Question for the ladies

[cingularity83]

Which one matters to you most personally when it comes to developing feelings for a guy you're just starting to get to know....

 

1. The things he says

 

or

 

2. The things he does

 

feel free to give details of how each or the other makes you feel.

[rocio]

you know the saying - actions speak louder than words.

 

If a guy is all smooth talk, but his actions don't back it up, I'm going to run in the other direction.

 

However, we mainly communicate through talking so that's important too.

 

I need both

[Hope75]

Oh definitely agree with Hazey on this one.

 

Words are so easy to say. It's when they are backed up by actions that they carry meaning and signifigance.

[hosswhispra]

Which one matters to you most personally when it comes to developing feelings for a guy you're just starting to get to know....

 

1. The things he says

 

or

 

2. The things he does

 

feel free to give details of how each or the other makes you feel.

 

For me it would be the things he does, i.e, his actions.

 

Also......

 

It depends on how someone receives love. There is a book called the Five Love Languages, some people enjoy words of affirmation, some prefer doing things together (quality time), some enjoy gifts, some prefer you doing things for them (action) and some prefer the physical.

[shes2smart]

Pretty words are like a rich dessert....the first few bites are sublime, but the cloying sweetness gets to you and leaves you feeling a little empty and wanting something more substantial.

 

"Something more substantial" = the actions to back up those words.

[Jayar]

Actions... But not even just the cheesy romantic stuff (flowers, chocolates, which is of course expected in the first few months) but the OTHER stuff, like taking a cab out to where you are stranded in a snowstorm to drive you and your car safely home for you.

[anggrace]

What he does, for sure.

[luvursmile]

Definitely what he does....

[CarnelianButterfly]

Actions are important, they reflect what he is really willing to do, there are some things that can be expressed only with a heart felt hug. But verbal communication is very very important, some times words are the only way to get the point accross.

 

Either way, I would say both are significant in a healthy relationship, because they are both ways of communicating with your partner. Verbal and non-verbal cues can be indicative of a problems or joys.

[Parsley]

For me it's technically the things he says. But the things he says that he doesn't notice he says...stuff completely irrelevant to a relationship. If they say stuff about something I agree with or like that they could not possibly know about.

 

Actions obviously do it in a big way for me. My ex and I used to text each other a lot before we were actually 'together'. I remember once saying "I can't reply after this - I have no credit" and he said he'd keep texting me randomly, cause he knew I was bored out of my mind. That really brought him closer because the boyfriend before him would never ever speak to me unless he was guaranteed a response, sometimes not even then. Didn't see the point.

 

Unfortunately my ex managed to do a complete 180 and ended up cancelling my calls and ignoring me.

[Batya33]

Actions, and words and actions that are consistent. I don't think flowers are cheesy, but if he remembers something specific about what is going on with me - particularly early on - that is impressive.

[brokenbird]

.......................

[Alexis_failure]

If a guy says that he loves you, then does something that really proves it. So its a mix of the two.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i think it is the total package that matters (words and actions), since communicating well together is very important to a good relationship.

 

and actions back up words and demonstrate feelings sometimes in ways that words can't.

 

so work on both, and you will definitely be appreciated!

[StarLily]

I like it when a guy says things, but I like it even more when he confirms those words by his actions. I think both are needed, but like I said, the actions are the most important ones.

[treefrogkate]

you know the saying - actions speak louder than words.

 

If a guy is all smooth talk, but his actions don't back it up, I'm going to run in the other direction.

 

However, we mainly communicate through talking so that's important too.

 

I need both

 

Very well said. Communication is the backbone of any relationship, so words are important. But it's little things to show me he loves me that really make me melt.

[eliza]

I think it depends. If I want to get to know him as a person, nothing to do with sex at all... then it's what he says.

 

However.. when I'm starting to hint other things. Then if he knows I'm wanting it.. then ACTIONS ARE IMPORTANT!!

[BELLABORI89]

I Call My Self A Hard Pleaser....to Me A Man Has To Have His Game On Point If He Wants My Number.

 

I Say If You Could Speak Right And Act Right You Can Have My Heart.i Detest Guys That Think That By Acting Up They Are Automatically In Your Pants Or Have My Number Secure (guys I Don't Always Give The Right Number And Thats 99.9% Of The Time Know That I Have A Boyfriend),but Yeah I Think Every Girl Is With Me When I Say If A Man Can Carry Himself Good And His Swag Is Great He Got A Chance...