Not Number 1?

[Amore]

Is it unreasonable to expect to be the number 1 priority in your S.O's life?

 

I have always placed my relationships as the most important thing to me, but I don't think I've ever gotten that back.

 

Of course, I still have a life... that's very important in a relationship. I have other interests and hobbies, I spend a lot of time with friends and family, I dedicated a lot of time into my job (before it went out of business), and I put a lot of effort into being a straight-A student, but my boyfriend always matters more to me than anything else. Is this wrong?

 

My ex used to routinely say how there were a good 5-6 things in his life that mattered more to him than me: work, soccer, video games, working out, family, school, etc. My current boyfriend tells me that his job, science olympiads, and video games are more important.

 

Am I just being a crazy, obsessive girlfriend, or is a relationship supposed to be this way?

[musicguy]

with the exception of family, in my eyes I think that my significant other would be up there on the list

[Suesser Tod]

Videogames more important than a girlfriend??? LOL, the day you can have sex with an XBOX I would understand it, lol!

 

No, seriously, you're only 17. Don't take those relationships too seriously, as there is a whole lot ahead of you. By the way, try dating more mature people.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I understand things like family or school, but video games. If a guy placed me below video games I'd walk.

[Amore]

No, seriously, you're only 17. Don't take those relationships too seriously, as there is a whole lot ahead of you. By the way, try dating more mature people.

 

That's my problem right there... I take relationships too seriously.

 

 

I understand things like family or school, but video games. If a guy placed me below video games I'd walk.

 

Of course, family/school always comes first, for me as well. (I guess I shouldn't have included those in my posts.) I was talking more about hobbies (damn those video games!)

 

Although the video game bit has gotten a lot better lately, it's mainly the science olympiad thing. I'm in it as well and we're partners for pretty much all the events but I wouldn't ever dream about putting a one-time event before him >.

[itsallgrand]

Eahhh.

 

Well, I dunno. 17, you are dating boys. Personally, I didn't take boy-girl relationships seriously at that age. Not that it isn't normal to have a huge interest in it, and to want it, but seriously, who has time to be devoted to a partner when there is so much to do?

 

Consider it dating, and if you it bugs you to date a guy who has such a profound devotion to video games, part with a smile on your face and see who else you like.

[Amore]

Eahhh.

 

Well, I dunno. 17, you are dating boys. Personally, I didn't take boy-girl relationships seriously at that age. Not that it isn't normal to have a huge interest in it, and to want it, but seriously, who has time to be devoted to a partner when there is so much to do?

 

Consider it dating, and if you it bugs you to date a guy who has such a profound devotion to video games, part with a smile on your face and see who else you like.

 

Boys are so confusing though! My boyfriend tells me how he wants to marry me and have a family together and I'm so naive that I believe it o__o;

 

I don't want to break up, I just want to care about him less.

[musicguy]

Hobbies are fun to have, but he should prioritize the important things in his life, since he' your age or closer to your age, his hobbies will be pretty impt to him

[Amore]

I don't really expect him to make me number 1 again, I just wish I cared about my hobbies more than him, then this wouldn't be an issue.

 

I'm so frustrated trying to find something to care about more than him.

[CarnelianButterfly]

What events are you in Science O? I did that too in HS and it was time consuming. I didn't have a BF at the time, but I was at a point in my life where he probably would have been back burner anyway.

 

I ramble, any way the point being, you're young, they're young, dating at this time of life isn't always a long term issue. Enjoy being with them when you can, don't put too much stress into it and have fun. You are only young once and do you really think this is the person you will marry?

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

Boys are so confusing though! My boyfriend tells me how he wants to marry me and have a family together and I'm so naive that I believe it o__o;

 

I don't want to break up, I just want to care about him less.

 

Stop believing it. Of course he says that, and he probably means it right now. Five ten years from now, a lot will change in both of your lives, why be tied down. At 17 he's way way way way way too young to understand what that kind of commitment means.

