Strength or Weakness?

[Iceman26]

I have read various threads over the past two years about people who have been cheated on and stayed together with their partner that cheated on them.

 

Though it is not my place to judge, I can't help but think that they are weak because I view a person that stays with their cheating partner as not valuing themselves.

 

After I think that, I start to doubt my own line of thinking and wonder if perhaps the person that was cheated on and stays with their partner is actually stronger, because they love the person that cheated so much that they are able to look past what happened, forgive them, work on what caused the problem and move on.

 

Maybe it has nothing to do with strength or weakness after all. I don't know.

 

What are your thoughts?

[chigal28]

I think it completely depends on the circumstances surrounding the cheating, and I also think it depends on *why* the person who was cheated on stays with their partner. If someone has been cheated on multiple times and decides to look the other way, it's easy to look at the situation and label that person "weak." I know people who say they don't respect Hillary Clinton at all because she "stood by her man."

 

But this is such a complicated issue--I'm not sure there's any way to make it cut and dried/black and white, honestly. I also think only the person who was cheated on can weigh all the options and decide what's best for them.

 

By the way iceman...while I certainly respect your opinion, I can't respect your avatar. Not right now.

[TiredMan]

My feeling is that if someone cheats, that is it. How strongly I feel about it depends on how much I care about the person and how long we have been together.

 

If I am with someone for 15 years and am good to hear and she cheats just because some guy approached her? Honestly? She could be kidnapped and killed and I honestly would not care anymore lol.

 

Maybe I am weak or strong lol.

 

On the other hand if someone cheats because their SO is just not caring about them at all or mistreating them, then while it's better to leave, it's more understandible than the above example, in my eyes. I could see someone forgiving there.

 

Oh and Lets go Colts!

[Iceman26]

 

But this is such a complicated issue--I'm not sure there's any way to make it cut and dried/black and white, honestly. I also think only the person who was cheated on can weigh all the options and decide what's best for them.

 

By the way iceman...while I certainly respect your opinion, I can't respect your avatar. Not right now.

 

That is kind of the way I feel too. To me it used to be a really cut and dry issue, but after reading some of these threads I wonder if my thinking has been shortsighted. I think you are right, that it is up to the person that was cheated on.

 

Hahaha. You know what is tough for me? The Bears are my second favorite team. The Colts are my favorite in the AFC (I was born in Indianapolis) and the Bears are my favorite team in the NFC (my whole family is from Chicago).

[Iceman26]

My feeling is that if someone cheats, that is it. How strongly I feel about it depends on how much I care about the person and how long we have been together.

 

Oh and Lets go Colts!

 

I agree. It isn't that I couldn't forgive or that I would stop loving, I just couldn't forget what happened.

 

That's right man! Should be a great game!

[chigal28]

 

Hahaha. You know what is tough for me? The Bears are my second favorite team. The Colts are my favorite in the AFC (I was born in Indianapolis) and the Bears are my favorite team in the NFC (my whole family is from Chicago).

 

Yikes, that IS tough!! Though I guess you could kinda be happy with either outcome...

[Iceman26]

Yeah, ill be happy no matter who wins, but of course I am leaning towards Indy because I have followed them since I was 6 years old and had to watch them stink on ice for a long time until they got where they are today.

[Northalius]

Strength is involved if it goes either way. Sometimes it's easier to leave, but other times it's easier to stay. It really depends on the situation. The main issue is: trust

 

If someone knew for a fact the person would never do it again, and was 100% sincerely sorry for what they did? Then that would be a good thing. I'd consider staying with the cheater then... but again, depending!

 

However, there are no definites in this world! Even though some people do change for the better, I'm not one to wait around and give them more of my time to see if it actually comes true.

 

The trust issue is huge then, after you know your partner cheated, and there are no definites there after. Can you seriously deal with your mind always wondering whether he/she is doing it yet again? Does your partner simply act sincere, but laugh behind your back, seeing how you took them back after they committed the ultimate relationship crime? Who'll ever know for sure? Thus, I don't take chances.

