carbon Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 How do guys feel about girls asking them out - not like a formal date, but to hang out/ do some sort of activity together? Would guys rather initiate contact themselves? How do guys view girls who make the first move, i.e. as needy/smitten or confident/cool? Link to comment
astaro Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 confident/cool defanently i think most guys will be VERY happy if someone initiates, i think we're all kinda sick of having to do it ourselfs all the time. Link to comment
Biffy Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 People think themselves out of so much happiness. It's not 1850, it's fine. You like the guy - ask him out! Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 yeah, let me know! i usually never ask men out but did this week! Link to comment
Northalius Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 I'd go as far as to say, a lot of guys would totally like being approached by a woman. It's out of the norm on a wide scale for a female to ask a male out, so the few that do, stand out a lot in a guys mind. It shows, through action, not simply words, that the woman has a good deal of confidence, which I'd assume most guys like a girl to have; plus, it's a confidence booster for the guy at the same time, since it shows he's good looking enough (or good personality enough, if the girl has seen him talking, expressing his opinion and emotion on issues, etc.) to be worth it for a girl to ask him out. Link to comment
rocio Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 If the guy is interested in her, then why would he have a problem with her asking him out? If he's not interested, though, he might feel uncomfortable and not know how to handle the situation. As women, we have rejection down to an art. Since guys aren't often approached, it could be quite unpleasant for them. Link to comment
Northalius Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Well, if you're single, and don't mind a little white lie to save their feelings from being hurt, simply say "Sorry, but I'm seeing someone right now. or "Sorry, I've just got out of a relationship, and am not ready right now." or "I'm not interested in dating / a relationship right now." etc. etc. Not hard at all. If you're not into lying at all (which is good!) then plainly tell them "Sorry, you're just not my type." Link to comment
Iwantittoend Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 I was interested in my current girlfriend but was kind of shy. She ended up asking me out on a first date in the middle of December, and we started dating in January. It really works out either way these days. I saw her as a confident/cool girl. Link to comment
rocio Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Well, if you're single, and don't mind a little white lie to save their feelings from being hurt, simply say "Sorry, but I'm seeing someone right now. or "Sorry, I've just got out of a relationship, and am not ready right now." or "I'm not interested in dating / a relationship right now." etc. etc. Not hard at all. If you're not into lying at all (which is good!) then plainly tell them "Sorry, you're just not my type." Us women know that it can be this simple. But you'd be surprised by the way alot of guys react. Some let it go to their head and start thinking they're the hottest thing on the planet. These ones will often string the girl along for the benefit of their own egos. Others don't want to be mean to a girl so they accept without wanting to. Others don't have the guts to say no to her face so they accept and stand her up. Link to comment
rabbitskin Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 yeah, let me know! i usually never ask men out but did this week! Annie, I want to know how he reacted! I've never done this myself. Did he say yes right away and look happy, or was he taken aback? Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 i think women that ask me out is flattering. it has never bugged me. i usually do the hitting on work. it's nice to have a woman do it once in a while. ......................................................................................................................................................................................... Link to comment
carbon Posted February 23, 2007 Author Share Posted February 23, 2007 Us women know that it can be this simple. But you'd be surprised by the way alot of guys react. Some let it go to their head and start thinking they're the hottest thing on the planet. These ones will often string the girl along for the benefit of their own egos. Others don't want to be mean to a girl so they accept without wanting to. Others don't have the guts to say no to her face so they accept and stand her up. That's exactly what I'm afraid of: the guy accepting just bc he's being nice (of course girls do this too). Link to comment
v8vachon Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 I think it depends on the rappor that the two people have. Men can see a woman approching them as an opportunity to get what they want out of a girl, because she obviously is interrested. But if the rappor is already friendly and the 2 people know each other, it just takes thta oen person to break the ice. Then i dont' see why not. I guess I myself am just old fashionned, I found thta when I've approached men, I feel like im in the lead the rest of the relationship and it becomes uncomfortable. Link to comment
carbon Posted February 23, 2007 Author Share Posted February 23, 2007 I'm actually more comfortable with being "in the lead." Maybe it's just my personality but I'd rather my feelings be known and let the guy decide than to be the girl who waits around for the guy to initiate things. Because, after all, if he's not interested, then I can't do anything about it, and we were not meant to be.. Perhaps I can say all this because I'm so jaded and I have years of experience building up my walls. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Annie, I want to know how he reacted! I've never done this myself. Did he say yes right away and look happy, or was he taken aback? he said yes right away and smiled and kissed me. but then when I called him and asked him out for a particular day, he said he wasn't sure because of scheduling conflicts. I wasn't sure if he was "waffeling" or not interested, or just unsure of his schedule. he then left a message saying he couldn't meet that day I suggested and wanted to find a different day. so, I'll call him back today and see if we can work something out. If we do go out and have a good time, i will let him be the one to ask me out next. ball is in his court, right? I don't necessarily feel like I am "taking the lead", well, at least not permanently! it is just one date, i don't plan on asking him out everytime if things go well. i do want to make sure that he is interested in me, and didn't just say yes because it is a novelty that a woman asked him out. Link to comment
longhaircats Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Hi there, I just asked a guy out and it was my first time too! I talked to a couple of my friends before asking him out, and one of my guy friend said "of course, we love being asked out by girls. it's 2007!" So I did it and we are going to meet for drinks after wrok next week Good luck! Link to comment
