Timing of sex..does it really make a difference?

[ItsYourChoice]

Let me first clarify that im not out sleeping with everyone in town! Recently though a group of friends and I (girls and guys) started talking about when its appropriate to sleep with someone and what role waiting played.

 

Two of the guys had had long term relationships with women they slept with on the first night. One of the females had this same result and several others had slept with someone with the first 2-3 dates and had long term results.

 

Now because of my personal values and because I know that I get very emotionally attached and dont want to chance hurting myself or making bad decisions have always waited for months before taking the plunge.

 

Question to men and to women...does it influence your thoughts of someone if they sleep with you early on? Guys..if you like a girl and she sleeps with you within the first few dates would that make you change your mind? I just am curious what everyones thoughts are....

[brandon_07]

Hey, good question..

For me at least its a turn off for anything long term...

[barbielovesmac]

I've waited 7 months and I've waited 2 weeks. Nothing less and nothing more. When I waited 7 months my relationship lasted 3 years. I won't go into the in betweens ... but the 2 weeks I waited im still with him too ... its been 3 months. Everyones got there own opinions. Im not so sure sex early or late determines the outcome of your relationship.

[flower99]

I've waited 8 months & 2 days...and a more in between. well 2 days lasted....1 week

8 months has lasted 2 years & we're engaged. Can't say it was because of the sex, but part of me believes it really did play a part. We developed & established the friendship & communication before adding the sex. but honestly I have noticed the ones that waited the longest lasted the longest, maybe because they got to know me more & cared for me more??? maybe just conicedence.

but my personal opinion of men when I sleep with them quickly does change because I have a hell of a lot more respect for a man that can say no to me....for so many reasons... ..lol

[Mythical_Suicide]

I think there is a difference between just sleeping with someone to sleep with them and having feelings for someone knowing something is there and sleeping with them. Personally, my current bf and I slept together 3.5 weeks into our relationship but we both knew something was there and we've been together 3 years now, we had also known each other 2 years or so before we started dating I think that helped out as well..

[RayKay]

All I can say is that sometimes when you sleep together early, it works out. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes when you wait a long time, it works out. And sometimes it doesn't.

 

Neither is determinative, as relationships are about more than when you had sex initially.

 

I will say that having it early can obscure issues that are present, and cause people to ignore red flags, or create a false intimacy that is not true intimacy. But having sex early does not mean that a deeper intimacy won't develop along the way.

 

Sometimes people say it's a turn off; though that is rather hypocritical in my books. And if you are both adults, you can make the decision for yourself. Sometimes it feels right, and you go with it. If you are doing it to "win them over" and get them to commit though; those are the wrong reasons and likely will NOT end well.

 

My partner and I slept together early on as it felt really right to us both. We moved in a few months later, bought a house a year after that; and have been together over two years. Marriage is in the future (once we figure out a way to pay for my tuition without needing student loans We are great friends, love and respect one another deeply. On the other side I have waited a longer time with past partners and they treated me like crap anyway; so it depends on the PEOPLE involved.

 

You should never do what goes against YOUR values if it makes you feel uncomfortable, and particularly not as you are making a judgment on what worked for others; it is not having sex early that "worked" for them, it was the people involved.

[rocio]

^ I love this post. Couldn't have put it better myself.

 

I also want to say, though, that it depends on the age of the people involved. I would say that, generally, young guys (let's say teenagers and early 20's) are more likely to judge a girl as "easy" if she sleeps with a guy soon into the relationship. It's just something that their peers and society in general have convinced them of. Once they get a bit older, they realise that there are better ways to gauge a woman's potential faithfulness, self-respect, etc.

[jimthzz]

people worry about the potential for "overlap" in their relationships and see someone who sleeps with other early as someone who might also be sleeping with others, rightly or wrongly, when they just want a 1-on-1 relationship.

 

So they use the sleeps to early theory as their yardstick.

[Honey Pumpkin]

I take my time about sleeping with someone. It's not something I can do quickly, and it seems to me that a man who is happy to wait makes me more relaxed and trust him more. That said, a lot of my friends are in happy long-term relationships where they had sex straightaway. As RayKay says, it's not a determining factor necessarily.

 

However - I suppose if I saw someone for a few weeks and didn't sleep with them and it ended, I could cope all right. If I slept with them and it ended after a few weeks, I wouldn't be okay with it.

 

I have never been ready for sex and the guy has refused - I don't know what that would be like; I think I would be okay with it, but I usually take ages to sleep with someone, so doesn't really happen, so to speak...

 

Also, I find waiting until you are really sure can crank up the sexual tension a LOT, so by the time you do hit the sack, you are both desperate for each other! That's also a great feeling.

 

Guess it just depends on who you are, how you feel about yourself, them, sex etc.