online dating...getting on the phone

[Jian]

Hello

 

I recently started on line dating, I not only do this but I decided to expand my opportunities.

 

However I have a problem, I don't have much trouble getting reply from the ladies I emails, however within the last 2 months, I chatted with 3 girls and so far only one of them asked for a phone conversation.

 

I personally don't like chatting much and I always propose a phone conversation but i only get the Will See answer. When I chat I'm never the one who initiate the conversation, I always wait until the do and I chatted many times with the same girls (like 3 or 4 times), always initiated by her. But they never agree or even suggest to move on the phone.

 

I'm wondering if im coming too strong suggesting it almost each time at the end of a chat. How do you people move from email or chat to phone. I usually also suggest to give my phone number.

 

Should I suggest a face to face meeting before a phone conversation.

 

Thanks in advance for the replies!

[hosswhispra]

I'm wondering if im coming too strong suggesting it almost each time at the end of a chat. How do you people move from email or chat to phone. I usually also suggest to give my phone number.

 

Should I suggest a face to face meeting before a phone conversation.

 

After exchanging a few emails, ask for the girls's number and call her. There are some females who are/were raised with traditional values--even though it's the 21st century--and they will wait for the guy to make the move.

[fnlyfrei]

I online dated for a year or so...I did not like anyone asking for "phone" right away either...it's kind of creepy until you have had several conversations. I actually preferred IM at first. Then before a face to face, yes, a phone conversation. I met the man I am probably going to marry there this past September. I hope you are as lucky as I was. You meet alot of people who arent right..but eventually...it will happen !

[Batya33]

I met over 100 men in person when I did on line dating. I never went past two emails - maybe three, and if at that point they did not agree to talk by phone I moved on. Most agreed to talk by phone. I did not want an email pen pal or to correspond with someone who was not serious about meeting in person ASAP. I only corresponded with men who listed their relationship goals as "marriage and children" so that might be why they were more willing to speak on the phone and meet ASAP.

[hosswhispra]

I only corresponded with men who listed their relationship goals as "marriage and children" so that might be why they were more willing to speak on the phone and meet ASAP.

 

Just curious, Batya33--what sites were you on? I rarely see marriage and children as relationship goals in the profiles I have seen.....interesting.....

[Batya33]

One site was link removed, the other was specific to my ethnic background. I always wanted to talk on the phone ASAP because it was far easier to screen out the ones I did not want to meet - on IM and email there was always time to think of a response before typing, some people are much more articulate in writing than in person (and the latter is essential to me - that he be very articulate in person) and often people have a different persona when they type as opposed to when they talk.

[hosswhispra]

I am not a fan of match--they should call it link removed or link removed....Eww..I know that must sound jaded but that's what I have noticed........

[lizziebee]

It was very important to me to speak to the 3 out of 50 men I met and chatted with online. I too am not a good small talker, but I made sure the men knew this before picking up the phone! When my prince did call, well, I will not go into detail here, but he knew exactly when to cut short and to go long.....After a week or two of regular phone (and some irregular phone chat!) we met and it was lust/like..now love at first sight. Call the one that "gets" you the most.

[cantexplain]

I met over 100 men in person when I did on line dating. I never went past two emails - maybe three, and if at that point they did not agree to talk by phone I moved on. Most agreed to talk by phone. I did not want an email pen pal or to correspond with someone who was not serious about meeting in person ASAP. I only corresponded with men who listed their relationship goals as "marriage and children" so that might be why they were more willing to speak on the phone and meet ASAP.

To me an internet date must always be initiated with a face-to-face reality check. Then it may be a real date.

 

I suggest:

 

Yes, don't focus on the phone number so much as seeing them face-to-face as soon as possible. Take the high ground let them know you mean business about moving as quickly as both of you are ready to a face-to-face meeting because that is just you. Let them know it is something you both decide. Then the phone number will come either before this meeting or after.

 

Bonding may occur through e-mail ...but it is more real over the phone and real indeed in person.

 

Long distance contacts will require and deserve more extensive e-mail and phone contact - but my goal is to minimize this as much as possible.

 

Even if they have my number out of courtesy I do not use their phone number (as in Caller ID) unless the woman specifically gives it to me or asks me to return her call. Long distance contacts I offer my phone and hope they reciprocate with theirs or by calling. Offer to call them back if they don't have free long distance (because you do!)

 

I do not ask her for her phone number until after the meeting so that she knows that I am not some quacko who will stalk her phone. At first, you should meet on neutral ground, address and last name unknown . I do this because I think it is safer and more respectful in an Internet-initiated first meeting. At this first meeting it is a good idea to get a phone number and second date then if this is now what you want.

[Batya33]

I would never meet someone in person before hearing his voice on the phone. On the phone I have heard:

 

depression, negativity, bad phone manners, I get to see if they are reliable about when they say they will call, if someone else answers the phone, whether they sound articulate - all things that can be hidden on the phone. I also prefer that his voice not be overly effeminate or whiny - it is a turn off to me - so that is a factor too.

[Aurian]

I hate using the phone myself. I never offer to call someone and I much prefer to have a coffee date or a online chat date instead of using a phone.

 

For some women, it might be a safety thing... they don't want you tracking down their home address via the phone number...

[Batya33]

For me it is far too dangerous to meeet someone you don't have a phone number for and who you have never spoken to on the phone - far greater risk that he is not who he claims to be. So much can be hidden on line that cannot be hidden on the phone. Cell phones are not trackable to home addresses and I have a private land line for safety as well.

[Jian]

Thank you for the reply.

 

Well im still confuse and not sure how should I process. I usually do a chat after 3 or 4 mails then at the end I ask for phone conversation but so far it never worked. These girls usually initiate chat again later, which means they are interested in a way. The last girl I had chance to chat maybe 4 times during 3 weeks, (1 long chat of 30 min and all other maybe 10 min.) At the end of the third week. My last chat message was

 

-call me this Sunday, It a bit annoying to always chat and you take too long to reply (which was true as she was doing something else at the same time), if not well wish you good luck finding the right guy...

 

This was my 3rd phone request. She never called, well I was indeed getting tired of chatting and well 3 weeks, that enough in my opinion.

 

I'm currently communicating with a girl, 3 emails and 1 chat and its been awesome so far. In the 3rd email I asked to talk on the phone, and I also asked for a maybe a phone conversation soon at the end of the chat. She said she would prefer to stick with computer for a while first. So I guess ill let her demand a phone conversation or else ill never get one with her either.

[cantexplain]

I hate using the phone myself. I never offer to call someone and I much prefer to have a coffee date or a online chat date instead of using a phone.

 

For some women, it might be a safety thing... they don't want you tracking down their home address via the phone number...

 

So the gentlemenly thing to do, imo, is let the woman offer her phone number while continuing to suggest a face-to-face meeting.

 

I am not sure the phone conversation should be such a clincher. Some people might simply be shy or nervous on a first call - people that might be wonderful dates as they become more comfortable.

 

If I am interested in them enough to get to asking for a face-to-face meeting - I give my own initial interest and all of them the benefit of the doubt and seek the face-to-face meeting and see what I really have to work with in this romantic potential.

[cantexplain]

Well im still confuse and not sure how should I process.

 

Just procede. Hold your head-up. Stay centered. Make sure you are building a life for yourself regardless of romantic challenges.

 

Work more numbers (prospective dates) and more channels (other sites and especially real-world dating like meeting people out there, not in here).

 

Work your online profile.

 

Be you.

 

Practice, practice, practice.

 

Every "no" or rejection is an opportunity to move closer toward findingthe person who you will be right for and who will be right for you.