v8vachon Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 I'm actually more comfortable with being "in the lead." Maybe it's just my personality but I'd rather my feelings be known and let the guy decide than to be the girl who waits around for the guy to initiate things. Because, after all, if he's not interested, then I can't do anything about it, and we were not meant to be.. Perhaps I can say all this because I'm so jaded and I have years of experience building up my walls. Great point Carbo.. that's actually a gerat way to way to see it. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 it never hurts to try. i don't think he is uninterested. you picked a particular day. maybe he is just busy that day with something else. you should have him pick another day that he is available and let you know when he is free. then you can act like you aren't free either, but then say oh well i guess i can cancel. makes you seem busy too. ......................................................................................................................................................................................... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 In my general age group (late 20s and up) almost every man I know is flattered by a woman asking him out, believes that it shows courage, confidence, coolness, etc. Almost every man I know does not choose as a long term partner a woman who did most of the asking out, initiating and planning in the beginning. There are a few who end up getting serious with a woman who asked for the first date. I know of no men now or ever in stable long term relationships where the women did most of the asking, initiating and planning in the beginning stages. The conclusion I have always drawn is that asking out men is basically ineffective if you want a long term relationship. If a man (late 20s and up) is emotionally and otherwise available and sincerely interested in dating a woman with possible potential for the long term, he will do most of the initiating, planning and asking in the early stages. While he enjoys being asked out as I mentioned, taking the lead in this way makes him more comfortable and more interested in the lady in question. He doesn't like to do all of the work and the woman must be warm, approachable and friendly and not "play" "hard to get" but he is fine if she says no to a last minute date on a weekend (and indeed most good guys won't even ask last minute not wanting to risk being seen as rude or presumptuous unless it is last minute tickets to a great concert or similar) and he is fine if she is truly too busy to see him more than once a week or so in the beginning. Passive women - who "sit back" are similarly unsuccessful unless the man is truly persistent and really into the thrill of the chase - she has to meet him with enthusiasm and appreciation for his calling her and asking her out, and she has to put in effort to free up her schedule so that he can see she sincerely wants to see him on the day that he is free (as long as he has given her some advance notice). I have asked out men several times - it was a little scary but mostly fine. In one case, a flat out "no" and after that it resulted in a second date (but no third - it was obvious he was not that into me and said yes more out of obligation - he had mentioned nonchalantly getting together some time, I suggested a specific time and place and I think he felt cornered into saying yes, which was fine, no big deal), another time I "hit on" a guy while on vacation - that was fun - the role reversal - it was a harmless fun night and then he hit on my roommate a day or two later (who had not come on to him) - I know there were other times, just can't think of them. None of my friends have found it effective to do most of the initiating, calling or planning in the beginning stages. Correlation without causation? Perhaps, but not to me, and not in the age group mentioned. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 when a woman does it, it tells me that she is confident in herself and knows what she wants. it's almost intimidating, but i am the same way. most women tell me they are intimidated by me for some reason. they think i'm a jerk or a player. i get stereotyped a lot because i take care of myself and care about the way i look. once they do talk to me though, different story. when i have a woman hit on me, i'm amazed because it is rare. more women should do it though. i know a lot of women that say "why can't i meet anybody? men are such jerks and when they talk to me...." blah blah, more complaints. point is, most women that let a guy approach them first get bad impressions cause most guys can't talk right to women. if they changed it up and asked a guy out, they can be choosy and use their skills to meet someone. ......................................................................................................................................................................................... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 I think a woman can do just what you described without asking the man out. She can approach the man she thinks looks like a good match for her, start a conversation, be engaging, etc. and let him do the asking. I disagree that "most guys" don't know how to talk to a woman. I meet many men who are very articulate, well-mannered - bright and funny - quality people - just like women. When I hear complaints about men not speaking properly to a woman that typically comes up in a bar or club scene. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 agree to disagree on the bar club scene thing. but good points bat. if a woman starts talking to me and seems very comfortable with herself, i will engage. i would definitely ask for her number if she didn't offer it or ask me for mine. ......................................................................................................................................................................................... Link to comment
iwishiknew Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 I wish a girl would ask me out..That would brighten up my day if that happened to me..Even back in HS when it was turnabout, No girl ever asked me out for the school dance. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 it never hurts to try. i don't think he is uninterested. you picked a particular day. maybe he is just busy that day with something else. you should have him pick another day that he is available and let you know when he is free. then you can act like you aren't free either, but then say oh well i guess i can cancel. makes you seem busy too. ......................................................................................................................................................................................... yeah, we talked again today and found a day and time to meet, so wish me luck! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 Good luck - have a blast! Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now