hades Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 I did the no contact thing. Not really to find myself, or anything like that, but i figured she needed time for herself. I did find myself, though i am not going to attribute it completely to the NC thing. Anyways, she texted, then called, i was busy at the time. I called her back and had a very good talk with her. She really was worried about me, and wanted to talk to me. She wasn't really sure why i hadn't called. I told her, she didn't return my last phone call, and that i thought she wanted space. We talked things out. The reason she didn't want to talk to me because i complained about everything and she really felt it was her fault. I explained that most of the stuff wasn't her fault, and that i didn't want to live with me either. Right now we both agreed to let this go slow. We arn't planing to be back together, because we don't want to make expectations, though we are still togther in all but name. I told her that after realising some things, i am going to need to focus on me, and the things that i did that i felt where wrong. Which basically are the reasons she wanted to split. We ended the conversation with her saying i love you and me saying it back. But also with the understanding that this time, we are going to do it healthy. This time i'm going to make sure my eggs are in the right basket before anything happens. So long story short, we are both in agrement of everything, even getting back together. We both are in agrement that right now, even though we love eachother, and want to be together, and miss eachother, if this stuff doesn't get fixed now, it will make us miserable forever, and that if we stay together I will end up just going back to where i was. I'm very happy with this. I know we need this, and I need this. The moment the actions started speaking for themselfs is when she felt rewarded for keeping her hope. Since we are no longer in a break up crisis, i'll probly be moving forums, as i stated before, no one stays in the break up forums after there back together. I just wanted to let you know, so that those that are who are in a place to look for relastitic hope can see it. Few things before i leave. 1. If its real/true/etc love, you won't be able to stay apart forever. 2. If you push, it will move them in the direction away from you... 3. If its a realisitic problem that can be solved, solve it, and do it for you. 4. breaking up after 3-6 months really can't qualify for true love. 5. Needyness is not love. 6. Honesty with yourself gives you the answers you are looking for. 7. you will not believe these answers. 8. NC is a tool, not a way of life. It should be applied to the proper situations only. 9. If the Ex loves you, they are feeling or felt the same pain. 10. If your here, something got you here. if nothing changes nothing will change. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 What took ya so long!? HA HA HA I am kidding! Good luck to you my friend and I wish you the best! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
LostLoveinLosAngeles Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Ditto my man, nice post. I really enjoy reading another sucess story like my own. Link to comment
celene Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Hey Hades, congragulations! Its good to hear nice stories. But just one thing.I don't agree with you when you say that breaking up after 3-6 months cannot qualify as love. Its not the time period, its the degree of involevement! Link to comment
LostLoveinLosAngeles Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 He's right 3-6months doe not make a real relationship. Thats just infatuation. Link to comment
lady00 Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 He's right 3-6months doe not make a real relationship. Thats just infatuation. I agree. I also think, however, that 3-6 months is enough time to figure out if there's potential for love. My recent ex and I broke up after only a couple months because he felt that there wasn't potential for him to fall in love with me. I felt the exact opposite. Go figure. It's enough time to be well on your way to falling in love. Link to comment
LostLoveinLosAngeles Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 I agree. I also think, however, that 3-6 months is enough time to figure out if there's potential for love. My recent ex and I broke up after only a couple months because he felt that there wasn't potential for him to fall in love with me. I felt the exact opposite. Go figure. It's enough time to be well on your way to falling in love. I definitely agree with that. I view like first few months as building a foundation or planting the seed for the future of the relationship. The feeling has to be mutual though. Link to comment
hades Posted February 13, 2007 Author Share Posted February 13, 2007 Hey Hades, congragulations! Its good to hear nice stories. But just one thing.I don't agree with you when you say that breaking up after 3-6 months cannot qualify as love. Its not the time period, its the degree of involevement! From my expierence, and i could be wrong, there are several things wrong with being broken up from a 3-6 month relastionship and thinking its love. You said the degree of involvement. Even if you spend 24 hours a day with the person,which isn't healthy, you have to nurture the connection. You have to be talking about intimate things. Your past, your present, future goals, favoret music, etc. That takes atleast a month, of 6-8 hour a day communication. Thats also extreamly unhealthy, and also the only reason you would spend that much time with someone is infatuation. To consider someone a friend, you gotta know their favoret color, favoret music, etc. Add 100 times that. But lets assume you do this. Assuming your that deeply connected, and spent all that time together, what in the world could make you so easily consider breaking it off in 3-6 months? You just freakin met them. Even if you ARE living together, thats not enough time to devlop major problems, See them, and BELIEVE they can't be worked out. You would of ran into those problems getting to know them. No one is so screwed up in the heart that they would fall inlove with someone, who loves them back, and in a peroid of a few months believes it's hopeless. Lets assume even that happens. They love you, you love them, you shared everything intensly, and they have come to the conclusion that it won't work. Then you need the reason why. If it's love, ya know, where both people really love eachother, the only reason would be if there where problems. Problems can be worked on. They would take more then a month or two to do. So now your looking at them losing hope in the person they love in a matter of months. Otherwise they would try and help, or see if you fix the problem, be supportive etc. Al-Anon is famous for people that have stayed for 15 years hoping and waiting for someone to change. It's improbable, built on impossible, built on irrational and irreasonable. The thing is, if someone loved you, It would take a while for faith to go out the window. 