 

I think you should put more effort into your hobbies. Spend more time with your friends and family and people that you enjoy being with. Don't break plans or keep nights open to be with him, just in case. Go out, have fun! I'll let you in on a little secret, if you start reducing the amount of attention you give him, and focus on things that you like, chances are he will start following you around. It's classic peruser/evader behaviour, just change your role to be the evader.

[Amore]

What events are you in Science O? I did that too in HS and it was time consuming. I didn't have a BF at the time, but I was at a point in my life where he probably would have been back burner anyway.

 

My boyfriend and I split all the engineering/building events. Yes, they take a lot of time and I really enjoy it but it's been a recurring problem where he forgets to call, hangs up on me early, and shows up late to dates because he's so obsessed with the events. And it makes me feel terrible because I have the same responsibilities for the team but I don't blow him off for them.

 

Stop believing it. Of course he says that, and he probably means it right now. Five ten years from now, a lot will change in both of your lives, why be tied down. At 17 he's way way way way way too young to understand what that kind of commitment means.

 

I think you should put more effort into your hobbies. Spend more time with your friends and family and people that you enjoy being with. Don't break plans or keep nights open to be with him, just in case. Go out, have fun! I'll let you in on a little secret, if you start reducing the amount of attention you give him, and focus on things that you like, chances are he will start following you around. It's classic peruser/evader behaviour, just change your role to be the evader.

 

People have been telling me that for ages, but for some reason, what you just said finally clicked with me. Thanks

[Daligal83]

Everyone here has given you great advice. I just wanted to add in that while I think the video game thing is ridiculous, I can understand the science olympiad thing. He's made a commitment to be a part of that group and shouldn't have to go back on that. Unless it was something extremely important like your birthday or you're really sick...he should be able to fulfill that commitment.

[Daligal83]

I just read that last post you made..and that behavior isn't OK. If he has something to do for Science Olympiad, you should both agree on dates that don't coincide or to talk once he's done. Or if you call while he's in the middle of something then he could say that he'll call you when he's done. Hanging up on you, however, is not OK. Have you discussed this behavior with him?

[Amore]

I talked about it to him today (after he showed up late because of it) and he basically said that Science Olympiads is, and will be, more important than me, but it will end eventually.

 

Which is completely understandable, but after this obsession, it'll just be something else. Just like he was obsessed with video games before.

 

He tells me that he has "obsession cycles" where he always has to be obsessed with something. I'm afraid that I fell in love with him when he was obsessed with me, but that "cycle" is now over.

 

I've expressed this to him but he said that "just because I'm obsessed with other things doesn't mean that I don't love you."

 

I guess that makes sense. I just feel needy/clingy now though.

[Boughs]

Video Games can be addictive to the point where you forget the importance of things... its like a drug in that it alters your state of mind while playing... hard habit to break.

 

So what I'm saying is, he is on drugs saying that... walk.

[Amore]

Video Games can be addictive to the point where you forget the importance of things... its like a drug in that it alters your state of mind while playing... hard habit to break.

 

So what I'm saying is, he is on drugs saying that... walk.

 

I actually did my "senior paper" (a project that all our hs seniors are required to do) on video game addiction.

 

It got him to stop for a while, at least some of the games he used to play.

 

But he still plays Warcraft, and there's the whole Science Olympiads ordeal.

[musicguy]

give him an ultimatum

[Amore]

give him an ultimatum

 

I did, I just got off the phone with him.

 

He cried for a while and then said that he'll make a decision tomorrow.

 

*is a mess*

[musicguy]

well, he's the one that has to make the choice on what's more important to him, his games or his girl. His games will still be there, but you probably won't be there

[valiantv]

Hang on a sec!

 

Am I the only one thinking that it's a bit stupid to be ranking all your activities' importance like that?! The only reason to decide whether something is more important than another is if you have to give up one for the other! Do you ask your boyfriends where you rank in order of importance? Just wondering because it seems like a strange type of info for a guy to volunteer.

 

She is very important to me. Work is very important to me. I can't imagine a situation where I would have to choose my job or her, so that's enough to know for now. (She is understanding that at certain times of the day I have to work and so can't be with her - just like I am about her studying). Same should go for a Science Olympiad (whatever that is).

 

(Though, video games?... hmmm...)