men,how do you get a womans attention

[sparkly]

just curious to know.and do you act nervous,and if so in what way?

[i1dr]

Actually I've learned over the (traumatic) years that trying to "get her attention" is like walking the wrong way. I try to take all that stuff off my mind and trust that if there is something that is meant to be - it will happen.

 

I don't mean "meant to be" in a cosmic kind of way, by the way.

What I mean is the for a relationship of any sort you need several things. YOu need to be in the right place so many ways. You have to be single first of all and her as well. Then you have to be attracted physically and so does she. That rules out 50 percent of the people you walk by every day but that is just the start. Here is the biggie. You both have to have a reason and the possibility. Just imagine that you bump into your soul mate as she is driving in rush hour trafic in the other dirrection. YOu see her ... you can feel she is the one (most likely mental indigestion ...but lets play along here) but what good is it, or good wondering if "it" will happen? She is heading the wrong way and nothing you can do!

That is an extreme example of what happens in minute ways all the time.

So I like to approach life simply that I will be ... and let it be. I try to find time to do things that I like so there are possible candidates around - but not try to force anything past that. Be yourself and trust in providence, I guess?

Things have a way of working out this way - and they seem to work out far better than those times (which is always for some) that you try to musle the results into place.

[Leonhart]

I always thought women had to get the man's attention first.

 

If a man did want to get a woman's attention, I assume he would try talking to women. Men aren't very bright when it comes to body language or flirting, so they'll generally just be direct and go right for the approach, unless they are shy, then that's a totally different ballgame!

[Zaphod]

Hmmm.... funnily enough when I was a younger man I'd find that women would become interested in me for being the only man in the room NOT intersted in her , you know like at college and stuff.

 

weird - I didn't know how it was working at the time, but managed to pull myself who many considered to be the most beautiful girl in my college by using this method (she came after me) - haha wish I'd known then what I know now.

 

Acting nervous - not necessarily good. Acting HUMBLE and open minded and polite - now that's a different thing.

[Zaphod]

I always thought women had to get the man's attention first.

 

Even though it's the man that often makes the first move, I have a theory that it's nearly always the women who initiates the relationship - i.e. it is her pulling the strings really. Maybe with that one look she gave you three weeks ago, or something like that. Something very clever.

[Leonhart]

Yeppers. It's usually the women expressing some form of interest first that prompts the man to approach her. Not too many men just randomly approach women who have shown no interest in them first. And the ones who do, usually end up regretting it.

[i1dr]

Zaphod .. absolutely! (we are just the inocent victims )

[Batya33]

Typically men have gotten my attention by making conversation with me - usually light hearted/funny, being warm and friendly.

[Altruist]

Find something to tease her about but do it in a light-hearted manner.

[offshore00]

Ok i've gotten pretty good at getting a girl 'interested' just by eye contact.

 

Try this: If your in the right type of setting, like a classroom or something, this is real easy to do. I wait till the girl is looking at me directly, then I look back with a some-what serious look on my face. I look for a good 3-5 seconds, letting her know, "yeah i'm looking at you." After good eye contact and been established look away and don't look at her anymore, kind of like you forgot about her. More often then not after that I see the girl glancing at me constantly out of the corner of my eye.

 

Does anyone else do this?

[txblues]

Ok i've gotten pretty good at getting a girl 'interested' just by eye contact.

 

Try this: If your in the right type of setting, like a classroom or something, this is real easy to do. I wait till the girl is looking at me directly, then I look back with a some-what serious look on my face. I look for a good 3-5 seconds, letting her know, "yeah i'm looking at you." After good eye contact and been established look away and don't look at her anymore, kind of like you forgot about her. More often then not after that I see the girl glancing at me constantly out of the corner of my eye.

 

Does anyone else do this?

