Being bullied at work.

[SilverManic]

I'm being bullied at work by the 2 other girls that work there. I have been trying to hand in my notice for 2 months but my previous manager wouldn't take it. My new manager has taken it. But today was aweful. One of the girls who has been bullying me bellittled me infront of customers.

 

The secrity lady spoke down to me like I was a piece of dirt and I made a comment about her. There was a 'customer' who happened to be the mother of a girl who bullied me all though my entire school life. So I made a coment about there being a god in the back room.

 

One of the girls tells me I need to put makeup on and do my hair and dress up nice when I thought I did do my hair but I can't wear makeup because I have allergies which I told her and she still goes on.

The other girl bosses me arround and makes me look stupid infront of the coustomers.

 

My manager does NOTHING about it. So I filed a complaint to head office about this even though I quit because I'm not going down so easily.

 

I feel aweful why does everyone treat me like I'm inferior and think it's ok to do that? Why do they put me down so much? I'm so unhappy...

~S.

[MovingOnUp]

Oh I'm so sorry! That kind of behaviour is terrible. Please try not to take what they say to heart, their opinions really don't matter! Who'd listen to people like that?

 

If I were you I'd contact head office as well as they shouldn't be allowed to get away with it.

[robowarrior]

Stress from daily life is often emitted on others. Tell her to go away and not speak to you any more. Refuse to talk to her, say that you don't want her anywhere near you anymore. If she goes to you, you walk away. Continue to file complaints. Better yet, secretly record her horrible behaviour on audio tape. If you let a manager hear those tapings and all those accusations which you consider as hurtfull (really hurtfull comments are neccesary to convince) that way you at least have evidence of the bullying.

 

You DO have a valid reason, bullying can even lead to people killing themselves, you deserve better treatment.

[SilverManic]

My doctor insisted that I leave my job and said that anyone would react to something that hurt them if they had been though the same. He said he thinks that the negative environment which I am in at work is the reason why I fall ill a lot and am being sick for no reason.

 

Although I don't have to follow his advise I did because I've been vomiting because of work pressure and extreemly stressed from everything else.

I can't believe such horrible little girls exisited.

 

I know it's over now but it hurts so much that people could be so cruel. I didn't do anything to them. To tell you the honest truth I was scared to go into work incase something else happened, I'd just had enough. They put me under this situation because they alowed this to go on for 3 months!!!

 

I feel like I needed to vent more then anything but it really was driving me mad.

~S.

[anggrace]

Im glad you no longer work there! You did the right thing by leaving! You don't deserve that at all. Good luck at your next job- let us know how it goes!

[adahy]

Sorry you had to deal with that. I suggest you read some books and learn how to empower yourself...lots of material out there. From the start, don't let yourself fall into a position of weakness. In almost all social interactions, there are plays for power going on..and if you don't want to be on the losing end, then you need to know how to deal w/ people and particular situations. As bad as these girls were, you need to change some things or you'll be right back there again...everything from appearance to attitude is important. It's all a game, but you need to know there is one...and start playing your hand more carefully. It sounds like you've had to deal with this in school and other areas of your life as well. So, I would learn from this lesson..that people aren't nice...that they aren't gonna open doors for you....etc. Unfortunately, you've gotta learn to position yourself on the other end of things...and that doesn't mean running to a boss or someone else for help. That wears thin, it shows you're weak and worsens your cause in fact. Other people can't fix this, only you can. Find some books on the subject. Best wishes.

[Bethany]

I am a Union Rep and also a boss. Your employer is in "Breach of Duty of care" Under the Health and Safety At Work Act 1974.

 

The UK Law states that an employer has a LEGAL Duty of Care to his/her employees. Employees have the right to work without being bullied or harassed, which includes belittling. These employees could be sacked if you take out a grievance against them if it is PROVEN there is a case to be answered so be very sure that you want to take this further.

 

If you do want to take it further you need to make a diary of dates and times when these incidents occurred, preferably not just 'last week' or 'the other day' but proper dates and times if you stand any chance of winning your case.

 

Also I recommend you join a union. UNISON, GMB, T&G, they are all large powerful unions in the UK can and will help you fight your case, and will undoubtedly help you greatly and if they feel there is a case to be answered they will fight your case on your behalf.

[adahy]

I would learn how to empower yourself, first and foremost. This will help well beyond the workplace.

 

Many people just float by, expecting their boss, a union, or whoever to be there pampering and paving their way thru life. It's weak...it's a weak approach to life and work. If you want to stay weak, blame your boss, blame the girls, blame lack of a union.

[cantexplain]

I would learn how to empower yourself, first and foremost. This will help well beyond the workplace.

 

Many people just float by, expecting their boss, a union, or whoever to be there pampering and paving their way thru life. It's weak...it's a weak approach to life and work. If you want to stay weak, blame your boss, blame the girls, blame lack of a union.

 

Yes, we must stand up for ourselves and command the respect we deserve.

 

Trouble is ... some people will just bully more and even sometimes more subversively.

 

I think the UK poster is making the post that this is not OK and the boss should be doing something about this.

 

In other words, it is not the original poster, it is a workplace problem which she correctly left.

 

One door closes so another can open.

[SilverManic]

I would learn how to empower yourself, first and foremost. This will help well beyond the workplace.

 

Many people just float by, expecting their boss, a union, or whoever to be there pampering and paving their way thru life. It's weak...it's a weak approach to life and work. If you want to stay weak, blame your boss, blame the girls, blame lack of a union.

