Men and their ability to have a relationship

[emilykay15]

Why do some guys only want to be friends with benefits with their female friends? Is it because they're either too busy, emotionally challenged, or maybe just not interested enough in the girl to have a relationship with her? What if the girl were to hold out from being friends with benefits with the guy, would that make him value her more as a person and want to pursue a relationship with her? Provided that they do have good chemistry and compatibility beyond just a physical attraction. All inputs are welcomed, especially the guys on this board.

[Kevin T]

Well, he can't respect you less, if you hold out on the "friends with benefits" thing. And if, somehow, he did manage to think less of you, he is definitely not worth your time.

 

I imagine most men who don't want a relationship feel that way because they either fear commitment or don't want commitment, or maybe they like being able to be "friends" (with benefits) to many different girls at once. Some guys can be real pigs, unfortunately.

[renaissancewoman101]

I think guys want FWB because they don't look at that particular girl as long term relationship material, but they are also attracted to the girl so they take what they can get without having to commit themselves to something. Guys also like and treasure something more if they have to "work" for it, than if it was handed to them for free. So, if you refuse to engage in a FWB, you can drive up your value quite significantly (I know that sounds like a bit of game playing). Most guys also look at a lady who "gives it up too easily", as loose and probably someone who gives it up easily to other guys.

[Scotcha]

I guess the general reply would be that some people are able to separate sex and feelings and other people are not.

 

And after a conversation with my boyfriend I learned the following:

 

If I had slept with him before we were official he would have put me in the "friends with benefits" category... He also said that after that it still would have been possible for him to reconsider me (or anyone really) as a potential girlfriend but it would be a lot less likely to even happen and if it did it would take a lot longer for him to make it offical too.

 

I'm not sure if a lot of guys feel this way or not but from my own experience it doesn't seem too far fetched.

[emilykay15]

So other than refusing to engage in a FWB situation with the guy, are there other things a girl can do to make him more interested in having a relationship with her? Granted that they do have the emotional groundworks for a relationship (for example, compatibility, chemistry, same sense of humor,...) I guess I'm asking whether it's possible to ever make that type of guy care for the girl emotionally enough to have a relationship with her, or is it something he either feels or not? How much of this has to do with the girl, and how much of it is just his own issues playing themselves out.

[Kevin T]

So other than refusing to engage in a FWB situation with the guy, are there other things a girl can do to make him more interested in having a relationship with her? Granted that they do have the emotional groundworks for a relationship (for example, compatibility, chemistry, same sense of humor,...) I guess I'm asking whether it's possible to ever make that type of guy care for the girl emotionally enough to have a relationship with her, or is it something he either feels or not? How much of this has to do with the girl, and how much of it is just his own issues playing themselves out.

 

You can't "make" another person feel a certain way about you. All you can is be yourself and see if he takes to you. And even if you could somehow make someone fall for you, would that really make you happy? I think it's best when others accept us for who we are freely, rather than by manipulation or otherwise.

[renaissancewoman101]

In a way dating is kind of like a "seduction" where we put our best foot forward and doing some time of mating dance/ritual to show the guy/girl that we are worthy of having a relationship with. So, Kevin, in a way, we all hide parts of ourselves and preen parts of ourselves to attract someone, esp someone WE are attracted TO.

[Batya33]

I have succeeded in men increasing their respect for me because I refused to have sex outside of an exclusive, committed relationship and at times developing real feelings for me. I believe the men who say they want "fwb" - really want sex with no strings and they call it "fwb" so that they don't have to seem crass in what they want.

 

I dated one man for 4-5 months who after 6 weeks wanted to be able to date others and have sex with me, and have had many men call me for subsequent dates where I said no to going further physically. However, all the men I've been seriously involved (and who have proposed marriage) with let me set the pace of when I was comfortable being more intimate/having sex. I have seen men start off as wanting casual sex only and then their feelings deepen if the woman says no but you have to be careful that the deeper feelings are not just because the woman is then more of a "challenge."

 

Here is what I have done - I carry myself with self-respect, I don't "hang out and hook up" with men I want a relationship with and if a man were to start down the path of wanting sex with no strings, I would simply say "sorry, that's not something I'm looking for/am comfortable with but if you ever change your mind feel free to contact me and if I am still interested and available I will consider it."

 

One man did actually - over a month later - I can't tell you whether that would have worked out because by the time he called I was involved with someone else.

 

So, yes, it is possible but your best bet is a man who wouldn't be interested in asking some woman to have sex with no strings attached -- whether he had feelings for her at the time or not.

[terk2021]

Why do some guys only want to be friends with benefits with their female friends? Is it because they're either too busy, emotionally challenged, or maybe just not interested enough in the girl to have a relationship with her? What if the girl were to hold out from being friends with benefits with the guy, would that make him value her more as a person and want to pursue a relationship with her? Provided that they do have good chemistry and compatibility beyond just a physical attraction. All inputs are welcomed, especially the guys on this board.

 

GREAT QUESTION!!! 1st off, I would like to say that in general, women mature more than men at an earlier age. I used to be that type of guy. I can't say for all men, but for most, we wake up one day realizing that there is so much more to life than money, golf, and bragging rights, and a career...

 

I guess it really comes down to finding the right guy at the right time. For me, I ended relationships in my mid to late 20s because I simply was not ready for commitment. I don't think men in general are necessarily afraid of commitment, it's a question of them being ready for it...

[annie24]

You can't "make" another person feel a certain way about you. All you can is be yourself and see if he takes to you. And even if you could somehow make someone fall for you, would that really make you happy? I think it's best when others accept us for who we are freely, rather than by manipulation or otherwise.

 

I agree. That said, I wouldn't enter a sexual relationship unless we were exclusive. (unless I just wanted to fool around, and didn't want a relationship.) This is all from my personal experiences. you can't make someone like you. And if someone is good enough to tell you the truth that they aren't looking for a relationship, believe them! don't try to change their outlook. They will one day when they are ready and willing, probably years down the road, and probably not with the person they just told they didn't want a relationship to.

[Dako]

I don't think you can enter a casual relationship with or without sex, and then turn it into a serious relationship just by the will of one person.

[Goblin]

The reason why people have conflicts and get hurt in relationships is because too much and too fast of things.

 

Eventually when you get tired of seducing or 'manipulating' the person, your true colors are revealed and the other person will start asking "Hey he/shes changed! This is not the person I want to be with!"

 

So the best thing to do when u want to be in a relationship is just be yourself. If youre an introvert, just continue being yourself, dont have to force sweet lovely words out if you dont mean it to attract the person. You dont have to act pretty or confident and big thing going on w you to attract people.

 

If you dare to be yourself, there will be no fears in the right person for you come to you.

 

 

And relationship that starts with intimacy can be disastrous. It is the matters of the heart, not anywhere else...

 

Get real.