What the heck happened?

[RussM54]

Hi everyone, I am 40 and my girlfriend is 44. I cant figure out what happened. We have been going out for 16 months, about 3 days a week, due to the fact we are 200 miles from eachother. the 3 days a week we spend together were wonderful, spending quality time together, usually about 16 hours in length or more. The last time we met was December 21, and as usual, had our great time. We had an intense lovemaking session, and afterward, she told me the most sincere way that she loved me.

Go forward 4 days to the 25th. I called and we agreed I was to pick her up at her home on the 28th, to spend time with my family and have New Years together with me at home. On the 27th, I called and left a message. I received no call back. On the 28th, still no call. I decided to drive to her home anyway, only to find she wasnt home. Her son, who is 24, told me he didnt know where she was, and said I could spend the night. The next day on the 29th, she called him, he told her I was there, she said she was out with her sister and didnt know when she'd be home (didnt even ask to talk to me). I thought this was odd, due to the fact she would go out of her way and make sure we'd be together, even though I would come in at erratic hours. Later that night, she called again, and when he told her I was still there, she was angry and asked to talk to me. I got a butt chewing like you couldnt believe, because i was still waiting for her at home. Now mind you, in those 16 months, we NEVER fought, or raised our voices to eachother. It seemed we were the perfect match, agreeable on everything.

Now since the 29th, I've called 3 or 4 times, she wont answer her phone, I left a few text messages, still no reply. I sent 2 cards also. Its now been over 2 weeks and nothing? What should I do? I really love her, and Im not sure what to do. Should I drive there again and see whats wrong? to her work? I just dont know what happened. Help! Ladies please chime in and tell me whats up!

[Meow18]

It seems really strange. But obviously she's not happy about something.

 

Do not go back to her house. Do not go to her work. That will just make her more upset.

 

I don't know what went wrong and she's being immature and unfair for not letting you know. Honestly, I think you need to back off a little. She's obviously ignoring your calls for whatever reason. Continuing to call her will not make her pick up the phone.

 

I hate to say it, but you need to stop contacting her. She will come to you if and when she's ready.

[hosswhispra]

Now since the 29th, I've called 3 or 4 times, she wont answer her phone, I left a few text messages, still no reply. I sent 2 cards also. Its now been over 2 weeks and nothing? What should I do? I really love her, and Im not sure what to do. Should I drive there again and see whats wrong? to her work? I just dont know what happened. Help! Ladies please chime in and tell me whats up!

 

 

It's possible the distance became too much of an issue...even though you guys saw each other 3x week. She may have found someone closer?

 

Don't do anything. Nothing. No cards, no phone calls, no texts, no emails, nada. If you want to do anything---> focus on you (hang out with friends, go to the gym, read, take a vacation, pick up a new hobby).

 

She knows how to contact you if she wants to.

 

hosswhispra

[RussM54]

I forgot to mention, in the butt chewing, I got the "need some time" phrase. Is she out with someone else? Is it time for me to do the NC phase? Its gonna be tough for me to do.

[hosswhispra]

I forgot to mention, in the butt chewing, I got the "need some time" phrase. Is she out with someone else? Is it time for me to do the NC phase? Its gonna be tough for me to do.

 

Is she out with someone else?

 

Maybe.

 

Is it time for me to do the NC phase?

 

No contact is to help you heal. It's not really a phase though. Yes, I would respect her wishes and back off. If she wants to talk with you she'll contact you. Otherwise, you're going to lose your self-respect and border on the edge of harassment.

 

hosswhispra

[RussM54]

She never mentioned anything about distance being an issue. In the days apart, we would talk for an hour or two each time. The things we would talk about would be what we would do together next, planning the future, even she mentioned the fact a few weeks earlier about living together. IT seems she just shut me off like a light switch.

[herewegoagain]

Strict Nc!!!!

[jimthzz]

she is angry with you because you almost screwed up her double life strategy of dating by showing up without warning.

 

She has someone nearby that she finds interesting. Apparently now more interesting than you. She was fine with seeing you some of the time and this other person (or even other persons) some of the time.

 

She is too chicken to fess up to you and figures the coward's way, just blowing you off with no explanation, is working for her.

 

Count yourself lucky if she is not preggers or gave you an STD.

 

Then move on.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

she sounds like she got angry or was stewing about something... could she have been mad you didn't spend Christmas with her? sometimes people get very sensitive/angry about who/where they will spend the holidays.

 

regardless, you can't make her talk to you, and a return visit to her house might bring more rage, especially if she has told you she wants 'space'...

 

you might leave her a voicemail or email that said you understand her need for space, but could she please explain the sudden change of mind...

 

then if you don't hear from her, let it go... she either needed some time away to cool down from anger about something, or else she is really breaking up with you and just wasn't nice enough to talk to you about the reasons... either way, best to back off, and try to heal and move on unless you hear otherwise.

[RussM54]

I did this before in the past....I showed up at her work and home about 3 or 4times in the past, and she loved the surprise visits, due to me driving 200 miles "just to see her", and spend time with her. thats why I was so confused this time when she lashed out

[onelittleladybug]

Hi, umm....

 

Its a little bit suspicious to me that you haven't fought for 16 months. I just don't think its possible to not get p/o'd with each other every now and then and I'm thinking she did the classic female thing of not saying anything until it was too late. I personally would take it as a sign that something is really wrong if people never fight.

 

But yes, at this point there is nothing left for you to do but stop contacting and just see what she does. Hopefully at some point she will contact you and then maybe you can have a talk about what happened.