 

I apreciate any help that I get. I am weak in the sense that I care about others too much and try to befriend everyone. But I do not rely on everyone else to do things for me.

 

I was bullied BECAUSE I have an OPPINION. That is diffirent to everyone else. I like more cultured music, I like more political thinking but they are just into sex and drugs as they have clearly shown me. They gather round in groups and deside which person they can put down next to make themself feel better. It didn't matter who I was. They were unhappy with themselves. They sicken me.

 

 

My husband told me he thinks I get bullied because I am a caring person and people feed off me and wear me down. I am honest with my oppinion and people hate that.

 

I don't have the money to take it further and I have lack of proof. Who is going to believe me in a court of law? Tears will get you nowhere, with out solid proof you can't do anything. But thank you for letting me know about that. If I ever speak to my boss again I'll let her know that she was breaching my rights maybe she'll second think on who she lets get away with things.

 

Thanks everyone for your advice. I guess what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. My family were supportive about it as they knew I'd been having problems for a long time there.

 

~S.

[Bethany]

I would learn how to empower yourself, first and foremost. This will help well beyond the workplace.

 

Many people just float by, expecting their boss, a union, or whoever to be there pampering and paving their way thru life. It's weak...it's a weak approach to life and work. If you want to stay weak, blame your boss, blame the girls, blame lack of a union.

 

link removed.. Read that adahy, might give you some perspective at how a "Target" feels...

 

And Why SHOULD people have to put up with people who do this when the should be disciplined by management who hold a LEGAL duty of care to their employee?>>>>> link removed

 

It's absolutely disgusting and IS against the law. It is not a sign of weakness and maybe you should check out this page too.>>>> link removed

[Mrs Elliott Smith]

They treat you like that because you apparently put up with it.

 

You need to stand up for yourself, because this is just as much your fault as it is theirs. You're ALLOWING yourself to be victimized by them. Toughen up a little!

[Bethany]

They treat you like that because you apparently put up with it.

 

You need to stand up for yourself, because this is just as much your fault as it is theirs. You're ALLOWING yourself to be victimized by them. Toughen up a little!

 

She has toughened up, she has written a letter complaining about what happened to her so well done to her.

 

 

A quote from the ''myths and misconceptions'' page....

 

Victims are weak

Targets of bullying have no interest in power or exercising power. They go to work to work and they are not interested in office politics or conflict. Targets of bullying have high moral values, a well-developed integrity, a vulnerability (eg need to pay the mortgage), a strong sense of fair play and reasonableness, a low propensity to violence, a reluctance to pursue grievance, disciplinary or legal action, a strong forgiving streak and a mature understanding of the need to resolve conflict with dialogue. Weak people disingenuously confuse these hallmarks of character with weakness. Targets of bullying will withstand daily abuse for months, often years, but the first time a bully gets a taste of their own medicine they immediately run whingeing to authority demanding protection. That's weakness.

[Bethany]

More info for the OP ...link removed

[CaptainPlanet]

be careful imo. they could easily pull the old, poor interpersonal skills, disruptive in the office, did not get along well with others, lacking social skills ect rubbish. Basicaly they will blame you for not getting along with the others, even tho it was bad work culture that caused it. You don't deserve to be bullied but please b careful the world is not a fair place.

[adahy]

Victims are weak

Targets of bullying have no interest in power or exercising power. They go to work to work and they are not interested in office politics or conflict. Targets of bullying have high moral values, a well-developed integrity, a vulnerability (eg need to pay the mortgage), a strong sense of fair play and reasonableness, a low propensity to violence, a reluctance to pursue grievance, disciplinary or legal action, a strong forgiving streak and a mature understanding of the need to resolve conflict with dialogue. Weak people disingenuously confuse these hallmarks of character with weakness. Targets of bullying will withstand daily abuse for months, often years, but the first time a bully gets a taste of their own medicine they immediately run whingeing to authority demanding protection. That's weakness.

 

I can agree with this, although I don't think every scenerio is the same. Also, I do think "targets" or "victims" do have an interest in power, otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation. Perhaps not power in the sense that a bully craves or needs. When I say empowerment, I mean a certain degree to move out of the "target" category, not in terms of control or domination. I know PLENTY of nice, caring people w/ all sorts of views and they are not bullied. Most everyone faces a bully at some point in their life, however if it is a reoccurring theme in different environments something needs to be changed in my opinion.

[cantexplain]

sounds to me like this workplace lost a good worker.

 

time to move on to a more productive environment ....

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

I understand your experience because I was also a target of bullying.

 

My experience was that the whole department gang up to isolate and discriminate me. They would discredit the extra good job I put in. The demoralise me by theartening me of being transfer to the place far away, which is totally not true. They constantly lie between themselves.

 

My health also deteriote tremendously. I have constant cough due the stress at work. When I mentioned I wanted to transfer department, they threaten to spread bad rumours about me. And keep persuade me not to ask for a transfer.

 

When they know I have part time study, during tuesday and thursday. They said, you cannot leave so early and asked me to stay longer. Anyway, I didn't care and went for class anywhere.

 

In fact, they would leave very early if the boss was not coming back to the office.

 

If I was not transfered by the HR, I would definitely quit my job.

 

Kind of think of it, I still felt the fear by thinking of the bad charater of the work colleagues. Now, even when they contact me, I wouldn't answer or return their call or text message.

 

So you are not alone.

 

It makes me think of the racist row in the Celebrity Big Brother. I am really glad to see that the bullies being evicted out.