Need feedback on girl I met at coffee place

[Orlander]

I think I did catch her off guard with asking her. I'll call her tomorrow afternoon and see if she wants to get together on Sunday or sometime next week.

 

How does that sound?

 

Orlander

[heloladies21]

Call her up tomorrow and set up a time that works for you. Weekends are a good time because most people are free and there's lots to do. Since you met her at a coffee shop, probably best to think of something else to do. Go to some not too fancy diner and get some lunch. You know what's going on in your area better than any of us.

[Beec]

Call her up tomorrow and set up a time that works for you. Weekends are a good time because most people are free and there's lots to do. Since you met her at a coffee shop, probably best to think of something else to do. Go to some not too fancy diner and get some lunch. You know what's going on in your area better than any of us.

 

Not a bad idea. Sundays are ok, but just make sure you don't plan to keep her out for more than a couple hours. First dates should be relatively brief. A Saturday night out often involves some hours, not jsut one or two. It's too long and too much for a first date. Calling on Friday is ideal, imo. Keeping it not fancy and casual is also the way to go.

[longhaircats]

I disagree about the texting - to me that says the person is too shy to talk. Orlando (rightly so) is being confident, he should keep that up.

 

I disagree. Texting doesn't mean the person is shy at all. We used it all the time these days among friends because it's convenient. I prefer receiving calls when I am confortable talking to the person. If am not sure or I don't know the person well, I prefer text because it allows me some time to think about how to respond. It all depends on the situation and person, of course.

 

Anyway, it's up to you Orlander and hope things go well!

[ghost69]

i think texting sucks when you are trying to get to know someone. that is exactly what it is...text. when you talk to someone you get the body language, the way the tone in their voice changes, etc. these are the best things to get to know someone and how they act. i think texting is for wimps in the beginning of a relationship. as far as getting to know them goes. joking around is okay.

 

don't set a time orlander, just ask if she has any plans on sunday in general. if she asks you about friday or saturday, let her know you have plans. don't seem too eager like you kept this weekend open for her. keep her on her toes. coffee first. minigolf would be a good idea for a 2nd date. that is always fun.

[Orlander]

Thanks everyone. I don't know what I am going to suggest we go do. I'm pretty confident I can get a date out of this, but Friday and Saturday is booked for me anyway and Sunday is looking busy as well. I would have to fit her in on that day. LOL

 

I'm going to give her a call tomorrow afternoon, after work to chat a bit. I'll let everyone know how it goes.

 

 

Orlander

[ghost69]

i think that is best. if you suggest some day, make sure you have time. if you bail on her, forget it.

[HDD]

awww i am happy for you Orlander!!!

have a great time!

good luck

[ghost69]

he's calling today. hope he posts after.

[Orlander]

LOL, yes I will call her this afternoon. I'll let everyone know what happens.

 

 

Orlander

[Orlander]

Ok, so I called her and setup a date for Sunday afternoon. Sunday morning came and she left a message on my voicemail telling me she was going to have to cancel on me. She left me some detailed reasons as to why she needed to cancel and also said I should call her later that evening to discuss possibly rescheduling getting together when things are a little calmer.

 

She is moving out of her ex's house. They broke up some time ago and apparently she is finally moving out and into another house with some friends. The move is next week.

 

I called her back after church yesterday and got her voicemail. I left a message telling her that although I was disappointed that I would not be having lunch with her, I understood and I told her that I would call her later last night to talk. I didn't call her back. I just got too busy.

 

I'm thinking that I will call her tonight just to chat. She was pretty receptive when we talked on Saturday. She seemed like she was interested in talking and getting together.

 

Any ideas on how to proceed?

 

 

Orlander

[Beec]

Just call her again and try to set up a simple date, as discussed above.

 

The only thing that changes is that you need to take things slow: because she may still be reeling from a breakup; and to make sure you are not just rebound guy.

