Two Weeks Together, Now A "Break"...

[theoneandonly0708]

Okay, so I met this guy about three to four weeks ago. He messaged me through facebook. Now, he's an openly gay guy in our school, one of the most known flamboyant ones in our school. We messaged back and forth on facebook a few times and he wanted to know if I was gay, and I said yes. Then we started talking on AIM. And from there we started texting and we talked on the phone once or twice. Then we went out to a movie where nothing happened. When we were texting we admitted we both liked each other and that we wanted to do "stuff" last time at the movies. So, we went to another movie later that week and we made out like twice, held hands, cuddled during the movie. Then there was this two day period of us not really talking, partly because I went over my texting and my parents had to adjust the plan so it was free. Now, he had told me from the start he didn't believe in relationships, he believed in {mod edit}ing, because it was pure and pleasurable without {mod edit}. This turned me off, but we had kept talking. I had asked him again, he said I was making him believe in relationships. He had a little "encounter" with this one kid that he was with before me, not even two weeks before he started talking to me. This left me uneasy to where I felt that he may have feelings for him, which he also said that no matter how much he liked me, he would always have feelings for that other kid. Which, I didn't really understand fully because they weren't even in a relationship, they were pretty much just {mod edit} buddies. Anyways, when I got it back we started talking again and everything. And one night he asked what all of the stuff we did makes us, and I said I'm not really sure. And so, the next day we hung out, I basically picked him up and we sat in the parking lot of Target, due to the fact that my parents don't know about me yet and know that he is, and my dad is kind of against that, but I won't get into that right now. So, that night we made out in the truck for a while, and the brought up what he was saying the night before of what this made us, and he wanted me to ask him out. And he said he wanted to, so from that night forward we were going out. Texting nightly, the whole I love you, everything. We then hung out again at that Target parking lot and made out some more, then that weekend, we went and saw another movie. Which of course we didn't watch and then of course we went to the Target hotspot again. At that point we started to do the whole "hands down the pants" thing but that's as far as it went. So, this past week we had a snow day at our school, so I had him come over since both my parents were at work. We were downstairs made out a bit, then he wanted me to show him the rest of my house, and of course we ended up in my room on my bed. We made out for a long time, cuddled, then started the hands down the pants thing. And it got to a point where he did jack me off. But, then I had to go and pick up my mom from work because I had her truck for the day. One oddity that happened that day, was that when we were downstairs making out his phone vibrated and it was a text from that kid he was with before me, so at that point I became uneasy and a little distant, but I got over it. He said it was just him telling him that there school had a snow day to and that they're still friends. So, then he wanted to do something the next day, which we did. It was in the hotspot again and this time we jacked both each other off, until we came. While he was jacking me off, he said he wanted to give me head, but I said it's too fast, not yet. And so all we did was jack each other off and eat a little bit of each others cum, which tastes really bad. So, that was a very good night. Then, around Thursday I noticed he hadn't been texting me as much unless I made the effort to text him. But, we started texting and he said he thinks we're going too fast, which I agreed. Then, Friday, is where it went downhill. We made out everyday in school during a "bathroom break" where I would text him and we would meet in one of the bathrooms. Friday, that didn't happen, which he was busy so it was fine. But, we were texting when I got home and I asked him what he was doing this weekend and he was busy practically all weekend. I asked what time he got out of work that night, and he said 8, but he was going to a hockey game with a bunch of his friends right after. And, I replied texting him saying "oh, cool..." or something along those lines. And I didn't hear from him texting-wise since. Which, up until that day, we were always texting. So, I began to worry slightly. I went out with my friends that night for midnight bowling, and when I came home I decided to text him saying that I didn't feel like he was making much of an effort and that I was kind of stressed that I haven't heard from him and stuff and that I felt maybe he doesn't care as much anymore. I woke up the next morning and received a text from him saying he's sorry, he was busy and he will try to make more of an effort. So, I felt better, then we seemed to be texting okay again. That was until I was on facebook and noticed like I sent him one of those "gifts" for valentine's day and I asked if he got it and he said he didn't know it was from me, he also had sent one to this other kid he was with at the hockey game, but, I couldn't see his profile unless I was his friend. That didn't bother me that much, but it made me think. So, I asked him and he was like "dude, calm down. it's freakin' facebook.", I was pretty upset at that point because he had an attitude when he was texting like he didn't care anymore. So, I told him that I was going to watch a movie and that I would talk to him later. And he just said, "ok...". Around midnight last night, well today technically, I texted him and asked if he was mad at me. He said, "no, why?", and I said, "well, I thought you were for some reason...", and here are the the rest of the texts from that point on:

 

Him - No, I'm not mad, I've just been thinking about stuff.