 

i was at a crowded club saturday night just walking around making eye contact. saw a girl and we held eye contact as i walked by. didn't think anything of it. later that night i pass close by her and made eye contact again(3 seconds or so). this time she was looking at me first. i didn't think anything of it again. but i should've stopped hung around and tried to talk to her. *note to self*

[baddasslegend92]

yeah dude u messed up!!!!I was on a plane ride from just getting dumped and on the way back this beautiful woman sat nex to me on the plane.I did not say anything the whole trip until we was 15 min from landing..We had a great conversation but I was so nervous to ask her for her number.If I could of did it all over again I would of asked

[ghost69]

every woman is different. i never try and impress. i let my personality do the talking. i've been told i'm contagious and just fun to be around.

 

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[LER07]

If a man did want to get a woman's attention, I assume he would try talking to women. Men aren't very bright when it comes to body language or flirting, so they'll generally just be direct and go right for the approach, unless they are shy, then that's a totally different ballgame!

 

As a girl very interested in a shy guy (what degree of shyness, I'm unsure of), I am having a hard time telling whether or not he is interested in me. Most of my friends (who have never met this guy) told me what you have said here, that guys are usually pretty direct/make it pretty clear when they like someone. So what do guys do differently when they are shy?

[Altruist]

As a girl very interested in a shy guy (what degree of shyness, I'm unsure of), I am having a hard time telling whether or not he is interested in me. Most of my friends (who have never met this guy) told me what you have said here, that guys are usually pretty direct/make it pretty clear when they like someone. So what do guys do differently when they are shy?

 

They'll act nervous around you and maybe avoid eye contact or prolonged conversion with you. At the same time, he might find silly excuses to talk to you just to make you realize that he's interested.

[Leonhart]

As a girl very interested in a shy guy (what degree of shyness, I'm unsure of), I am having a hard time telling whether or not he is interested in me. Most of my friends (who have never met this guy) told me what you have said here, that guys are usually pretty direct/make it pretty clear when they like someone. So what do guys do differently when they are shy?

 

I can speak from experience as a male who is shy with anyone I may be interested in.

 

You would never know if I was interested. I would show no signs of interest and do my best to hide any interest or signs. As I said before, shy men are a completely different species.

[Batya33]

I can speak from experience as a male who is shy with anyone I may be interested in.

 

You would never know if I was interested. I would show no signs of interest and do my best to hide any interest or signs. As I said before, shy men are a completely different species.

 

Have you taken any steps to work on changing your behavior (assuming you are interested in dating or dating at some point).

[Leonhart]

Well, flirting non-verbally has never been much of a male domain to begin with, so I don't think I'll be changing that any time soon. The obvious thing to do if you like someone is to approach them. But only a fool would approach someone without some indication of interest on the other party's side first.

 

That doesn't always happen for me. And if it does, then I need a lot of reassurance that I'll be accepted, not rejected. I've approached people before and had it fail miserably, even when all of the 'signs' were there, so I'm a little more reluctant to try again.

[Batya33]

Well, flirting non-verbally has never been much of a male domain to begin with, so I don't think I'll be changing that any time soon. The obvious thing to do if you like someone is to approach them. But only a fool would approach someone without some indication of interest on the other party's side first.

 

That doesn't always happen for me. And if it does, then I need a lot of reassurance that I'll be accepted, not rejected. I've approached people before and had it fail miserably, even when all of the 'signs' were there, so I'm a little more reluctant to try again.

 

I've been approached many many times by men with no indication of interest by me. Men have flirted non-verbally with me many many times. Typically I do indicate interest. So, are you doing anything to work on your need for "a lot of reassurance" or do you believe that for whatever reason, women should make extra effort to get your attention than they would with a man who is not "shy" as you are? How are they supposed to figure out whether you are shy or just not interested?

 

I've been rejected many times by the way - didn't stop me from trying again. Have you done anything to work on reacting to rejection by being more reluctant to try again with a different person?

[Leonhart]

I have no interest in becoming a completely different person for anyone, especially not for the sake of a passing crush. That would be selling out. Being extroverted and bold has never been my style. And I doubt if that will somehow change in the future. Being alone isn't bad at all. There are worse things in life. Letting a negative emotion dictate one's life, though, is never a good thing.

 

Some people don't seem to mind rejection. Others would rather die than be rejected. I suppose individual differences would affect which view people take on rejection.