[lovesickkk]

Just call her again and try to set up a simple date, as discussed above.

 

The only thing that changes is that you need to take things slow: because she may still be reeling from a breakup; and to make sure you are not just rebound guy.

 

yeah take it slow buddy, i'm sure she is still reeling....

[Dating Coach]

If she continues to cancel or have excuses, move on. She very well may have had some important things to deal with but if this trend continues then her actions show disinterest.

[Iceman26]

I'm thinking that I will call her tonight just to chat. She was pretty receptive when we talked on Saturday. She seemed like she was interested in talking and getting together.

 

Any ideas on how to proceed?

 

 

Orlander

 

I think this is a good idea. I would suggest rescheduling the date until after she has completed the move to her new place.

[ghost69]

the 'excuses' seem valid. give her another shot. she is in a bind. it happens though. haven't you even had a bind where you had to cancel on someone? it just happens.

[Orlander]

Thanks everyone. I'll call her tonight and she if she is receptive to getting together for dinner one night this week. I'm patient though if she can't get together until a couple of weeks I would be ok with that as long as the interest was there. I want to get to know her and am looking for someone who wants to get to know me. If that interest isn't there, like I can't talk to her on the phone or email, etc then I will leave her alone.

 

 

Orlander

[ghost69]

well, you/we picked sunday. it is unfortunate she was busy. it's not like she blew you off.

[Orlander]

you/we picked sunday

LOL, yes it's all YOUR fault!!

[ghost69]

my bad. she will fix it with you. she is just in a slump it sounds like. you can be the fresh of breath air for her.

[Orlander]

Ok, so I tried to call yesterday and got the answering machine. I left a cheerful message saying I would call her back later. Later came and I called but got the answering machine again. I didnt leave another message.

 

I'm thinking I should just wait a couple of days before I try to call her again. I also have her email address. I could write her to see if she is more accessible that way.

 

What do you guys think should be my next step??

 

 

Orlander

[ghost69]

try an email tomorrow. if no response from the phone or the email. take it as a loss. sorry man.

[Iceman26]

I would call again tomorrow and leave a message asking her to give you a call back when she is free. If she doesn't call back I would move on.

[ImThatGirl]

Follow these 5 rules for getting over your ex:

 

1. Stop thinking about your ex

2. Stop thinking about the past

3. Let go of thoughts of doubt and negativity

4. If you find yourself thinking about the past, your ex or being negative...just let the thoughts go.

5. Lift yourself up! Only through strength and confidence can you defeat your fears and heal your heart

 

Hey-ya, Orlando! Please note signature line. I'm worried that this girl hasn't had time for all of these steps.

 

What concerns me:

- That she cancelled on you. And told you of her dillema. Honesty is good but it may be a way of her saying "I'm not emotionally available."

 

- The two unanswered calls, messages left, and no return calls. Also suggests she may not be emotionally available.

 

- Could you be a breath of fresh air that she needs as someone else suggested earlier? Absolutely. But you could also be a rock for her to hold onto when she's weak. A rebound.

 

Persistancy sometimes pays off. But, sometimes it is tied to such hope that you will get what you want - then when you don't, it hurts. I honestly think the best way to handle this would be:

1) Don't call her again, just wait for her to call you.

Or

2) Leave her one more message stating something like "just wanted to check in with you! I am looking forward to getting together with you soon. Feel free to give me a call when you are available."

 

If you hear from her you do. If you don't, you don't. And you know that she wasn't emotionally available and probably couldn't have offered what you were looking for anyway...

 

Hugs~~ I know dating is complicated! Keep your chin up!

[Orlander]

Thanks, Ice, Ghost and I'mThatGirl. I'm leaning towards calling her tomorrow evening one last time and leaving a message for her to call me back if she is interested in talking. Then, if I haven't heard from her in a couple of weeks I would likely send her an email to see how things are going.

 

I don't know. I'd hate to write her off completely so soon.

 

 

Orlander