To wait or to move on

[DMXtreme]

Good morning everyone! I've been seeing two girls that I like for a month. One is 22, is in college and very beautiful. The other is 26, already has a career and is very loving.

 

I feel comfortable when I am with 22, we have intelligent conversations, we share the same goals and interests and when we cuddle and kiss it feels really nice, we have done everything but.

 

With 26 we were having a good time and we got along and still do but it hasnt been the same since we had sex. She seems to be moving too fast and I want to take it slower. We talked already and she understands.

 

At this point I would like to start something more with 22 but she will always be busy, this is her last semester before she decides on a med school, she might be leaving in May but isnt sure. Since she started school again this week we havent seen eachother. She did make plans with me Wednesday and Thursday but she canceled Weds and never called Thursday. I didnt call her either since she was supposed to. Both times I told her I couldnt wait to see her.

 

Im just wondering what I should do, I know she likes me, we have chemistry but I feel with her past heartbreaks (myspace) and time schedule that this was only a fling. Do I wait to see what happens or continue with the other girl.

[Siriana]

Well you could stop sleeping with one girl while hoping something could develop with another one!

So forget about 26 - she's into you, but you're not into her.

Also forget about 22 - she's not into you, and you are into her.

[GalaxyC]

Hang on a minute....you're being intimite with two girls? Er....don't you think that's a little off? Do they know about each other?

[DMXtreme]

No Im not being intimate with both at the same time, with 26 it;s more like going out to dinner and talking, on our second date we ended up sleeping together, it didnt feel right so I kindof backed off but she kept initiating contact, trying to see me. I would talk to her on the phone. Then I started seeing 22 more and more the last week, during the last 10 days I havent done anything with 26 trying to focus on 22, I went out to dinner with 26 two nights ago when 22 canceled on me but I didnt do anything with 26 eventhough she tried to. I want to be with one girl only, Im just trying to figure out which is best for me.

[ImThatGirl]

I just don't think you should make decisions on either one based on how the situation is going with the other.

 

If you are truly interested in 26, then go with it. But if you are not, then let her go.

 

And, don't chase after 22; she stated she's going to be very busy. If she has time and is interested, you will hear from her.

[Day_Walker]

I think that you are not getting what you want from either girl. You know that your time is limited with the 22 year old and the 26 year old is moving too fast. I say that you let go of the 22 year old and begin the search again.

[Siriana]

I went out to dinner with 26 two nights ago when 22 canceled on me but I didnt do anything with 26 eventhough she tried to.

Now you are officially accused of having her as a back up....sorry but you're not beeing fair here.

Karma my friend, karma....

[ImThatGirl]

And I just have to add, how do you think 26 would feel if she one day finds out that you only dated her because 22 was unavailable?

[itsallgrand]

First question: Do they know about each other and have you been forthright in your intentions?

 

Have you dated many women as an adult? This sounds like an unnecessary mess.

[DMXtreme]

I know...I know you all make sense, I believe in karma also, Im just trying to make the best desicion for myself with out hurting anyone.

[DMXtreme]

First question: Do they know about each other and have you been forthright in your intentions?

 

Have you dated many women as an adult? This sounds like an unnecessary mess.

 

No they dont know about eachother. I hvae just been sitting back and letting them control the speed of the relationships, maybe that was a mistake

 

Im usually in a serious relationship or if Im single Im usually dating one girl. This is the first time I am dating two girls at the same time. I wanted to have options but its turning into a big mess. Maybe I just havent had enough time alone since my break up, I need to reflect now that Im over the ex.

[GalaxyC]

Maybe you could do with some time alone to figure out what it is you want. Why do you need to always be with someone?

[itsallgrand]

Have you been clear along the lines of something like "I am just casually dating right now, and am not ready to make a serious commitment to anybody"?

 

I'm not good at juggling multiple dates either! I have usually turned it into a mess, or it turned into a conflict with draining energy on me. Which, usually left me wanting everyone to just leave me alone! And that is what happened too.

 

But, I think honesty is always good. 26 seems to be getting the wrong idea about you and what you are wanting to offer. Could clear that up.

Yeah, it'll sting her a bit, but better than if she is left in the dark with false hopes. Give her opportunity to make her own choice. Maybe she is past the point of being able to casually date and wait for you decide, y'know?

 

And 22, she also seems to have the wrong idea. It seems you like her quite a bit, and she is even more casually involved than you.

 

And you always have the option to take space to yourself if you need it or decide you want it.

 

best wishes. Really.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

I dated a med student and my friend, I would strongly advise you not to get too involved with her. In fact, at this point, I would really limit contact with her. Med students a VERY difficult to date.

 

As for 26, I would stop seeing her because you seem to be not into her as much. She keeps contacting you because you backed off. This is not going to end until you are straight up with her.

[ImThatGirl]

No they dont know about eachother. I hvae just been sitting back and letting them control the speed of the relationships, maybe that was a mistake

 

Im usually in a serious relationship or if Im single Im usually dating one girl. This is the first time I am dating two girls at the same time. I wanted to have options but its turning into a big mess. Maybe I just havent had enough time alone since my break up, I need to reflect now that Im over the ex.

 

It's not bad to date more than one person at a time as long as you make sure they are aware that you're not exclusive, right? That way they have the choice and aren't thinking it's more than it is.

 

Tell us:

 

26 - - > Can you see yourself with her longterm? (If 22 wasn't in the picture.) Or do you see yourself dating her for awhile and then moving on?

 

And:

 

22 - - > Do you really want to date someone that doesn't have the decency to stick to plans or at least call you?

 

Don't make it a question of who you like more. Make it an issue of who you like and who treats you as you deserve to be treated.

