should have walked right then and there. Instead, I made up my mind to stick to him through thick and thin. He never made that same decision with me.

[luvmykids]

I wish i was my cat right now.....shes laying here snoozing with a full belly content as all heck...

 

Im that girl..still havent told me what his messages said? now that my kids are off to their dads im afraid he will start his game of "here i am, come and chase me"

I told him that im not his puppy and I dont potty train well! needles to say he didnt like that very much!

[ImThatGirl]

hehehe - okay - I'll tell ya! Check out this music when you have a chance to!

link removed

 

Fun music, inspirational music, mean music - - - the effects of picking music during several different points of my break up and healing!

[luvmykids]

OKay need some advice,

He knows that I go out for happy hour on the fridays my kids go...

Given the current weather conditions, he will most likely be done with work early.

He will prob'ly come in and "test the waters" knowing i will be there.

soooooo... the question here is , do i go and not stop my life or do I skip this friday and avoid having to see him?

[ImThatGirl]

And what you've been waiting for - nothing big, really!

 

I sent him a sappy message a few nights ago. Woke up at 130 am. And didn't refrain - sent it. It said something like: I miss you. I love you. I know that this has to be over but wish nothing more than to be close to you right now. BLEH!

After work, I sent him another message: Please disregard first message. Just delete it if you will.

 

(Confessions..............!)

 

Since then, I haven't contacted him. I refuse to become vulnerable and accept what he has to offer. There's no reason to contact him period.

 

His messages:

 

1) In response to my question 9 days prior, he said "I stayed because I hoped things would change to how they used to be."

 

2) In response to my request to delete the previous message, he said "Why you found a replacement?"

 

3) In response to an ex friends wife and I becoming friends through this (she's offered lots of comfort - he walked out of their lives too,) he said, "Funny to see you two are friends now."

 

It's not really what he said within his emails but the fact that he's contacting me again. He's never been sweet to me. He always just starts talking to me again, we get back together without any talks and we begin the pattern again.

 

Not this time.

[ImThatGirl]

OKay need some advice,

He knows that I go out for happy hour on the fridays my kids go...

Given the current weather conditions, he will most likely be done with work early.

He will prob'ly come in and "test the waters" knowing i will be there.

soooooo... the question here is , do i go and not stop my life or do I skip this friday and avoid having to see him?

 

 

Can you even see him without crying?

 

How strong are you feeling?

[annalise23]

If you see him will it make you go back to square one?

Can you not go out somwhere else? If you are not seen there, it wil make him wonder why

[luvmykids]

OH YEAH...I wont cry about him, in front of him...I did that once back in dec.

I just gave him a HUGE ego boost.....Im done crying anyway.( i hope)

 

It just his pattern..ive been out in the past and if he shows up and I leave he says im acting immature and then the phone calls start.

 

if I stay, then he gets a few "brave jucies" ( beers) in him and he is in my face.

one time he left and came back and threw a fit until i left with him.

another time, he waited for me in the parking lot.

 

Im just hoping this time he doesnt pull this crap...Im beinging to wonder if the reasons i went back sooo many times is because it was just easier then being harassed.