want to tell a friend that i have felling fo them

[hondabuff]

There is this woman I’ve been friends with for a while. In the time that I have known her I began to have feelings for her. But do to certain situations I really couldn’t tell her how I felt. Every time I wanted to something always came and I wasn’t able to. Then it got to the point where I kind of valued our friend ship more and really didn’t want to risk ruining it, so I held back on my feelings and just decided to be friends.

 

I at this point where I feel I need to tell her how I feel, because I really need to get over her and I feel that the only way for that to happen is if I tell her how I feel. I know this may screw up our friendship but it’s something I have to do. Is their any way I can do this where it won’t screw up our friendship?

 

Now do to certain circumstances I have to do this via email. I know that this is a really bad way to do this but it has to be done this way. I kind of need some help starting it I know what I need to say and I know how to finish it I just need help starting it.

[chet]

I'm not following what you want. You say you have feelings for her, yet you want to get over her. Why not try to move forward with her instead? ...is there something preventing that?

[DizzyDoris]

You never know she might have been waiting for you to make a move! Drop her a line if thats the only way you can do it and tell her how much you've been thinking about her.

 

I've got a cyber buddy who i've never met, but he doesnt live very far away. We chat online frequently and swapped phone numbers etc. Just recently i realised i like him a lot more than a friend. It IS scary to initiate something romantic in case i spoil our friendship, so rather than be direct, im testing the waters at the moment and have stepped up the flirting with him (to which he seems to be responding, but maybe im misinterpreting things)

 

We've chatted online for months now and he asked me out once, but the timing was off, i'd just started dating someone so i couldnt go. I hope he gets my hints and asks me again!

[ghost69]

i was in the same situation with a friend like this. we hooked up and talked about the whole relationship thing. we don't talk anymore. this has happened to me 2-3 times. just be wary of the consequences. if you value their friendship a lot, just think how it will be when they are completely gone.

 

.........................................................................................................................................................................................

[Locke2121]

Yeah, I can dang well relate as well....its whats holding me back now.

[ghost69]

you have to weigh in on the friendship versus a lust for a relationship. check your feelings and make sure it isn't lust for your friend. cause once you go there, it's weird after. jealousy can happen after even if you remain friends after.

 

.........................................................................................................................................................................................

[hondabuff]

Here’s the thing for the past six months she has been shutting me out of her life and she is not telling me why. The reason I want to tell her is because I feel that we are headed down that road. And I won’t be able to get over her if I don’t tell her how I feel. I don’t expect her to share the same feelings I do. I want to do this mainly for myself. Like you said the worse case scenario is that we stop speaking and our friendship becomes nonexistent. I’m already there, at least this way I’ll know why. Telling her would be a huge load off my chest. And should make getting over her a bit easier

[Altruist]

Email doesn't sound like a good idea to get your message accross. It will be awkward when you meet if she doesn't share the same feelings. Try to muster the courage to tell her face to face. After all, you are already friends so I suppose there could be no harm in breaking the news over a cup of coffee?

[Altruist]

Here’s the thing for the past six months she has been shutting me out of her life and she is not telling me why. The reason I want to tell her is because I feel that we are headed down that road. And I won’t be able to get over her if I don’t tell her how I feel. I don’t expect her to share the same feelings I do. I want to do this mainly for myself. Like you said the worse case scenario is that we stop speaking and our friendship becomes nonexistent. I’m already there, at least this way I’ll know why. Telling her would be a huge load off my chest. And should make getting over her a bit easier

 

Well in thatcase, go ahead. For all you know she may be shutting you out because she is disappointed that you haven't attempted to progress beyond platonic friendship.

[Locke2121]

she has been shutting me out of her life and she is not telling me why

 

Just go for it. Even if your tongue falls out and you make a blithering idiot of yourself, it can't get any worse.

[hondabuff]

Just go for it. Even if your tongue falls out and you make a blithering idiot of yourself, it can't get any worse.

 

Exactly I just need help figuring out how to start

[ghost69]

i'm not saying that you will cross the boundary by not saying anything. complete opposite. you WILL cross the friendship boundary when you do express your feelings. maybe she is getting the vibe that you like her more than a friend and this is why she is being distant.

[ghost69]

you need to just tell her that you need to talk to her about. ask her to get some coffee or tea or something. starbucks is perfect for these kinds of things. then say something like "you know we have known each other for a while. i was wondering if you had any other feelings beyond friends." let her speak. maybe she doesn't and will ask why you asked that. don't take it any further than that and just say "oh, i was getting a vibe from you. maybe my radar is off." then you still look good and are more than likely still friends. if she says "yes." act on that. tell her you have been feeling it as well.

[Altruist]

Excellent suggestion ghost. Getting her to say what she thinks of your relationship fist.

[ghost69]

yes. you can always turn it away from being "how should i tell her how i feel? what should i say?" there is always a way to turn the answers to them for the answer you are looking for and not looking like a fool for just busting it out there.

[hondabuff]

my thing is that with all the time apart me calling her out of the blue asking her to talk may blind side her and may tip her off to how feel any way

[Altruist]

my thing is that with all the time apart me calling her out of the blue asking her to talk may blind side her and may tip her off to how feel any way

 

May it seem natural. Take her why you guys normally hang out.

[ghost69]

yeah, ask her to hang out like you normally do. i don't know why you are festering on this woman so much if you haven't talked in a while.