Acting like it didnt happen

[JoJo90814]

got in a huge emotional fight with my best friend about two months ago. She betrayed me by telling (verbatim) my sister some really personal stuff that I vented to her about. Now some time has passed and Ive been thinking a lot about bringing her into my life again because I do really love her. Today I got an email from her acting like nothing had happen. It said, "how are you? Everythings the same but I have some great gossip to tell you! Call me!" I found that to be so odd. Its like she forgot how hurt I was or just wants to pretend it never happened. I am stumped on how I should deal with it or what to write her back.

 

HELP!

[gfein347]

You don't specify from your original post if you've talked to your friend about this or not. Have you told her that you felt betrayed?

 

If not, I'd recommend doing that first before deciding if you still want her in your life.

[DN]

I find it interesting that she e-mails to tell you she has some great gossip to tell you when that is exactly the issue that you have with her in the first place.

[Honey Pumpkin]

found that to be so odd. Its like she forgot how hurt I was or just wants to pretend it never happened. I am stumped on how I should deal with it or what to write her back.

 

Hmmm. I have been in this situation myself in the past. And the friend I fell out with for treating me really badly tried to gloss over the past and pretend things hadn't happened.

 

What I did, was arrange to meet her for a drink - just a quick email to say 'I'd like to meet up to talk through things...'. I calmly talked through all my issues with my friend, and made it clear how hurt and upset I had been. It worked really well, because she got the message and I could get past it. Maybe that would work for you? To talk to her and acknowledge there has been this huge problem between you, and work through it together.

 

I wouldn't sweep it under the carpet though - I know that's the easy option for your friend! But sometimes you have to deal with the tricky stuff, and it's good practice to be clear and open and direct. And then if you are still on good terms and have worked out the way forward, you know you have a friendship worth protection and preserving.

 

Good luck!

[pinkelephant]

my bestfriend and i had this before. except, i was the betrayer.

we didn't talk for about a year, but after that, she still cares about me and emailed me and asked how i was months later. we still aren't as close as before. it's a shame. we don't talk about what happened, she knows i'm sorry though.

 

talking about it won't solve much. but if that would make you feel better, then sure. chances are, your friend knows what a retard she had been.

[JoJo90814]

I do think it is very important to talk things through and I do think it changes everything. If you dont talk about it then its like its ok. It would be like saying that she can just betray me and gt away with it.

 

I did tell her a few months ago that I felt very betrayed and she said she did nothing to betray me- that she was trying to help me. I got upset that she saw it that way and I havent talked to her since. Then I got the email acting as if nothing had happened- showing me that she still feels like she did nothing wrong and brushes my feeling aside.

 

Anyway I wrote her telling her that I thought it was odd that she sent me that email as if nothing had happened and that I have really been in a lot of pain over it. If she wants to talk it through Id be willing to talk and I left the ball in her court.

 

I just know that our friendship is going to be way different- that I cant trust her or confide in her about my frustrations with my sister or anything for that matter.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Well done JoJo for standing up for yourself and being upfront and honest - that's really good. I hope that things work out well with your friend, but at least you haven't just pretended that things were okay and opted for an easy life!

 

Take care.

[pinkelephant]

Well, in my opinion, people don't want to be reminded that they did you wrong. I know that when you're angry, you want them to suffer guilt and all that. But just remember that guilt is very strong and will act as a barrier in your friendship.

 

No doubt, some talk is good. My bestfriend told me right away how betrayed she felt. I still feel very bad for breaking her trust. But what done is done, I can't take it back now. If she were your bestfriend, believe me, she suffered just as much as you did.

 

Each to their own, I guess.

[mitch17]

the gossip could be she bas a boyfriend? take that in mind