6 months is not enough time to truly know someone, unless your what, 10? I've been with my GF for 4 years, and spent every minute of every day with her for atleast the 6 months (part of the reason why we need a break right now...unhealthy!) we qualified as love. We didn't see problems till after the first year. After that, it took another year of either of us not doing anything to lose faith. Now, she is a single mom... That means she's more independent, and has another life she worries about before me. I think anyone who believes they have true love (2 people who truly love eachother with all there hearts, and beyond that) Even with love at first site (falling in love instantly) can be broken up within 6 months, without the most dire of circumstances (high level of addiction, people constantly shooting at both lovers, gang wars, etc) is a bit mistaken. My whole point was that when i read the colleage and highschool "love at first site" "true love" posts, they almost all end up with the ex breaking up with them to party/date others/screw around at collage. Love just dont work that way. Im sorry to break it to you, but it's rare for people who really love eachother to even cheat on eachother. And the few times that happens, they fix it, and the one who was cheated on is still able to keep hope. I will agree with you that there are many people who love their partner, but their partner doesnt love them. Those are tragic. I even believe that people can fall inlove at later dates, or create love. But people that are in love, don't break up in 3 months. Link to comment
SpeedingCars Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 That seems like WAAAYY too much calculation and numbers... it all depends on how you FEEL. Many people develop feelings a lot quicker than others... right? Link to comment
LostLoveinLosAngeles Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 Hades was on fire nice post. If you were in love theres no way in hell your first argument would break you up. I've been with mine for 8 years and it definitely was a collection of bs that broke us up. Link to comment
GoldersGreen Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 Hades, that was a great post. I guess the saddest thing is when you do know that it is love in 3-6 months and you're excited about the future and the ability to get to know this new person, only to find that bam, the door is slammed in your face and the opportunity is gone. Man it hurts! Link to comment
amazonqueen Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 Hades, Nice post. But 3-6 months not being enough time for it to be love? I respectfully disagree. All depends on the people involved and the reasons for the breakup. Other than that, good job on the post. Link to comment
Wandering_Sword Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 Hoo wah! Another story of reconciliation is always good to hear. This is fantastic and you are doing well in terms of working things out. Congratulations! Link to comment
devast Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 Wow.. I really like to hear success story... Congratulations Hades.. Nice post.. Plus the fact that, one of the reasons of your break-up was your complaints making her feel at fault... I can relate on that... But hey... Congratulations again... Good luck on you... You married already? Better be... I would like to agree on the 3-6 months basis for true love... if a person really loves his/her partner... It wouldn't take him/her a very long time to realize he/she is capable of sacrificing and trying to work out the differences that they have and get back together... Otherwise... Taking so long to think about working things out could mean taking some more time to analyze some boyfriend/girlfriend prospects who might be better... But if not... maybe I'll get back to my ex... Link to comment
Wandering_Sword Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 Congrats!!! I say this all the time, but never tire of it, it is always fantastic to hear about reconciliations. There is so much advice and venting here that it is good to see some good come from all of this! Bravo, bravo... Link to comment
shadow34 Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 Congrats to you hun, hope it all goes well... Just one thing though, I dont think anyone can judge if someone is experiencing true love or not. I dont think it is right to assume that because it is only based on your opinion and not factual. So I did find that comment could be a bit offensive to those whom may be questioning themselves.Of course, your intentions were of the purest I realise that what is true love?? Well we all have our own interpretation...so for those who are in love under 3 months or 3 years, I dont think qualification comes into play... Love is something we experience in our own unique way....you dont have to qualify at all for true love...its just something you feel... Hugs and good luck Link to comment
devast Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 Yeah I would like to say... This is just my opinion... Thanks shadow... I would like to agree on the 3-6 months basis for true love... if a person really loves his/her partner... It wouldn't take him/her a very long time to realize he/she is capable of sacrificing and trying to work out the differences that they have and get back together... Otherwise... Taking so long to think about working things out could mean taking some more time to analyze some boyfriend/girlfriend prospects who might be better... But if not... maybe I'll get back to my ex... Link to comment
hades Posted May 22, 2008 Author Share Posted May 22, 2008 Hehe, i made this post a long time ago. So as much as i want to keep it a sucess story, i wonder if people who post these ever come back and say how it was going. I feel it would be honest to do that. As excited i was about everything, things didnt turn out the way i wanted them to. The things I had thought we worked out, on both sides, came up again. Though i was working hard on my stuff, progress just wasn't as fast as she wanted it to be. She also got into coke, which i knew i should of left at that point. i dont think it was just the coke, but the person as well. I failed to see what kind of person she was. I might make the same mistake again, i am unsure. Fguring that out now. But this wasn't a sucess. The conclusion was a year of my life lost, my self esteem hurt and alot of new scars. I ended up losing everything i had, because my ex was shady and cheated on me, and needed a quick out to get rid of me, and she wanted to keep everything. I dont want to take away anyone's hope. But i figured i would follow up honestly. Link to comment
cr44hill Posted May 22, 2008 Share Posted May 22, 2008 Hades, I am really sorry to hear this. Did I read your post right, you would consider going back to her? Hope I'm wrong on that one. Do you know if there was another guy, maybe that coke connection guy? that just sucks, I feel for you man. When was the last time you talked to her? Link to comment
brian123 Posted May 22, 2008 Share Posted May 22, 2008 good post. Just again goes to show that most reconcilations do not work Link to comment
lady00 Posted May 22, 2008 Share Posted May 22, 2008 Maybe the success story is still there--you got away from an unhealthy relationship that wasn't working. That is success. Link to comment
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