How do I apologize?? :(

[chigal28]

So I made a really stupid, ignorant comment at a Super Bowl party yesterday, and I need some advice on how to handle things now.

 

One of my friends, I'll call her K (who I am working on building a friendship with again after my drinking hurt her repeatedly up until about a year ago) brought her boyfriend, his roommate and his roommate's boyfriend to the party. I've met K's boyfriend numerous times, and I met his roommate and bf (who happen to be gay) once, at K's birthday party a few weeks ago. I got along well with them, and it was really nice to see them again.

 

Prince comes on for his halftime show, and he's wearing that crazy powder blue get-up...which people are commenting on. K, her bf and his two friends are sitting RIGHT by me and my bf, and without thinking, I just said "wow, that's pretty gay!" Now, I know there's no excuse for such a thoughtless comment, but it's one of those sayings I've picked up at work--people here call everything "gay" or "lame" if they think it's silly.

 

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, though, I just wanted to take them back. I felt too self-conscious to even look over at them and say "oh God, sorry, that's not how I meant it!" or something. So I just sat there in silence.

 

My friend, K, seemed a bit cold to me when she was leaving the party, even though we had been chatting a bit through the game, and now I'm wondering if these two very nice guys were offended by what I said. I wouldn't blame them.

 

My question is, how do I apologize? What do I say? I don't want to stir up trouble, but I do want to make it known that I know what I said, and that I feel horrible about it, and didn't mean anything by it. I also don't want to be like that guy in "The Office" who tries to apologize for something and ends up offending people even more.

 

Help, please!!

[adahy]

Personally, I think being honest is always best if you 'sincerely' want to apologize to someone.

 

In this case, I'm sure the gay guys know it's a "loose" term. I doubt that they had a big issue with it, they've dealt w/ a lot worse. Regardless, humbling yourself regardless of the consequences is a sign of character. If you value K's friendship, tell her how you feel..tell her you're sorry. It's really that simple.

 

I can't speak for K, but I'd respect that much more. Apologies go a long way toward healing. If she doesn't appreciate the apology, at least you have a clear conscience.

[Beec]

I think that with any apology you might make keep it short and very simple.

 

Just say "I'm sorry what I said was not appropriate." And I might even seek out the guy who is gay to tell him that, and them let her know afterward.

[chai714]

If you decide to apologize, do it now and don't delay.

 

The longer you wait, the less sincere it appears to be. If you decide to not apologize, then just watch your mouth next time.

 

And if you feel people around you are being too sensitive then don't hang around them.

[Honey Pumpkin]

That's a tough one - I know what you mean; there is a tendency in the UK to use the term 'gay' for sensitive/female etc, as a derogatory term. Big hoo-hah in the press about it a little while ago, actually.

 

I think I would talk to your friend quickly, if I were you. Say that it's been on your mind, and that the moment you heard yourself say it you were kicking yourself, and have been ever since. Ask her if she would like you to apologise to her friends, and take your cue from her.

 

I wouldn't worry too much though - I think that in people's lives they have heard worse, and someone who genuinely is upset is absolutely fine. Plus my gay friends DO use that term a lot as well, and much stronger language too - I think you might be worrying a bit too much.

 

Be sincere, talk to your friend, ask her opinion. At the very least, she will go back to her friends about it too.

 

Good luck!

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey Chigal - ya know - I agree with all who said just SAY IT! And say it straight away.

 

But to all who I may offend with this admission- apologies - I use that word a lot too.....

 

 

Its weird, its just so common. I dunno why.

 

I personally don't think it means homosexual. I mean the way I use it.

 

Sort of like back in the Michael Jackson days when people used to say, "that's bad!" to mean really cool....

 

...gay means happy so flip it round all slang style and it means, not so happy.

 

When I personally say, "That's gay" to someone who does something lame, I certainly don't mean, "Oh my goodness, what you did was homosexual and that's a bad thing."

 

And if someone thinks I DO mean that......that's lame.

[LONESOUL]

People say thoughtless things like that all the time (and that is all it was, you just didn't think about offending anyone, you didn't mean harm), I have tougher skin then that, I think most gay or lesbian people do. He most likely just shook it off. I wouldn't make a big deal, the next time I saw them I would try harder not to say that, and continue to be cordial with the guy so he knows you think he's an okay dude, nothing personal...

[chigal28]

Guys, thanks for all of your thoughtful responses. I really appreciate it. I think I will say something to her right away...I was pondering an e-mail, but I think I might call instead. Sometimes things can be misinterpreted over e-mail, and I definitely don't want that. I just want her to know that I know what I said, and I didn't mean it in any negative way. I also really like the suggestions to offer to apologize to her friends....I would definitely do that, if she thinks it would be a good idea, and I'll put that out there.

 

Awdree....had to laugh out loud at the last part of your post.

[CluelessGuy321]

OR you could go the denial route and just pretend that you didn't think you offended anyone, and next time you see K, just tell her she looks gay and chipper. Use the word "gay" a lot in it's old meaning.

 

Examples:

 

"Oh Frank, you are so gay and dandy!"

 

"I feel so gay and giddy today."

 

"I like Marvin Gaye"