Possible to be boring?

[Ericson]

Question for the ladies, your guy is sweetest, most romantic, person you've ever met. Problem, he's shy, he's quiet, but he cares the world for you. He tries very hard to make you laugh, and doesn't let you bring yourself down. He cheers you on whenever he can and has never fought with you about anything except how beautiful you are. But, he's bland. He doesn't keep a conversation going, it's natural from how he grew up.

 

Would you still date him?

[RayKay]

Hmm, well conversation is pretty important to me. If I wanted to be "cherished" and "never disagreed with" I would get another dog to be honest....

 

Don't get me wrong, I definitely need to be treated with respect, and care, and love.....and laughing together is so important. But, if someone agreed with me to avoid conflict even when I was wrong, or did not have conversations with me about his life, my life, interests, funny things, serious things....I would not be very fulfilled as I think that sharing and communicating and sharing those opinions is important for growth together.

 

Why do you have a hard time? Is it because you worry about being judged? I guarantee you have opinions, right, and beliefs, and perspectives? Don't be afraid to share them....someone whom loves you would not judge you on that.

 

Shyness is a hard thing to overcome, but often it is due to fears and insecurities. Get to the root of WHY you have those, and that can go a long way to improving your own self esteem and confidence.

[SuperDave71]

Ya know..I know I am not a lady...

 

But it would be like loving your pet Dog....they love you unconditionaly but they have trouble keeping the conversation going.

 

 

I do however agree with RayKay on this one....

 

 

 

SuperDave71

[Altruist]

I'm a man too but I feel I have to comment here: Agreeing to your girlfriend every whim might look sweet and charming at first but the novelty soon wears off and she will start to get bored. Thats when things can turn bad.

[Batya33]

I agree with the above and think it is a cop out as an adult to blame your conversational style or personality entirely on your parents or upbringing. When I used to get nervous before a first date/on line "date" (now I am in a relationship) the mantra that calmed me down was that the man would be at least 50% responsible to keep the conversation going. A main reason I was uninterested in a second date with certain men was because of the blandness you described. One of my parents had poor social skills -- I had to learn mine elsewhere. It was hard - very hard - but I did because I wanted to be in healthy friendships and relationships.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I like respect, but I also don't want a guy that will compromise his own beliefs just so we don't fight. If he disagrees about something, I want to hear it.

[shadow34]

My ex husband, whom I am friends with and we have two children was almost an exact clone of you. It drove me absolutely nuts.

 

I loved him dont get me wrong, but he was just happy to please me in everything and would never ever and I mean NEVER disagree and it used to annoy the crap out of me.

 

If we went out, hed be like wherever you want to go, if I had a problem I was always right in his eyes and Id do it deliberately to get him to grow some balls....

 

Im sure your a wonderful sweet caring guy, but you cant change what you dont acknowledge, this has nothing to do with your upbrining hun.

 

If you feel you need confidence, why not do a self esteem course or a learn to lead conversations course...Ive had friends do these and they are fantastic.

 

Please note, In no way am I dogging on you at all just answering your question that the "overly Nice" guy does get on our nerves...

 

Woman, never happy are we !!!!!!!!! hehehehehehe

[Jason1080]

Question for the ladies, your guy is sweetest, most romantic, person you've ever met. Problem, he's shy, he's quiet, but he cares the world for you. He tries very hard to make you laugh, and doesn't let you bring yourself down. He cheers you on whenever he can and has never fought with you about anything except how beautiful you are. But, he's bland. He doesn't keep a conversation going, it's natural from how he grew up.

 

Would you still date him?

 

Holy crap, thats just like me, I need to improve on that. Reading the responses here helped me alot, thx for starting a thread like this!

 

I'm a man too but I feel I have to comment here: Agreeing to your girlfriend every whim might look sweet and charming at first but the novelty soon wears off and she will start to get bored. Thats when things can turn bad.

So, do you have any pointers on how to improve on this?

[Batya33]

When you develop your own backbone and make it a habit to be assertive and carry yourself so that you command respect, the actions will come more or less naturally after a bit of practice. It means getting out of the habit of being an approval-seeker and of thinking that being a "yes" man is appealing.

[Belle]

Ericson,

 

I may be in the minority, but I like that kind of guy. Except maybe the bland part. I don't like fighting with significant others, so as long as the guy can stand up for himself (I didn't necessarily read into your description as someone who had no backbone) in the event that I am wrong or crossing a boundary, I think things are great. I dont' like a yes man, but I do like someone who is laid back and easy to be with.

[Batya33]

I don't like fighting with significant others either. To me being reasonably assertive and having an opinion has nothing whatsoever to do with fighting.