Is he the one?

[rthiaugpuf]

How do you know if he's "the one".

 

I think most people would say, "you just know"! I know thats what I would have said. I just knew he was the one. When our eyes first met, time slowed and eveything. It was truly an amazing experience!!!

 

But does "the one" mean forever? I thought so, but im not so sure. This same guy I thought was "the one" now seems like, I dont know, just not "the one" anymore. Yet I cant picture myself with anyone else. Im not even attracted to anyone else.

 

I guess whats making him seem less appealing to me is some of his less desirable qualities. Hes always just short of being in debt. It scares me alot. He just canot save money! Theres always something he has to run out and buy! Most of the time its on me!

 

His breath really stinks! It makes me sad, because hes so kissy-kissy with me, and half the time I cant even enjoy it because his breath smells so much, I swear last time we kissed I felt like I might throw up, and ever time I backed away he just tried to kiss me more, and for longer, and the only way I could stop myself from insulting him by puking is to start laughing! Hes not very clean ussually. Unless I tell him to shower, he wont, and I know when were not together he showers about twice a week.

 

Its funny because when we first met, none of these problems seemed to exist! Now its all I can think about. I still love this man, but I dont want to spend the rest of my life with someone who only bathes when i tell him too, and cant keep more than $300 in his savings without spending it all on some dumb video games or something!

 

By the way, evey problem I have mentioned, I have talked to him about, and he does fix them, but not on his own, its only when I complain about it, then he does something about it.

 

I guess Im just afraid if all these negative attributes keep showing, im going to fall out of love with him, and hes still wildy in love with me! I love him, I really do, but is something like bad heigene reason for thinking hes not Mr. Right anymore?

[EvaGina]

There is no such thing as "the one"

its over romantisised, idealistic codswallop...

 

You will find someone you love just as much, so just ask if you think its worth it or not, your obviously not happy.

[Kevin T]

'The One' exists, if you believe it does. It carries meaning as long as you believe it does.

 

As for the hygiene part, give him breath mints or gum. Oh yes, and a bar of soap. Sounds like he needs it.

[brando]

Well if you are asking if a person is "the one", then chances are they probably aren't.

 

The problem with believing their is "the one" is that one may want to try to fit a square peg in a round hole.

[Batya33]

The "just know" is true for some and not for all - and it doesn't mean your relationship is better if you "just know" v. you went through a decision making heart/head process. I suggest you read A Fine Romance by Judith Sills. Often people say they "just know" in the beginning because they don't really "know" the person, they're just totally smitten and overlook flaws and issues that might prove later to be totally resolvable, but will involve more than "just knowing."

 

It's much easier to "just know" because then you don't have to make a decision - you feel like it's made for you - but the people who go through the decisionmking process and then commit might - just might - have a more solid foundation later on if problems come up because they will have gone in to the decision with a bit more clarity.

[Kalika]

His problems definitely sound like they'd be deal breakers for a lot of women. But if you really love him, there are ways to get around some of the things you mentioned..

 

Ask him to start working on a budget, to save money. Make it known that you are considering some of the things he's doing as deal breakers (ie spending too much, etc..) .. .as far as the showering thing, well, hop on in there with him and I'm sure he won't be so reluctant to do it anymore!