betrayedgirl Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 I feel so inexperienced in the dating area because I have had only two long term relationships... from 1984 to 1993, met another guy and dropped the 1st guy I was with for him and stayed with him 1993 to 2001. I coped with the breakups pretty well because they were inevitable. Now I have had several short relationships ... learning about dating, experiencing heartbreaks, either one of us dumps one other, not knowing when break up was coming, etc. etc. Like, I learned that some people don't like certain things about one other... Exactly what is inexperienced? I'm 40 and still have lots to learn... the worst part of dating is heartbreak. I know it is right to break up in person which I have experienced and done. I would never break up with someone via email. I was dumped last summer via email and that truly hurt. This is why I hate dating, but I guess its about taking risks and finding the right person. Hope my post makes sense...... Link to comment
iwishiknew Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 I am also inexperienced in dating..I have been out with a few girls, nothing serious at all..To me its lack of experience..I don't have alot of dating experience or relationship experience at all..Sometimes I don't have much to say and can't keep a conversations all the time..But I am a fun outgoing guy..I think the more dating experience you have the easier it is to have dates and relationships all the time Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 I think being inexperienced with dating means not having developed the thick skin necessary when you go on a lot of dates with different people and risk rejection -- I developed the thick skin and the social skills so that I think I opened up enough on a first date to let the person know what I was about but not so much that I spilled my guts and overwhelmed the person. Link to comment
quietgrl Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 I'm not experience in dating because i never been out on one date with a man or had one boyfriend ever in my life.I'm probably going to be alone for the rest of my life because the dating scene is about playing games and i'm not a game player. Link to comment
charley Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 I'm inexperienced at having good dates. Haven't had to many of those. Link to comment
friscodj Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 I'm 40 and still have lots to learn... I think we all have a lot to learn... Instead of focusing on what you don't have, focus on what you do have. You have freedom to make choices in situations that arise. That is true whether you consider yourself to be "experienced" or not. Do the best you can, with what you have, when you have it. That's all you can do and thats all anyone can ask of themselves... Go out, meet people, live life, and don't worry so much! Link to comment
BetterKarma Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Don't see a date as a "DATE." View it as hanging out with one of your friends. Don't put too much pressure on yourself and just let the evening take its course. And never go into a date or relationship thinking about how the person will dump you. Wrong frame of mind. And even if they so, no big deal, brush yourself off and start over again. Don't let the unknown intimidate you. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Don't see a date as a "DATE." View it as hanging out with one of your friends. Don't put too much pressure on yourself and just let the evening take its course. And never go into a date or relationship thinking about how the person will dump you. Wrong frame of mind. And even if they so, no big deal, brush yourself off and start over again. Don't let the unknown intimidate you. For me, since I dated for the purpose of seeing if the person is a potential marriage partner (although I have now been with the same man for about 1.5 years) I of course did my best to relax and have a good time - but with my focus on listening carefully to what he said, what he asked me, how he treated waitstaff, how he talked about his family and friends, how he treated me, body language, etc. I kept the conversation casual and/or let him do most of the choosing of topics, intensity, etc but I was always listening and observing carefully. It was not at all like hanging out with my friends and if I had not been focused on what was important to look for, it would have taken longer for me to figure out whether to see this person again. For example, one man shared on the second date how he wanted to hit someone on the bus who had made a comment about what he was eating. With a friend I might have laughed it off - with this man I took note of it and wondered whether he had an anger problem. I do believe you go into it with no expectations about whether there will be another date but if you do have little free time, it's good to go into it with a focused approach (internally - externally I agree you need to be lighthearted, casual, etc(. Link to comment
DN Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Moderator Note Please keep this thread on topic about betrayedgirls' specific question. Link to comment
zerohalo Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 I'm massively inexperienced at dating, so I know what you're talking about. The whole idea of the dating 'game' is abhorrent to me. One of my buddies put it pretty well, when you stop looking for someone that's when you usually find them. But honestly, it is a balancing act between showing enough of your true self to the other person to attract them, but not send them off running and screaming. I've got it down to the point where they still run, but at least they stop screaming while they do it. Link to comment
quietgrl Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 Moderator Note Please keep this thread on topic about betrayedgirls' specific question. you mean like how the "women, what country are you from?" thread went off topic Link to comment
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