[DMXtreme]

It's not bad to date more than one person at a time as long as you make sure they are aware that you're not exclusive, right? That way they have the choice and aren't thinking it's more than it is.

 

Tell us:

 

26 - - > Can you see yourself with her longterm? (If 22 wasn't in the picture.) Or do you see yourself dating her for awhile and then moving on?

 

And:

 

22 - - > Do you really want to date someone that doesn't have the decency to stick to plans or at least call you?

 

Don't make it a question of who you like more. Make it an issue of who you like and who treats you as you deserve to be treated.

 

Well I thought they knew it was just casual since our dates consisted of going out to dinner or drinks and maybe going back to my place or thiers. We havent talked about going a step ahead. With 26 we just got a bit drunk and she hadnt had sex in a year, so needless to say we solved that problem, it was a mistake. I could see myself with 26 but ever since that night it has been weird being around her, maybe its because we did it so soon and I lost some respect. 22 on the other hand has more class and even though we were really close to having sex, she controled herself and I gained alot of respect for her. Maybe subconsciencely I was testing them... I dunno

Also earlier I received a text from 22 asking why I didnt call her last night, apparently I was suppose to call her to confirm when I know she was the one who was suppose to call...hmmm. 22 has been the one to initiated the dates, she called me out of the blue when I was dating 26 and asked me out to dinner(actually the day after 26 and I had sex) so I spent most of my time with 22. Our friends were the ones that told me to ask her out and she hadnt cancelled on me before Wednesday so I know she likes me.

 

 

Have you been clear along the lines of something like "I am just casually dating right now, and am not ready to make a serious commitment to anybody"?

 

I'm not good at juggling multiple dates either! I have usually turned it into a mess, or it turned into a conflict with draining energy on me. Which, usually left me wanting everyone to just leave me alone! And that is what happened too.

 

But, I think honesty is always good. 26 seems to be getting the wrong idea about you and what you are wanting to offer. Could clear that up.

Yeah, it'll sting her a bit, but better than if she is left in the dark with false hopes. Give her opportunity to make her own choice. Maybe she is past the point of being able to casually date and wait for you decide, y'know?

 

And 22, she also seems to have the wrong idea. It seems you like her quite a bit, and she is even more casually involved than you.

 

And you always have the option to take space to yourself if you need it or decide you want it.

 

best wishes. Really.

 

 

I talked to 26 already and she seemed bummed but understood. Im just going to pursue the one I really want, which is 22 because I love her strong mind and soul, she is attractive and I know her better than 26. Besides Im only 25 and have alot of time to settle down, right now I should reflect on my single hood and hang out with 22 whenever she has the chance. Who knows maybe she will decide to stay her for med school and we can continue something.

 

Thanks everyone.

[DMXtreme]

Hey there,

 

I dated a med student and my friend, I would strongly advise you not to get too involved with her. In fact, at this point, I would really limit contact with her. Med students a VERY difficult to date.

 

As for 26, I would stop seeing her because you seem to be not into her as much. She keeps contacting you because you backed off. This is not going to end until you are straight up with her.

 

Well she is not in med school yet, not till the summer or fall, right now she is a senior in college so we have time.

 

Thanks for your response!

[DMXtreme]

Maybe you could do with some time alone to figure out what it is you want. Why do you need to always be with someone?

 

Im 25, I have had my share of relationships, long and short term, and my share of being single and dating once in a while...I dont need to be with some all the time, its just nice to have someone around

[agualibre777]

I hate it when guys sleep with women and lose respect for the women even though they did the same thing themselves. It's sooooooo irritating.

 

If YOU slept with 26, you shouldn't lose respect for HER, you should lose respect for YOURSELF if ANYONE. Men need to start holding themselves up to the same standards they hold women up to.

[Siriana]

It's not about double standards - if he was really into her having sex soon wouldn't bother him.

[DMXtreme]

I hate it when guys sleep with women and lose respect for the women even though they did the same thing themselves. It's sooooooo irritating.

 

If YOU slept with 26, you shouldn't lose respect for HER, you should lose respect for YOURSELF if ANYONE. Men need to start holding themselves up to the same standards they hold women up to.

 

I dunno, maybe I am an a, I wasnt trying to do this to her, believe me I respect women. It happened, she wanted to have sex and she seems to be ok that we are not going to the next step. I apologized to her and its done. Me losing respect for myself is not going to happen sugar. But thanks for your reponse.

[DMXtreme]

It's not about double standards - if he was really into her having sex soon wouldn't bother him.

 

I think it was inital attraction, I called her, I explained myself and I apologized. She said that she understood and has no worries. We are moving on.

[DMXtreme]

I just don't think you should make decisions on either one based on how the situation is going with the other.

 

If you are truly interested in 26, then go with it. But if you are not, then let her go.

 

And, don't chase after 22; she stated she's going to be very busy. If she has time and is interested, you will hear from her.

 

YOu made the best sense I believe, I talked to 26 and after a long talk I decided to let her go. As for 22 I havent pursued her, she has been texting me everynight. My plan is to let go of 26 and let 22 call me when she has time while I live my life, hopefully something special will form with 22. Somedays I get a bit anxious and it gets me into trouble. Thanks for not biting my head off.

[ImThatGirl]

DMX, Thanks for commenting on my post.

 

I'm glad that you are at a better point and have made decisions on what direction you want to go in with this.

 

I noticed the comment about "losing respect due to sleeping with her." And I also noticed your ability to respond with respect. Just want to say that.... No, it wasn't the best thing either you or 26 could have done but I think you are handling this well. I'm proud of you for having a talk and explaining to her rather than just leave her wondering.

 

You're handling this well.

 

When you get a bit anxious, We'll all be here! So come here before letting it get you into trouble!!