Falling out of love

[Robert Smith]

Can somone please tell me what it feels like to fall out of love with someone. I can't quite figure it out. Can you bring the love back to the relationship?

[brando]

it takes two to bring that love back.

 

i read once love is an action, and the more loving two people act toward eachother the stronger love can grow. Most people think it is only a feeling, present in a relationship or not.

 

I disagree about it just being a feeling.

[renaissancewoman101]

From my own experiences, once you fall out of love, that is pretty much the death knell of the relationship. Once you lose the feelings, because of incompatibility and such things like that, it is VERY hard to get those feelings back.

[Lady Bugg]

I agree with Brando...1,000%

[RayKay]

I agree with brando, love is an ACTION, not just a feeling. Loving someone requires you to do more than be a passive participant; hoping the feeling sticks around on it's own by both parties.

 

Sometimes, you need to do the actions, to bring back and reignite the feeling.

 

To receive and feel love you have to GIVE and CREATE love in your relationship.

 

In the long run it requires both parties to be participating in this process, sometimes one of you has to put more into it then the other, but it should never feel one-sided all the time; there needs to be that balance and mutual effort.

[lady00]

I think falling out of love is a lot easier than making a relationship work. Falling out of love entails giving up on a relationship. Sure, sometimes falling out of love is difficult (like when someone you love has left and you can't lose the feeling) but even then the person who still feels the love is actively keeping those feelings alive within themselves. I don't think you can will yourself to fall out of love but with time and distance if that is your goal, I think it will happen. So I agree that love is a series of acts and not just a feeling. Often, once someone decides to not put in the effort anymore or decides a relationship is unhealthy for them, the feeling diminshes as well and gradually goes away.

 

In general, I think emotional health or achieving a particualr emotional state (whether its being in love with someone or moving on) requires a committment on the part of whomever is trying to achieve that state...I don't think it's something that just comes and goes on its own.

[gradle]

someone once told me...the key to a good marriage, is that you both don't fall out of love at the same time...

[Robert Smith]

Ok, I agree is takes action by both parties to keep the love alive. Was there ever a time where you felt that you were numb to the whole situation? Maybe it's beacuse you had allot of difficult times in the past, maybe you find that as the relationship and years go by that you (2) have grown apart, (because of the kids, etc.) maybe you are looking at a mid-life crises that says to you "what the heck am I doing with my life". As other people in this forum read this I need to know how you figured it all out.

[ghost69]

it might feel like you aren't in love. it could just be that you are so comfortable with someone that you forget you are in love. you may be so compatible that you don't notice the term love anymore. you are complete.

.....................................................................................................................................................................................

[mom-of-3]

I have been marrried 21 yrs. Got married at 17 yrs.old, now 38. I feel my husband is at that point now (mid-life). Mostly because of $ problems. We can never seem to catch up.We have 13, 15, & 20 year old. children. Neither is a big spender so we can't put blame on that. I am in very good shape, but have several flawes I feel he can't overcome, stretch marks,not normal nipples. We just don't discuss them and we hide which is very unhealthy. Sorry to have gotten off track--- everytime I feel he is out of love w/ me I let God help. And everytime I feel like I am getting frustrated about how I feel, again I ask God to help. He is incredible. He has been there for 21 yrs. & turned things around for us. I need his help this week as well, as my husband is down about where we are in life. I hope you can think long and hard and ask for HIS help before you give up. Take care. The grass isn't always greener w/ someone else either.

[michie]

I've been married for 11 years, mid 30's and have an elementary age child. Like mom-of-3 above my husband is having money problems also. I have a steady job and enjoy it but our combined income in the bay area is still not enough and has clearly affected our marriage. For example he spent hours over the past few days working on taxes looking for just one more deduction but could have ignored the deduction because the value of it wasn't worth all of the time he put in. Even better he could have spent the time having pillow talk with me and working on our relationship. I think we fell out of love years ago when it was hinted that he may be cheating on me. I was told not to trust him years ago but have never caught him doing anything and now I catch myself imagining what it would be like with other men. What would a relationship include, if my marriage would stay until my son is 18 and I could have a lover. Unlike mom-of-3 I have a fairly normal body and I think I'm considered attractive because of my profile position at work.

Ok, I agree is takes action by both parties to keep the love alive. Was there ever a time where you felt that you were numb to the whole situation? Maybe it's beacuse you had allot of difficult times in the past, maybe you find that as the relationship and years go by that you (2) have grown apart, (because of the kids, etc.) maybe you are looking at a mid-life crises that says to you "what the heck am I doing with my life". As other people in this forum read this I need to know how you figured it all out.

Yes, I have felt numb and feel like that now. But neither of us are attempting and when we do our conversation turns into him shutting me out. I've already faced it is over but our 10 year old has to have a father in her life. I too needed to know what is going on in my life and figured it out. We simply are not in love anymore. Even if we separated I would still care for him but I also know there is no turning back.

[sister8]

Can somone please tell me what it feels like to fall out of love with someone. I can't quite figure it out. Can you bring the love back to the relationship?

I think you'll fall in and out of love a thousand times if you stay married long enough....I don't think most people realize that and just figure when its gone its gone and move on....its not true though....there have been times when I've just loved my husband and vice versa but when theres nobody else and I need someone and he's there for me and I know he'll always be there.... I fall in love with him all over again....