[Batya33]

Oh I didn't mean being extroverted or bold - there is a vast continuum between shyness and being bold! I wouldn't change for anyone either. I was very shy and awkward as a child - I changed because as I got older and craved friendships being that way wasn't effective. I didn't see shyness as "who I was" that couldn't be changed - I saw it as hampering my goal of connecting to others (even though I didn't quite put it that way at the time). But, yes, if being alone is comfortable for you of course you shouldn't change! However, I think it is unfair to expect women to put in that extra effort - that extra reassurance you say you need - if they can't tell in the first place whether you're interested.

[RogerRamjet]

Oh I didn't mean being extroverted or bold - there is a vast continuum between shyness and being bold! I wouldn't change for anyone either. I was very shy and awkward as a child - I changed because as I got older and craved friendships being that way wasn't effective. I didn't see shyness as "who I was" that couldn't be changed - I saw it as hampering my goal of connecting to others (even though I didn't quite put it that way at the time). But, yes, if being alone is comfortable for you of course you shouldn't change! However, I think it is unfair to expect women to put in that extra effort - that extra reassurance you say you need - if they can't tell in the first place whether you're interested.

 

Yet that is exactly what men are expected to do... interesting.

[Batya33]

It's more that I don't expect women to do more than be warm, friendly and approachable to a man they would like to date. I don't think women should have to give "extra" reassurance beyond that to a shy man when they wouldn't be able to tell in the first place whether or not he is interested or shy. He should have to step up to the plate once the woman shows the normal level of interest and ask her out or at the very least show strong interest back. Sure, the woman could ask him out but I don't think that's a realistic expectation each and every time.

 

If the shyness is that severe that it's akin to a disability then perhaps the man isn't in a position to be in a relationship, but other than that I've been asked out by several very shy men and approached by many -- it's not easy (I know, I've asked out/approached men) but it's doable and worth the risk of rejection, in my opinion.

[ghost69]

i keep myself in shape. this helps a lot. if you look like you take care of yourself it projects a great image to a woman. they will notice. but don't do it so much you look metrosexual.

 

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[Orlander]

But only a fool would approach someone without some indication of interest on the other party's side first.

I think this is a mistake and not true. Forget about whether a woman shows interest or not. You, the man, have to look at the woman and look at clues as to whether the woman might be receptive to your advances.

 

I met my ex at a bookstore. We never made eye contact or said any words. I saw she was alone, was well dressed, had a smile on her face and was reading a book on being single while sitting at the cafe table. If that isn't a HUGE sign saying "Hit on me!!!" then I dont know what is. I made my way over to her and struck up a conversation. She later told me she looked at me several times before I approached her but we never once made eye contact.

 

I met a woman recently at a local coffee shop. I had seen her several times before there, but this time I saw an opportunity to say something funny and did. We made eye contact and smiled. I got her name and know she is single. We have had a few conversations. Next time I see her I am asking her out.

 

Another woman I met at the same coffee shop smiled at me and made pleasant conversation. I didn't think anything of it because she had a ring on her left ring finger and seemingly smiled at everyone. I recently found out that the ring was a gift from her grandmother and her ring finger is the only finger it fits. She also really likes me and we are in the early stages of beginning what might be a meaning relationship.

 

So, my point is you have to look for the signs that a woman is open or interested in you approaching her, but you can't only go by the signs. The best thing to do is watch for signs but also keep an open frame of mind. Force yourself to smile and be friendly to everyone; man, woman and child.

 

If you are interested in someone and make eye contact, keep it for a few seconds and smile. They may smile back. It happened just four nights ago while at the gym. I passed by a cute girl and smiled and kept eye contact. I had been practicing getting in the habit of keeping eye contact when I notice a woman doesn't immediately look away. We held eye contact for 5 seconds...which is an eternity when you think about it. We smiled at each other and I caught her checking me out several other times afterwards. For me though that night, it was just practice.

 

You don't have to change your personality or compromise your character. It's about being open and learning what signs to look for. It's also about remembering one simple thing...

 

Some girls will want to go out with you and some girls wont and there's absolutely no way of knowing for sure until you approach a woman and ask.

 

Good luck.

 

 

Orlander