[fortywhatever]

I had an affair. I got weak. I got enough strength to tell my husband and we worked thru it. He and I both admit fault of things in our marriage. We are okay. I on the other hand struggle with not having enough strength ( or whatever I need) to forgive myself and let it go.

[TiredMan]

I had an affair. I got weak. I got enough strength to tell my husband and we worked thru it. He and I both admit fault of things in our marriage. We are okay. I on the other hand struggle with not having enough strength ( or whatever I need) to forgive myself and let it go.

 

Would you have the strength to forgive for having an affair on you now?

[fortywhatever]

Would you have the strength to forgive for having an affair on you now?

 

I don't know, I can't answer that honestly.

[yeawutever]

I think it's a case by case stuff. It depends on how serious was the cheating, how many times it was, what was/were the reason/s, the person who got cheated on and the one who did the cheating. Then finally it also depends on whether the cheater confess his/her deed or did they get caught.

Personally I would never take back someone who cheated on me. It would be over for my b/f and I expect the same response if I were to do it.

 

To the poster: If hypothetically speaking my b/f were to cheat and I were foolish enough to take him back that would be like saying within myself "Oh well maybe I'm not so worthy at all" or "Oh I don't wanna be alone". When in fact I know I deserve a way better treatment than that, I don't deserve to be with someone that replaced me. That's like saying "Oh well I don't want to be with you anyone and you're not important.

[Day_Walker]

I do not think that it has to do with being weak or strong, It has to do with emotions. The person who was cheated on feels that they feel strong enough for the other person that it does not matter what they did because they actually believe that this person is "the one" and they will never find another like it. I dont believe that this is a reasonable assumption but it what they believe.

[ImThatGirl]

I know alot of people that would immediately respond:

"If you go back to the cheater, you don't respect yourself."

 

I agree it should be case by case.

 

I know at least one man that will always cheat on his wife. Already divorced once (due to cheating) and now cheats on his new wife. They say once a cheater always a cheater. I think that's true for some people that have to have a constant reassurance that they are a great catch and the adrenaline that comes along with it.

 

I also know a woman that has cheated on her husband for years. Do I think it's okay, no? But I know that it started because of severe psychological pain caused by rejection and such by her husband. She felt like a waste and unwanted. She reached out to find anyone, anyone to show her that love and desire. She knows what she's done is wrong. She loves her husband.

 

So - I think that cheating is terrible. But I do think that the strongest of couple can overcome it depending on the circumstances. I think if I was married for years and my husband cheated, I'd try to work through it rather than walking. Cheating isn't necessarily a dealbreaker for me. Continuous cheating however, is.

[luvursmile]

I think the person who was cheated on is stronger IF the cheating partner is truly sorry and want to work things out. There is usually a breakdown in the relationship that causes one to stray (not saying it's right, but it is usually teh root cause).

 

I have great admiration for a person that would stick around and give their partner another chance. I know I would have if my ex cheated on me. She didn't, but I know I would have.

 

Now, if the cheating partner is just a lying cheat who doesn't recognize his/her faults and will continue to do it, I think the person being cheated on would be very weak (insecure) to hold onto someone like that

 

Well said, Camber!

[lostinwilderness]

I think a lot of people say "If my Significant other ever cheated on me, that would be it. I would never take him or her back." In that context it is easy to see that anyone who would take someone back after an affair is weak.

 

I can understand that viewpoint (I once had it myself), but I think it is far too simplistic. Until you are faced with the reality of that situation, I do not think anyone can know what they would (or should) do.

 

In my experience and posts on this board I have seen people too weak to stay and too weak to leave. I have also seen people strong enough to stay and strong enough to leave.

 

I find myself applauding and looking up to as many people who stay as leave. There is no way to make one general statement that will cover it all.

[JoeWho]

I agree 100%. Its not black and white and every situation is different.

[yeawutever]

Point is cheating is childish. Come to think about it not only will it hurt your partner but, in a way, you're degrading yourself by cheating, degrading every single value/morals you had.