Me - Thinking about what?

Him - I don't know, about us...

Me - Talk to me, what's wrong?

Him - I don't know, I just think we're moving to fast with everything.

Me - With everything... explain...

Him - Like we said I love you after like two days of going out and I really don't think that we've had a long enough time to get to know each other to even stay stuff like that. And I just don't want you to get hurt emotionally.

Me - Well, I thought that when you wanted me to ask that question, that we were okay. I thought everything was going good up until like yesterday.

Him -Yeah, but the thing is, just because you're going out with someone, doesn't mean you love them. You have to give things time to develop, and everything was fine but like I just didn't get how you could feel like we are drifting apart just because we didn't talk for a night.

Me - Okay, I'm sorry about that I was out of line with that whole thing. I think because this is my first relationship, I'm learning and tyrying to develop just like you are. I have strong feelings for you, I'm sorry I said that I thought we were drifting. I really don't think that, I think it was more or less that it was like the first day we that wasn't like the rest. But, I'm over that now.

Him -Okay. That's good. But like, I just don't want you to get sick like you said you were. If you are then I'm not sure if it's in your best interest to be in a relationship. I just don't want to see you make yourself get hurt.

Me - Okay, I might have been exaggerating that but yeah, I think I just question whether or not you feel the same because like we always were texting and everything and it like stopped, so I was worried something was wrong or something. Like I hate stressing over stuff like this, I never thought I would, I don't know.

Him - Yeah. I understand, I'm just not sure if I have the maturity for a relationship at this point in my life. Like I never really believed in relationships. I told you that the first night we ever talked. So, I think that because this is my second one, and the one before ended weirdly, that I just got over attached. Do you understand where I'm coming from?

Me - Yeah, I know what you mean, but like we've been fine up until now.

Him - Yeah, but now I'm starting to think about everything.

Me - Me too, but this happens in relationships, we'll work it out.

Him - Yeah, but that's just it, I'm not sure if I'm ready for a commited relationship yet.

Me - Oh my god, what are you trying to say...

Him - I don't know. I just think we should give it a little time.

Me - I understand, I'm just learning how to commit, we'll get through it.

Him - I think we should be a little while as friends and then if I feel differently then we can revisit the relationship subject.

Me - Why did you want to in the first place if you knew you weren't ready?

Him - Because, I thought I was. I'm sorry. Just give it some time. If you really do like me, then you won't have a problem being friends for a while.

Me - Okay, but do you really like me?

Him - Of course I do!

Me - Please be honest with me, does this have anything to do with (other kid's name)?

Him - Absolutely not. I'm completely over him. Believe me. He's an * * *.

Me - Okay, there's nobody else then right?

Him - No! I just want to take a break. I'm not like that, I would never see somebody behin anyone's back.

Me - Okay, good, that's relieving.

Him - Yeah, you'd never have to worry about a thing like that. I'm really sorry. I hope you're holding up alright. Are you okay?

Me - I think I'm okay, confused, but okay.

Him - That's good.

Me - Bedtime, night.

Him - Okay. Once again, I'm sorry. Goodnight.

 

And so, we are currently not going out anymore. Any suggestions, thoughts, comments?

[DN]

Moderator Note: I suggest that you put this in a larger font and put paragraphs in so that people can read it more easily. That way you may get more responses.

[Batya33]

It sounds like you made yourself too available for hanging out and hooking up, you chased him even though he told you from the beginning he doesn't want a relationship with you, you chose someone who feels comfortable telling you intimate details about his other hooking up experiences and now you wonder why he is suddenly pulling away? It's crystal clear - he was never interested in a relationship with you, he was interested in hooking up with you, for a little while he was confused as to what he wanted and then he quickly realized he'd made a mistake and did not want to be in a relationship with you. All the rest is just overanalyzing and lots of words for the very simple message he gave you from the beginning. You accepted his boundaries by agreeing to hang out and hook up with him without a commitment.

[theoneandonly0708]

I know that he said that from the beginning.

However, when I asked him again when we were starting to talk, he told me that I was helping him to believe in relationships, he loved me and everything, we even talked about our future together about how he wants me to live on campus in college so he an come and visit me everyday. He might have "thought" that he was ready, but, he apparently isn't ready. I didn't push anything whatsoever. He's the one who wanted me to ask him out. I didn't do that on my own until he starting hinting at it.

[Batya33]

The key here is he said you were helping him to believe in relationships - someone who wants to be in a relationship doesn't need help from the other person - they have to be ready on their own. There is nothing to "believe" in - you simply get to a place where the benefits of being in a relationship outweigh the disadvantages. We can disagree on whether you pursued him too much given his reluctance to be in a relationship with you.