1508 Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 I dated a women for almost 3 years. We had disagreements along the way just like any relationship. Things came to a head around two months back and I tried to save the realtionship during December ... flowers, cards etc. She likes to go out with her single friends and I did not mind when were together, but when things went south I believe she met another guy. Finally things ended two weeks ago with her telling me that it's over and I'm dating other men, do not contact me. I have not contacted her but it is killing me! She wanted to move the realtionship along and I said I would but that I needed a better job to help support us. My work history has been suspect the last couple of years, causing a lot of stress. But before that I had a steady job for over 10 years. I know I put to much emphasis on my career and not on her, but I thought our love would always be there. At what point should I contact her? I am looking for a new job, but they take time. I'm concerned that she meet someone else .. she is already dating according to her. Any advice is appreciated. Link to comment
finewhine Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Short answer: yes! It "works" in the sense that you don't have the ex around to cloud your judgment and impede your healing, regaining your sense of self, etc. Trust me, I know. If you're looking to get the ex back, then I'm sure Blender will be on here in a minute, telling you that the only thing you can do is the direct approach, to tell her, "I am willing to do anything to make this relationship work. Then, and only then, can we be in contact." That's very sound advice! Link to comment
1508 Posted January 16, 2007 Author Share Posted January 16, 2007 I tried the "I'll do whatever it takes approach" our last face to face meeting, that's when she said it was over! Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Yes it works .. ONLY if you want to get YOU back...NOT YOUR EX. SuperDave71 Link to comment
JoeWho Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Yeah mate, NC is for you. It works better than anything else to bring back you!!! Link to comment
1508 Posted January 16, 2007 Author Share Posted January 16, 2007 I would like to get back on my feet first and then get her back, but will she be there? This NC is tough, if I don't a least show a little interst and then call her in 1-2 months, what will she say? Link to comment
finewhine Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Let us know why you want to get her back. Link to comment
1508 Posted January 16, 2007 Author Share Posted January 16, 2007 I love her and miss my best friend. I thought we had a future together. If she is dating other men, how do you handle that one if you get back together? Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Finally things ended two weeks ago with her telling me that it's over and I'm dating other men, do not contact me. I have not contacted her but it is killing me! Were I in your shoes and I were tempted to call her, I would simply remind myself that instead of working together through problems in our relationship, she was going out with single friends, wanted to date other men, and told me not to call her again. It doesn't sound like she had much love for you my friend. I don't know about you, but with those facts in hand I wouldn't be missing her that much. Link to comment
1508 Posted January 16, 2007 Author Share Posted January 16, 2007 I hear what you are saying ... but she says that she was with me for almost three years and I did not make a committment to her. But if she is already dating, that really hurts. I want so much to contact her and see if this relationship is truly over or if she was just saying things to hurt me and make me jealous. The NC is tough! Link to comment
1508 Posted January 16, 2007 Author Share Posted January 16, 2007 Do you think I'm doing the right thing by doing NC. She told me no contact, but I want her back and by doing NC I will not get her back, I will get myself back and she will be gone ... Do you agree? Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 The more you try to push...the more she will RUN away from you. NC is the way back to you!! Good Luck!! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 Usually the only way to get her back is to get you back first. However, once you get yourself back, you usually don't want to get her back any more. It's funny how that works. Link to comment
Wandering_Sword Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 It works as well as you want it to. If you work on the things that you may have neglected when you were with your ex or the things you were never able to do before, then yes NC is very functional. Since my ex left, I've hit the gym even harder! And even got into "fighter" shape while in the process. Because I was trying so hard to forget about her I threw all my time into the martial arts and the gym (even started learning the guitar). Now I'm planning a two month trip down to Thailand for Muay Thai training and visiting my family in Hong Kong to finish learning the rest of the family "arts." But not before getting my motorcycle license and getting a bike so I can go nowhere real fast Trust me and all those here on this forum, NC works as well as you want it to. If not we're still here for you, even if you don't heed our advice Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 I would like to get back on my feet first and then get her back, but will she be there? This NC is tough, if I don't a least show a little interst and then call her in 1-2 months, what will she say? If it was meant to be, it will be. If things are meant to be, and she WANTS to get back together, she will contact you. It sounds to me that she doesn't want to try. You can't make someone get back together with you if they don't want anything to do with you. Sorry... but most times, when a woman says she's "done", she's Done. I am going thru something similar. I am ending all contact because I need to figure ME out... And any time I spend thinking "If I only did this, he'd come back..." well, it only delays the inevitable. I've spent 4 months thinking that way... and I now realize that I need to move on with MY life. If he wants me, he'll call me. I am not contacting him and I'm not doing these things for him, they are for me (and yes, it's painfully difficult. I cry all the time). Get YOUR affairs in order and get strong within. She will come around IF she wants to. Regarding the "career"... please hear me on this one, There's a fundamental difference in women and men regarding work... most women DO NOT CARE how successful you are. We tend to resent any job that our man puts before us. There's nothing worse than competing with a job for a man's attention. There's nothing we can do. The man will ALWAYS feel like if he's not "providing" he's not loving. All we really want is YOU... our man to be home with us and paying US attention when he's with us. Link to comment
Wandering_Sword Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 Regarding the "career"... please hear me on this one, There's a fundamental difference in women and men regarding work... most women DO NOT CARE how successful you are. We tend to resent any job that our man puts before us. There's nothing worse than competing with a job for a man's attention. There's nothing we can do. The man will ALWAYS feel like if he's not "providing" he's not loving. All we really want is YOU... our man to be home with us and paying US attention when he's with us. That was true in my case. Part of the reason my ex left was because I worked so much to provide her with the things I thought she deserved. *sigh* Who'd thunk hard work would sink some people ? Link to comment
badBoy101 Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 listen carefully.....don't sacrifice your career, your potential, your success, happiness and fulfillment for anyone, regardless of who they are, and i mean that it's not about you giving a woman what she wants, any more than it is about a woman giving you what you want; being in a relationship is all about working together and not losing yourself, your personality, your hopes, dreams and ambitions on the altar of someone else's wishes Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 listen carefully.....don't sacrifice your career, your potential, your success, happiness and fulfillment for anyone, regardless of who they are, and i mean that it's not about you giving a woman what she wants, any more than it is about a woman giving you what you want; being in a relationship is all about working together and not losing yourself, your personality, your hopes, dreams and ambitions on the altar of someone else's wishes I agree totally! It's about finding a balance without losing who you are. Just remember, in the end, it's not about how much you made or what awesome toys you have--cuz you can't take it with you. It's about sharing it with people you love. Besides, if you don't have love, then what's the point? It's the little things that make the biggest difference, anyway... Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now