So confused...........

[tardissa]

Ok, long story short my b/f and I had dated for 6 months. Both of us are in our early 30's and everything seemed great. We both moved extremely fast even though we discussed (at least once a month) that we should slow things down. Then it came......he decided that we needed a break and to seek couples counselling. So we went and about 2 weeks later he decided that we needed to break up with the chance that we will get back together in a bit. So we have been broken up for about a month now and things have went downhill. We argue quite a bit when we do talk (which never happened when we were together). When I got to work this morning I had an email from him stating the following:

"Good morning,

 

How are you?

 

Thanks for calling back last night, and an even bigger thanks for being so understanding and letting me go when I needed to rest; much appreciated.

 

We can get together and chat during the day Sat or Sun, or Tuesday night. My nights are filling up quick with hockey again (which is good) but if you feel the urge to chat those are the times I'm free.

 

Do I still love you? Yes.

Are we going to get back together in 2007? I don't know.

Should we date other people? Yes.

Does this defeat the purpose if we want to get back together? No, because you never know what can happen and we need to move on right now.

Can we and do I want to be friends? Absolutely.

 

As mentioned so many times before this is simply where I am right now in my mind and heart. I know I am doing the right and fair thing for both of us for the time being. I don't expect you to understand it, but I expect you to accept it. I don't want to argue in circles anymore, but I do look forward to seeing you soon, and yes I miss you. We just have to be careful if we're going to hang out as friends because I know we'll always be tempted to 'make moves on eachother' because no matter what we'll always be attracted to one another.

 

I will talk with you soon..."

 

My question is do I cut ties with him? The reasoning for our break up was that he wasen't ready for a "serious commitment" but then he mentions dating other people. I'm confused and don't know what to do or say. I haven't even asked him these questions so I'm not sure where this came from. And the fact that we work at the same company (different departments though) does not help.

 

Any advice/suggestions would be helpful.

[terk2021]

Sounds likes someone who feels that they have control. He feels that you will be around when he wants and on his terms... Does not sound like a relationship. You should cut ties. It sounds like you know what you want, but he does not. Tell him that you want a complete break from this, and that he need to take the time to figure out what he wants...

 

If he decides a relationship with you is what he wants, then it's something to discuss... It's very easy to say to do these things, but sometimes tough to follow through, especially if you love him or care for him deeply. This is probably the only way you will get to a resolution of a true relationship with this guy, or come to grips that he is not the one, and you made a great decision to move forward...

[dontknowwhattodo]

Wow, sounds like your guy and my ex graduated from the same school. What you wrote here is what my ex exactly said then he dumped me after 6 great months together.

 

I have been there and done that and I echol Terk that you should cut all the ties. This guy is not ready for a serious relationship *with you*.

 

Be strong.

[fnlyfrei]

Er, yeah...go ahead, date other people...stop contacting him. If he does call, tell him you are getting ready for a date and you cannot talk. Let him go if he wants to go...just remember though..you are also free. You will likely find someone so AWESOME that you forget whatshisname anyway. I know I went through alot of stuff dating creeps like that...then I met my new someone...he's da bomb.

[tardissa]

Thanks for all of your responses, it means a lot to me. Matters of the heart are so difficult and I know I should be thinking rationally but it's so tough.

I did respond to his email and simply stated that work email is no place to discuss this matter. He then proceeded to keep writing to me and kept making silly comments like wow, sounds like you're totally over me...a good thing? Whatever that means. When I wouldn't answer him he began to get angry and wrote more comments.

When I read your response Terk I almost fell out of my chair - this isn't the first time I've heard about the "control" issue. He is an extreme "A" type personality and always has to have control in his life. When I didn't respond then he didn't have control and well, then he got angry.

This whole situation just plain sucks. I have a business function tomorrow night and unfortunately he will be there. I am trying to be so strong but he is just simply confusing me. He tells me to move on and once I try he retaliates and becomes angry........just don't get it.

[thyroxine]

That is almost the same thing my ex said to me! I haven't cut ties with him, and we are good friends..but it's difficult. He has some one night stands (not really so much dated) since we broke up and that was hard for me to hear about. The flip side is I started seeing a really wonderful guy. Now my ex keeps making moves on me and telling me how he wants to be together, but can't because of my new bf...yadda yadda yadda.

 

I guess if you aren't going to cut ties, just be careful of what happens between you two! Honestly, I still love talking to my ex and we have a decent friendship...it's just, like I said, hard at times.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i think what he wants is to control the relationship... date you and whomever he pleases, and not have to commit to anyone...

 

he wants to keep you on tap, while dating other people... is this what you want??

 

i would suggest that you truly move on, and tell him you are busy... this 'never know what can happen' is just keeping it open for him, to keep you attached, while he pursues any women he wants...

 

so move on, tell him, whatever, i have things to do tonight, i will call you whenever... then don't, move on, find someone who wants to be with you, and wouldn't consider trolling around, because he might lose you.

 

then go about finding someone who is not so wishy-washy that they would risk losing you while they fool around with whomever...