Need an unbiased opinion on a complicated situation...

[Gregg827]

Here's one to think about...

 

I am pretty much in love with this girl, for argument's sake, let's call her "Mary." I'm also pretty good friends with this guy, for argument's sake we'll call "Ron."

 

Mary and Ron dated for about 8 months last year, then Ron stopped having the feelings and they broke up. They tried again this year for about a week and didn't succeed. Then I came in. I'm recently out of a long relationship but quickly got over her, since I knew it had to end far earlier than it actually did. So, Mary is not just a rebound girl. We got very close and hung out a lot, to make a long story short. But, last night, she pretty much told me "I'm falling in love with you...but...Ron contacted me to tell me he's still in love with me and wants another chance."

 

If he didn't say anything to her the other day things would have worked out with me and her. Also, he doesn't want to get started in something until around May, when he has more time. This means I won't know if they are going to work it out for four months.

 

What's everyone's opinion on this? Is it right for Mary to give Ron another chance? Or, since she said she's really into me, should it be "my turn"? The way I am seeing it now is that Ron's recent move on Mary was inconsiderate and ill-timed, since he knows what's been going on. But, I don't think he knows how strongly I feel for her.

 

I'm interested in hearing what everyone has to say.

[Ellie2006]

Hey there,

Welcome to Enotalone.

 

I understand why Mary is confused by the situation but I think it was unfair of her to dump this on you: she should NOT have told you that she thinks she is "falling in love with you" and proceed to express that she is wondering about giving her ex another chance.

 

If anything, she is still not over her ex Ron and this will not bode well for the beginning of your relationship; ghosts from the relationship past should not haunt you and Mary's relationship.

 

Perhaps Ron's recent move on Mary was inconsiderate BUT (sorry if I am being harsh here) so was Mary's admission of her indecisiveness. If anything she is sending you very mixed messages and it sounds like she could flip flop (and consequently hurt you).

 

If this is a chance you're willing to take, then fine but in my humble opinion, it might be best to give her more time and space to figure out who she truly wants to be with.

 

Just my two cents worth.

 

Good luck!

[Iceman26]

What's everyone's opinion on this? Is it right for Mary to give Ron another chance? Or, since she said she's really into me, should it be "my turn"? The way I am seeing it now is that Ron's recent move on Mary was inconsiderate and ill-timed, since he knows what's been going on. But, I don't think he knows how strongly I feel for her.

 

Hey Gregg,

 

I think that if she were really into you Ron would be history.

 

As far giving Ron another chance, personally I think she is foolish for giving anymore time to someone who "lost feelings" for her, no I don't think it is right but it is her place to decide what is right for her or not.

 

Again, if she were into you she wouldn't even consider Ron.

 

I don't think Ron really cares what you feel or cares about what is inconsiderate and what is not.

 

It sounds like he treats Mary as a toy to play with at his leisure, and now that she may not be around for him anymore suddenly he is interested in her again because he may lose one of his options.

 

I also don't know how much I would believe her proclamation of love to you if she is considering being with someone else.

[agent1607307371]

If she thought she was falling in love with you, she would not be considering giving her ex another chance. Esepcially when he's given it a time period.

 

I second everyhtin thats been said above, and also that this probably has the potential to turn into Drama! So you're better off out of it.

[BrokenHeart82]

I think you need to be upfront, but not whiny.

 

Just say..I understand you have feelings for him...but he isnt even willing to try with you until May, and Im here right now. Basically he is using her as a backdrop and shes doing the same to you!

[chai714]

You need to cut Mary - she blew her chance.

 

Never, ever wait around for a women to see if she's going to come around or not. She might or she might never. Greg - how you feel about Mary has nothing to do with how she feels about you. Just because you're in love with her doesn't mean she has to reciprocate.

 

She got rejected by Ron. There's something about rejection that keeps people coming back for more. We see this everyday here - people become almost obsessed with getting an ex back because why? Because they were rejected and rejection is the ultimate challenge. Rejection also affects the ego, which is when people begin rationalizing other peoples behavior and excusing it. Don't excuse her behavior, Greg. For whatever reason, she wants to be with Ron. Although you like her and it might be difficult to walk away, it's the best thing that you could do right now. Don't compete with Ron because Mary is not the last woman on earth. She may be what you desire right now but there are others out there too.

[Gregg827]

She may be what you desire right now but there are others out there too.

 

That's what scares me, because I almost don't believe that. I have never met someone like her before. Not to sound cheesy, but she is everything I've dreamed of. I want to avoid specifics, but we're both involved in a certain field of study that very few people find interesting, or even consider learning about; in fact, she is the only girl I've ever met that agrees with me on these certain topics. I am a very picky person and that's why I am so excited about "Mary."

 

Thanks everyone for your comments so far; I will mull them over and see what happens. I have so many hypothetical situations in my head right now and it's going to take a while for me to decide.

[Gregg827]

Well, if anyone is interested, I told "Mary" to give "Ron" another chance. I think she needs to get it out of her system. If she was thinking about him still, it shows that she couldn't give her undivided attention to me. However, on Monday she did tell me she loved me. I just have to wait things out. In an undisclosed amount of time (hopefully not long) I will either be over it, or have a new girlfriend.

[valiantv]

If he didn't say anything to her the other day things would have worked out with me and her

I'm not so sure about this... Could Ron saying that to her set a chain of events in her mind that lead her to this conclusion? Anyway I know my post is a bit late, seeing as you've already moved on it... But you probably did the right thing.

 

One other thing, though, isn't it well known to create complications when someone goes out with an ex of their friend's?

[Momene]

You don't give exes another chance when you're in another relationship.

 

Tou think several times about giving an ex another chance when you're not in a relationship.

 

There isn't any other side to it.

[Amano Ginji]

Gregg, Mary shouldnt be takin so much time to decide. But She maybe in love with u and still not be over Ron. This is goin to be very harmful to your relationship in the future. It can lead to a lot of pain, She mite end up cheating on you(Considering the fact that she is not sure of wat she wants!)

 

But on the other hand, I personally think you should give her some time. Because this must have been a shock for her too. I truly think there is a high posibilty of ur relationship working. But.. Ron has to go. I would suggest that if she wants to be with you, Then she should cut all contacts with her ex because there are high chances of him tryin to ask her to come back in the future(Which happens quite often these days!!). Which will bring u back.. to square one!.

 

Is she ready to give up Ron totally for u?. This is the most important question!