dating rules

[b8s]

hi there never having really dated before i was wondering what are the "dating rules" how much you see each other ?how often you talk? when do you let the other know you want to be exclusive?

 

with dating someone i have just met im not sure how to go about every thing. i dont want to expect too much, but i also dont want to feel not important, or let down.

 

any insight would be great thanks.

[DN]

There are no rules that would make sense really for the questions you ask. There are too many variables not least of which are the two people involved and what they expect and want.

[lunatic]

There are no rules that would make sense really for the questions you ask. There are too many variables not least of which are the two people involved and what they expect and want.

 

 

I agree and use your common sense. Think before you act and talk to friends and family if your not sure. Every situation has different consequences to our actions.

[Night Pumpkin]

Dating isn't really a good way to get to know someone. The problem with dating is that people tend to put on an impression which isn't who they really are. You might initially be attracted to that person, but in the long run you will discover that the person isn't really as good as you thought they were, and you will feel dissappointed.

 

It's much better to be friends with someone. That way you get to know what they are really like, and if they are the right person for you or not. Dating should be something you do for fun, and not as a serious opportunity to find someone.

[renaissancewoman101]

But friendship doesnt always lead to a dating situation.

 

There have been a few times that I have been friends with someone and wished it could be more, but never WENT anywhere.

[Batya33]

I completely disagree. Dating is friendship caught on fire - so, you do activities together with someone you want to get to know better as a friend and potentially as a romantic partner. If you tell someone you just want to be friends first that's fine but then don't expect him to see only you or to invest time and effort into the relationship that he would if you were on the same page as him and looking to see if there was a chance for a romantic instead of a purely platonic relationship.

 

My general guidelines as a woman that have worked for me are:

 

Let him do most of the calling, asking and initiating in the beginning - the first 5-7 dates or so.

Answer his calls promptly and try not to see him more than once or twice a week so that you integrate him into your life at a reasonable pace and so that he gets to know you at a reasonable pace. Maintain your other activities, friendships, etc.

 

Let him set the pace although if he is moving too fast (see above) it is perfectly acceptable to say nicely that you would love to see him again soon but you have plans for the next few days (even if the plans are with yourself).

 

Watch how he behaves with waitstaff, with his friends, how he talks about his family and/or friends, how he treats strangers, in addition to how he treats you.

 

Keep the mantra of "show up, look nice, be nice" as your obligations on the early dates - do not be his mother, his instant best friend, his therapist. He is 50% responsible for the conversation.

 

Find out what he is interested in and if that interests you, read up on it a bit, learn about it - don't overwhelm him but he will be flattered if you take an interest in his interests. He should take an interest in your interests, too.

 

Do not use him as a therapist or instant best friend - you do this by seeing him only once or twice a week and don't overwhelm him with personal information or the minutae of your daily life right away - it is not such a bad thing if he sees you as just a bit mysterious and discreet - he will want to tell you more about himself if he sees that you don't just tell all at the drop of a hat.

 

Some will say - just be yourself - great advice if, when you're really interested in someone you never feel insecure, giddy, nervous, anxious, etc - all things that don't allow you to be yourself in the beginning and may cause you to do silly things like call him too often, spill your guts, tell all your friends about the new love you met 5 minutes ago, etc - these guidelines remind you to stay centered and grounded with an eye towards the long term.

[Scout]

b8s, do you have some thoughts on what you would consider a comfortable pace? Even if you haven't dated much before, surely you've got some familiarity with the process through observing others, reading, etc.

 

So, whenever you've given this stuff some thought, what have you envisioned as an ideal pace for you?

[cpc28655]

I've said it before in other threads. Read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. It'll tell you everything you need to know about the opposite sex. As far as "dating rules", every person being different makes that impossible to generalize. However, the book at least tells you how men and women think.

[b8s]

i guess i think dating is seeing someone once or twice aweek. talking on the phone every day or two. because it is away to get to know the other person.

 

i don't want to be to pushy or expect to much thats why i thought i'd ask you guys. thanks for the advice

[Scout]

i guess i think dating is seeing someone once or twice aweek. talking on the phone every day or two. because it is away to get to know the other person.

 

That sounds about right to me! As another poster mentioned, there are numerous variables that will affect things, but your expectations are pretty much on par with what's "normal" in the beginning stages of dating - which I would say can last from a couple of weeks to a couple of months. Depending on your schedules, interest levels, etc.

[Yates33]

Excellent post Batya! Completely agree...even though I myself don't follow these rules, I have always been aware of them and believe in them.

 

To the OP, dating different people means different protocols...so it all depends on the situation. But the post by Batya is one that you should definetely follow to some extent IMO.